I'm casually seeing a guy, we are basically just a sex thing.
He is wonderful and great and I love him and he says he loves me. He makes me feel magical and wonderful and loved. I love him more than I have loved anything before. We fell in love by accident but no harm done so far.
He doesn't want to be in a relationship and this is fine for me. He says he is not that kind of person. I have never thought love has to be defined by a commitment but now I worry that I am wrong (and in worrying I wonder why, I mean why do I care? I love him and he loves me and I'm content).
I found out some of my friends talk about him and I behind my back and occasionally a few say it to my face that he doesn't love me and that I am not respecting myself.
They don't know him like I do. They don't understand him like I do.
My love for him feels unshakable however I feel like the words of my friends have influenced me in some way, the love remains but I'm afraid of potentially getting hurt.
I mean in the last two days both one of my friends and one of his friends (!) made a compelling case to tell me to leave which made me very uncomfortable but for the first time I could see their perspective.
(the thought of which is just appalling because I love him, he always talks about leaving and ending things and hints that it will happen but I plan to just stay until he tells me to stop. I can't ever imagine wanting to leave him of my own accord.)
They just described my story but this time from a different perspective:
Girl loves guy.
Guy says he loves girl.
Guy doesn't want a relationship.
Guy occasionally has said or done things which are a bit flaky and inconsistent with love.
Therefore Guy just using you.
Girl can get someone else who will love her and also be nice and emotionally available.
They don't see that when no one is about behind closed doors he is so lovely and intimate and loving. He is so amazing and makes me feel amazing. Just because he doesn't do it in front of them.
My flatmates are the worst because both are my friends so obviously there will be times when I tell them I can't hang out as I have plans with him and he will stand me up just before. That does make me feel like he doesn't respect my time however we now agreed that there are no promises etc because he doesn't like being bound by restrictions and promises of meeting.
He once did this and because it was the 2/3rd time in a row I was very ashamed that I didn't tell my flatmates because they would judge him and not understand his issues that I snuck out to the library and hid there for a few hours, lying to them to say I was with him.
But then they saw him having fun with other people on snapchat and I felt humiliated. After this faux pas they are judgemental of me and make comments and have private jokes about my love life which makes me insecure.
He makes me feel secure and loved and though there is no stability it doesn't bother me, I don't think. He doesn't want to get married or be attached to anyone or responsible for anyone elses happiness and I think he has a right to be that way.
Sometimes though I wonder whether I'm making it up in my head and our friends are right and this makes me think perhaps this is unhealthy however I can't ever end it because I love him and I don't want to lose him. He is very precious to me.
AND YES I HAVE SPOKEN TO HIM MANY TIMES. Most of the time he just throws in ''well we can just end this'' or basically pulls the leaving card if I suggest anything about the definition of this situation or certain social humiliations I feel because of him. I wish I was an free minded as him and didn't care what people think but I don't want anyone to think I am just some naive girl who has fallen in love with someone who doesn't love her the same amount. I just want to be loved back.
Does it matter what anyone else thinks?
I don't need commitment or public expressions of love to know he loves me.
The worst part is when he does upset me I can't go to my friends for advice because they judge this situation wrongly and think negatively about him.
plz holp
Put the internet to work for you.
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