Hellooo :)
hmm, finding it hard to write this but I would like an honest opinion from girls or guys i guess, on what they would think of my current situation. Never told a sole any of this. If anyone would spare a few minutes of their time and maybe give me a little bit of advice I would honestly be very grateful.
Little bit of history;
I am 26, male and completely ****** what to do with girls anymore. I stayed a virgin for a long time until I was 23 (not by choice, just gruelingly waited until I found a girl a really liked).
I was as at university and had plenty of interest by girls but just lacked confidence to do anything about it mainly because I was still a virgin and could not stand the embarrassment of people finding out (friends all had loads of partners by then). Plus at that stage I was innocent and thought the whole ONS idea was not the ideal gent i as trying to be and what i thought nice girls wanted, i probably 'turned down' 10+ ONS/F-buddy situations. Anyways I found a girl-1 i really liked eventually :D , and by that time thought '**** it' lets go for it. She was really nice and she had no idea i was a virgin. I didn't let on because i knew she had been dating since 16 and i just thought she would think less of me, despite every girl ever saying the opposite of this.
Anyways, she was finishing her course that year (non uk student) so we both knew it would be a fun fling really. After a few months of dating and both really being really into each other we eventually had sex. I felt like the king of the world, so so happy and finally felt I could respect myself. Obviously she realised I had not done it before and she said I should have told her even though she hardly believed it, which now when I think back maybe I should have. Happiest I have ever been.
3 days later she dumped me and said she was not into me anymore :( She was nice about it, but man, it hurt like a b****. I just didn't understand how someone could be so hot and cold like that, tbh I lost it. She said I was taking it too serious where as she saw it more as a fun thing, i guess that was a little true, but still it just felt cruel after so much good intension and waiting 23 years of my life to finally be lucky enough to share the experience with someone. I was not in love, neither she, but i felt we had a dam good connection. Anyways I kinda got over it (wellll not really, my heart still hit the floor whenever I saw her) but i I tried to show respect and be nice and all stay friends and all that jazz. She graduated uni, I took it on the chin as **** happens and counted myself lucky I had even experienced it all.
Soon after coming back for my final masters year i found out she ****** a few guys a few weeks after she dumped me. Well i really lost it then, she was a 'nice' girl. I hated her, still to this day i do and i don't think i ever will really let it go, but i still thought the whole 'ideal gentleman' approach was the way to find girls i really liked so after a while I felt the only way to get myself out of the dumps was to meet a nice girl again. Still rejecting the whole f-buddy, ONS stuff as I thought any girl would think less of me doing it.
So got to know another girl-2 I liked, began developing feelings and getting all the right (what i thought) signals i asked her out. She said no as she had just started dating another guy. Well god dam it I thought. So far but so close again. We remained friends, tbh really good friends and I knew she still liked me but she was with this other dude. And after having a girl **** around with other guys just after dumping me and the pain that caused me no way was I gonna still try to pursue this girl and similarly upset in the same way the guy she was seeing, just not on.
Still i lost it again, I mean seriously whats a guy got to do to just have some of the happiness everyone else seeming so easily manages. Any confidence I had just went, effectively now I was a 24 yr old that had had sex once in his life. So for the rest of my final year i had countless opportunities for casual sex but I just could not seize them because of what had happened to me, I just could not go through that again. And life's final 'F-you' occurred at the end of the year when she (girl-2) told me she really did like me and had all along and wished I had asked her out earlier. (despite her dating this other dude who she said she would have broke it off with).
Well thats just '*******' great I thought. Again me trying to be a gent and treating her with respect by not trying to 'woo' her whilst she was seeing somebody actually screwed me. Dam it i really liked her too. So being the final Uni days and having the most pathetic time with women I caved and went for what everyone seems to do. Had a ONS with a stunner tbh, seemed to go well, but still I'm pretty sure she thought hmm maybe this guy isn't the most experienced. In summary graduated a complete failure with women really and only had sex twice. bugger.
So my questions are;
1-Have I just been unfortunate with the opposite sex, or should i just 'man up' and have casual sex/flings like everyone else seems to have and forget about trying to find a real relationship. Maybe that will lift this huge storm of sexual experience inadequacy I have torturing my conscience day and night?
2-I have recently met this girl, pretty sure she likes me and I will ask her on a date soon. Though given my basically 0 sexual experience, if it eventually comes to it should I just tell her I'm a virgin? As a 26 year old male, girls what would you think if a guy said he was a virgin at this age or say I have only had tiny little bit of experience a long time ago. Im just so afraid of her rejecting me because of it. She seems nice, but so did my first. Or should I just not even mention it? I really do like this girl a hell of a lot.
Sorry for the essay friends, just had to get that of my chest to somebody just once. Again any advice or shared stories would mean a lot.
Thank you :)
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