So this girl and I had been seeing each other for 6 months. Things got pretty heavy in this time - we went on an amazing holiday, lived together for a few weeks and spent almost all of our time together. She wa"s the first to say "I love you" and later regularly called me her "soulmate, discussed children and our future together (even said that she would be uncertain about an abortion if it was mine!)
Now, I had already realised that she wasn't the love of my life, nor was she particularly suitable for a long-term relationship given that she cheated on her ex-bf (as they didn't see one another enough). What compounded it was her saying she didn't feel guilty because she didn't love him anymore (he still loved her...) She has always seemed to love male attention (was insecure about weight and looks and loved to be admired) and adored sex.
Anyway, we both departed for university, promising to try to make things work but within 2 weeks things had gone quiet and snappy on her end. I visited her, only for her to ignore me the entire time and to say that she didn't have the emotional or time capacity to make a relationship work alongside her demanding course, for us to discuss how the LDR wasn't going to work and the break up to occur. She admitted she had slept in another guy's bed but promised that nothing happened. Even so, she was texting this guy in front of me the entire time I was there and got happy whenever he responded.
She often said that she thought of herself as an individual, not needing to be part of a group and not wanting to depend on people yet told me on several occasions in the weeks we were apart - "I need you to be here to tell me everything is going to be alright", "I miss everything about you, I think I actually need you" - need for reassurance of a present partner? Having said this, she was often seemingly happy to keep things at arms length.
Frequently said that she wished we had met after university because she often engages in "self-sabotaging behaviours" and was scared of messing things up - but now shows no apparent remorse for what has happened? Frequently said that she was afraid that I was going to meet someone at university.
I know what to do now, how to progress in terms of NC and self-improvement but just want some closure in my own mind. When we ended she was a mess, saying that she wished we had met after university so we could have had a future/still wanted a future etc, so she surely still cared? But at the same time, she said she rarely thought of me or her "old" life whilst at university. She is now seeing the guy she shared a bed with.
She seemed to switch haphazardly from very loving and affectionate (particularly during the latter stages) to cold, condescending and rude. She could also be very selfish, only thinking of her own needs. She said that before she met me she found it very difficult to open up to people emotionally, even to her previous bf of 2 years.
Then during that week her intensive course started and communication stopped. She then stayed with this guy on a night out. How could this change so rapidly? When I received drunken midnight phone calls saying how she "so wanted it to work" and how she was "so afraid" I was going to meet someone, was this an indication that she was grieving for the relationship, subconsciously knowing it wouldn't work, hence her apparent quick move on?
Or is she just finding it very easy to ignore the situation - she said she rarely thinks of home and doesn't miss it, wouldn't rather be anywhere else than her current university etc - feelings which I cannot empathise with.
She is doing her dream course, leading to her dream job of acting, has made numerous friends, goes out to exciting venues and clubbing often and now also has this chap showing her attention - is she just finding it easy to ignore the loss? Hence the show of emotion when we broke up - she was reminded of how she felt - her insistence that she still loved me etc. When I visited and she more or less ignored me to text this guy was this just ignoring the situation at hand? - surely she cannot have moved on in just a few weeks from something so intense?? Or is this consistent with a particular personality type?
HOW is it she could move on so quickly? Is she just blocking out the feelings by being with someone new? (word is she feels "empty") Did she just become so comfortable having the intimacy and attention of a constant partner? Are there simply people who NEED someone to be there, to show them attention? (she has certain abandonment issues, was promiscuous when younger and has gone intoacting - perhaps an attention related decision?). Is it because she's young (20) and consumed with her new life? Do you think she's really over me/misses me at all?
Put the internet to work for you.
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