well, i have been creeping on this forum for quite some time and it's come to a point that i need to "talk" to someone to get any encouragement/help because at this point besides my husband and our newly acquired MC, none of our friends and family know our situation
7 months ago my H came to me "i love you but i am not IN love with you" .. enter devastation! this man has been the only man and love of my life since i was 17 (22 years ago) and he truly is my BEST friend .. i immediately went into panic mode and started doing everything to fix the situation .. in essence i became someone i wasn't in our 18 yr marriage all along .. i started a full on "romance" with him .. initiating sex all the time; constant interaction, kissing, holding hands, hugging, etc .. when all along what i was doing was pushing him further away .. he went along with it, sometimes not enjoying it at all, sometimes ok with it .. but i felt that this was going to make him see why he could be IN love with me again ..
however, we still never communicated about any of this during the last 7 months, he knew how hurt i was, how hard i was trying to be the wife i should have been all along, so, he went a long with it as to not hurt me and disappoint me .. i knew it wasn't fixed by any means, but, i was so afraid to talk about it with him bc i might lose him
it surfaced again at the end of June and again, we kind of swept it under the rug, continued on .. then a few weeks ago it came to the biggest blow of all and he was like, i can't do it any more, i am miserable and i don't know how to get that feeling back for you and i love you so much that it kills me to see you trying so hard and i can't reciprocate back to you those same feelings .. you deserve someone who will give you back what you are giving to me and i want to be happy again too
so since that night we have spent almost every night crying, talking and really communicating, which we should have been doing all along, and, probably should have searched out the MC 7 months ago
throughout our marriage i have struggled with emotional and physical intimacy with him; i was never very comfortable with my body/self image .. he never made me feel like that, i did that to my self; and after the years of our ups and downs with sex and intimacy, him always initiating/etc, he always found a way to come back to me, but this time, he just hasn't been able to find that feeling..and i so desperately want us to have that 2nd chance together, to make our marriage better than before and be to each other what we want/need; fall in love with each other again, and i just can't tell whether he really does want that
what does make this so difficult is we are still truly best friends, we love each other and mean so very much to each other, and not to mention, we have 3 kids ages 6-12
we just started MC last week and i know we haven't even begun that process, but i am afraid that it will lead us down the path of reconciling to be friends and parents, but not married, and i can't even imagine going forward with my life without him .. right now i am struggling deeply to function daily .. he knows that i want to try and save our marriage, and i think he wants to, but he is so broken down as well, that he may not have that fight left in him..
we each have an IC session coming up before we come back to our couples session, and i am terrified of what his session alone might be ..
we both like the counselor and feel that this process will get us to a resolution, whatever that may be, but this is just so very hard and right now, i can't see our life as not together, even though we both agreed that if we can't save our marriage, it's important for us to have the best possible outcome for our kids
we are still living together and doing things we enjoy together and our communication has improved, but, we are both still very hurt and sometimes it takes all i have to not want to reach out and touch him or kiss him; we met for drinks and dinner last night after he got off work and it was good, but, hard .. i have backed way off, i don't really contact him unless i have to, he was the one who text me yesterday to meet for drinks/dinner; i am still doing things for him i normally would in hopes that he begins to see me; he asks me every day how my day was, did i eat, etc bc i was pretty bad a couple weeks ago .. i am somewhat better, but, i don't burden him with it .. i just tell him it was fine
anyone ever been in a similar situation can help me out here?
7 months ago my H came to me "i love you but i am not IN love with you" .. enter devastation! this man has been the only man and love of my life since i was 17 (22 years ago) and he truly is my BEST friend .. i immediately went into panic mode and started doing everything to fix the situation .. in essence i became someone i wasn't in our 18 yr marriage all along .. i started a full on "romance" with him .. initiating sex all the time; constant interaction, kissing, holding hands, hugging, etc .. when all along what i was doing was pushing him further away .. he went along with it, sometimes not enjoying it at all, sometimes ok with it .. but i felt that this was going to make him see why he could be IN love with me again ..
however, we still never communicated about any of this during the last 7 months, he knew how hurt i was, how hard i was trying to be the wife i should have been all along, so, he went a long with it as to not hurt me and disappoint me .. i knew it wasn't fixed by any means, but, i was so afraid to talk about it with him bc i might lose him
it surfaced again at the end of June and again, we kind of swept it under the rug, continued on .. then a few weeks ago it came to the biggest blow of all and he was like, i can't do it any more, i am miserable and i don't know how to get that feeling back for you and i love you so much that it kills me to see you trying so hard and i can't reciprocate back to you those same feelings .. you deserve someone who will give you back what you are giving to me and i want to be happy again too
so since that night we have spent almost every night crying, talking and really communicating, which we should have been doing all along, and, probably should have searched out the MC 7 months ago
throughout our marriage i have struggled with emotional and physical intimacy with him; i was never very comfortable with my body/self image .. he never made me feel like that, i did that to my self; and after the years of our ups and downs with sex and intimacy, him always initiating/etc, he always found a way to come back to me, but this time, he just hasn't been able to find that feeling..and i so desperately want us to have that 2nd chance together, to make our marriage better than before and be to each other what we want/need; fall in love with each other again, and i just can't tell whether he really does want that
what does make this so difficult is we are still truly best friends, we love each other and mean so very much to each other, and not to mention, we have 3 kids ages 6-12
we just started MC last week and i know we haven't even begun that process, but i am afraid that it will lead us down the path of reconciling to be friends and parents, but not married, and i can't even imagine going forward with my life without him .. right now i am struggling deeply to function daily .. he knows that i want to try and save our marriage, and i think he wants to, but he is so broken down as well, that he may not have that fight left in him..
we each have an IC session coming up before we come back to our couples session, and i am terrified of what his session alone might be ..
we both like the counselor and feel that this process will get us to a resolution, whatever that may be, but this is just so very hard and right now, i can't see our life as not together, even though we both agreed that if we can't save our marriage, it's important for us to have the best possible outcome for our kids
we are still living together and doing things we enjoy together and our communication has improved, but, we are both still very hurt and sometimes it takes all i have to not want to reach out and touch him or kiss him; we met for drinks and dinner last night after he got off work and it was good, but, hard .. i have backed way off, i don't really contact him unless i have to, he was the one who text me yesterday to meet for drinks/dinner; i am still doing things for him i normally would in hopes that he begins to see me; he asks me every day how my day was, did i eat, etc bc i was pretty bad a couple weeks ago .. i am somewhat better, but, i don't burden him with it .. i just tell him it was fine
anyone ever been in a similar situation can help me out here?
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