Hi All,
Its been a few years since I have been on this forum, I had issues before but things came right, my wife had a baby (unplanned) and now we have a 2nd (unplanned but was a good thing as we had discussed and somewhat agreed to have him.
My 2nd son is 5 weeks old, but this is nothing to do with him, he's just a victim along with my 2 year old.
I will come out and say that yesterday my wife and I sat in a marriage counselling session where my wife said she's giving up on me and strongly believes i'll not change.
It became quickly apparent that in some way I'm an abuser, but not in a concious way. long story short (as I only Just had the penny drop) my life has not been stable from the outset with my parents and my child to adult hood was full of bullying and little support from slipt parents.
It seems I'm my fathers son, who I am now (today) aware bullied my mum but not us kids (1 sister).
I belittle my wife by not giving her any credit for her ideas, thing she's always wrong and publicly belittle her as "banter". This is not personal as I have recently realised I have the same issues at work, but obviously my wife bares the brunt of this as I see her all evening and weekends, where work has lots of people so things are spread over many people so overall i guess I sometimes come across as an *******, but in my heart im anything but.
I have another session booked tomorrow, the therapist just wants to see me for now. I didn't go home last night as for the first time I really realised that I am the person in the wrong... and not just a little bit - A LOT!
I moved our family back here to be near her parents (other side of the world) where I have little family support except her parents.
It's difficult, but I need to lean on them as they are also there for me aswell as my wife. They accept what is going on an support my new found
It's worth mentioning that she has taken a newly befriended guy into her confidence, I know that he and her have discussed being soul mates, I found a short but frank message exchange on facebook. She is not physically cheating as she's still getting over our son being born 5 weeks ago. I fear it's an EA, but she stated its not romantic, he just listens. I must put this aside, I need to win my wife's confidence back.
We have had MANY discussions in the past where she blows up and I see her point about how I say things, I didn't realise to what extent.
I now clearly see the pattern throughout my life and know I have a lot of therapy/counselling ahead of me to try and knock these ******* traits out of me, which I genuinely didn't consciously acknowledge.
My wife is replying to messages very abruptly and cold about me coming back home (again, my choice as I want thrown out). "U must do what u want" was the response to me asking if she wak ok with me coming home.
I'm not a dad guy, but there is something in me which I will resolve - hopefully with wife and children in support.
Thanks for reading, I appreciate your feedback.
Its been a few years since I have been on this forum, I had issues before but things came right, my wife had a baby (unplanned) and now we have a 2nd (unplanned but was a good thing as we had discussed and somewhat agreed to have him.
My 2nd son is 5 weeks old, but this is nothing to do with him, he's just a victim along with my 2 year old.
I will come out and say that yesterday my wife and I sat in a marriage counselling session where my wife said she's giving up on me and strongly believes i'll not change.
It became quickly apparent that in some way I'm an abuser, but not in a concious way. long story short (as I only Just had the penny drop) my life has not been stable from the outset with my parents and my child to adult hood was full of bullying and little support from slipt parents.
It seems I'm my fathers son, who I am now (today) aware bullied my mum but not us kids (1 sister).
I belittle my wife by not giving her any credit for her ideas, thing she's always wrong and publicly belittle her as "banter". This is not personal as I have recently realised I have the same issues at work, but obviously my wife bares the brunt of this as I see her all evening and weekends, where work has lots of people so things are spread over many people so overall i guess I sometimes come across as an *******, but in my heart im anything but.
I have another session booked tomorrow, the therapist just wants to see me for now. I didn't go home last night as for the first time I really realised that I am the person in the wrong... and not just a little bit - A LOT!
I moved our family back here to be near her parents (other side of the world) where I have little family support except her parents.
It's difficult, but I need to lean on them as they are also there for me aswell as my wife. They accept what is going on an support my new found
It's worth mentioning that she has taken a newly befriended guy into her confidence, I know that he and her have discussed being soul mates, I found a short but frank message exchange on facebook. She is not physically cheating as she's still getting over our son being born 5 weeks ago. I fear it's an EA, but she stated its not romantic, he just listens. I must put this aside, I need to win my wife's confidence back.
We have had MANY discussions in the past where she blows up and I see her point about how I say things, I didn't realise to what extent.
I now clearly see the pattern throughout my life and know I have a lot of therapy/counselling ahead of me to try and knock these ******* traits out of me, which I genuinely didn't consciously acknowledge.
My wife is replying to messages very abruptly and cold about me coming back home (again, my choice as I want thrown out). "U must do what u want" was the response to me asking if she wak ok with me coming home.
I'm not a dad guy, but there is something in me which I will resolve - hopefully with wife and children in support.
Thanks for reading, I appreciate your feedback.
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