I realize this makes me an evil-skank-whore in the eyes of most and I'm not trying to defend my actions but still hear me out.
I basically had a thing for this guy who I'll call 'A'. My so-called friend was aware of this and expressly stated that he wasn't her type and that she didn't find him attractive. 'A' wasn't aware that I had any feelings for him which, in retrospect, was my mistake. I should have probably dropped some sort of hint. Anyway, a while later something happened between my friend and 'A' at a club and, following this, they became an item. I wasn't happy with my friend and I would have let it go but she constantly did/does little things to rub in the fact that they were/are together. I have a strong feeling that the only reason she is with him is to get one up on me for whatever reason that may be. She makes comments about how "amazing" their love-life is to our other friends knowing full well that word will get back round to me. She posts a ****-ton of photos on fb and instagram of them together. I know it's HER boyfriend now but she really pisses me off with it.
Fast-forward to now and my friend is on a 1 month holiday in Australia. She left not too long ago and she'll be back at the end of the month. Anyway 'A' asked me if I fancied doing something. I said yes as I didn't see why we couldn't go out as friends but I think that at the back of my mind I felt (and maybe even hoped) that something more might happen. I know this makes me a terrible person :( We ended up having a very interesting conversation where he admitted that he'd also had feelings for me but never acted on them. He said that with my friend "it just sort of happened". To cut a long story short, I've been so stressed out with personal stuff, my libido has been pretty much through the roof lately (which I know isn't an excuse) and here's this beautiful man who's just admitted that he likes me. All I could think was how much of a cow my friend has been to me and I decided that I didn't give a ****. Eventually one thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him. I knew it was going to happen but I feel ****ing awful now. I'm worried that if I see him again I'll end up sleeping with him again. The only people that I've slept with before this were those that I was in a proper relationship with which equates to 3 people.
TL;DR My friend got with a guy who she knew I like and rubbed it in my face. She went on holiday and I ended up ****ing him after he told me he liked me. Now I'm feeling guilty, how to deal?
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