I'll keep this brief. I have always had a sexless marriage since the night of our honeymoon, 17 years ago. Wife would only have sex with me once a month on average. Some years a little more, some years a little or lot less. Basically, in the good years 12+. In the bad years 3-4 times. I have always tried to engage her in discussion and for the entire marriage it was always one little excuse after another. Fast forward three children later and I am bitter, resentful, wishing my past sex life was more than it was. A couple of years ago, wife said she would only have sex with me after I get a vasectomy. I did. Guess what, no change in sex. I've been in therapy, on and off since, 2005. I'm working on my self-esteem which was in the crapper. I made an exit plan and now the day is drawing close. A couple of months ago, I told her I was very unhappy in the marriage and vulnerable to an affair. I am actively seeking our relationships hoping one mig ht be sexual in nature. However, I have not acted on the invitations because of my religious upbringing. Thus, I'm very conflicted and feeling dead inside. My wife has given into more intimacy a few times... now average 1 a week. I'll take what I can get. However, I still feel dead inside. Doing my best to keep the peace in the home for the children. Feels like my wife is just placating me to also keep the calm. I've been reading books and going to therapy and studying the bible more. She refuses to go to counseling and won't accept my advice for medication, proper medication. She is currently on Lexapro which has killed her already dead sex drive. I want a sincere, honest and accepting marriage and I want to make it work with my wife but I feel so dead inside. I love her, but not in love with her.
The last shoe to fall is my promotion which is coming due before the end of the year. I will then have met all my exit plan goals and will be ready to leave my wife and family and move out. I want to live close to be a part of their lives. I am considering maybe just a trial separation but have not talked to my wife about it yet. We have both threatened divorce the last couple of years, only to cave and make up for a brief period of time, only to fall back into old familiar patterns.
I'm lost and don't know what to do and seeking advice, guidance, and support from those of you who have been in my shoes. I love my family live but hate my romantic life and wife who refuses all my advances.
The last shoe to fall is my promotion which is coming due before the end of the year. I will then have met all my exit plan goals and will be ready to leave my wife and family and move out. I want to live close to be a part of their lives. I am considering maybe just a trial separation but have not talked to my wife about it yet. We have both threatened divorce the last couple of years, only to cave and make up for a brief period of time, only to fall back into old familiar patterns.
I'm lost and don't know what to do and seeking advice, guidance, and support from those of you who have been in my shoes. I love my family live but hate my romantic life and wife who refuses all my advances.
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