So I'm not sure what to do.
My husband and I have been married for about 5 months, now, so you think we would be having sex fairly regularly, like newlyweds. I'm finding, though, that I, the wife, am initiating sex 90% of the time, with my husband only accepting those initiations about 20% of the time. I'm getting turned down by my husband A LOT.
Now, my husband is a fantastic guy. He's considerate, he'll sit with all the world's patience and listen to me complain about whatever, he tries his hardest to be helpful, but when it comes to sex, I am dissatisfied.
After my husband proposed to me, he told me that he had a history of pornography, which I know is a huge factor in his feelings about sex. (There's "Good Girl Syndrome," but he has "Guilty Guy Syndrome," BIG TIME.) It was a long history of pornography, which, just the last month, he's admitted to me he's still struggling with a lot. He's not relapsed and looked at porn, but he says that he has to pay attention to what he's thinking about during the day, and can't even look forward to having sex with me, because it triggers him to start looking around at the women he passes by, each day.
My husband has openly said things which show, to me, that he is very critical of women's appearances, and let me tell you, I'm no size small. I've been dieting, lost 10 pounds in the last 2 months, but that's not working, at getting his attention, sexually.
I'm at a point where I'm despairing that my husband will ever be able to be attentive to my sexual needs. He's always "tired," "has to go to bed," "has to study," "not enough time." I've told him that I feel like the man in the relationship when that's all I ever hear, or that maybe there's something wrong with me, that I want to have sex more than him, but I don't think that's true.
I'm not sure I could convince him to go to counseling. If I asked him to, I know he would, but he'd drag his feet, and it likely wouldn't be productive anyway.
I'm losing my respect for him in the bedroom, and it makes it difficult for me to want to express affection in any other way, when he can't fit the traditional role of "man," and take the initiative in this. It makes me feel so undesirable, and I hate having to be close to him after he turns me down. It ends with nights like tonight, where he snores away in bed, and I sit up on the couch after a good cry, because I can't stand to be next to him, I'm so angry and disappointed. It makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong, and why I'm just so STUPID that I keep trying, day after day, sincerely getting my hopes up, only to get turned down, and left to wallow in the fact that HE never initiates me, and I"m just so PISSED at him!
It's a bit of a rant, I realize, but I sincerely and honestly don't know what I can do, whether for myself or for him.
My husband and I have been married for about 5 months, now, so you think we would be having sex fairly regularly, like newlyweds. I'm finding, though, that I, the wife, am initiating sex 90% of the time, with my husband only accepting those initiations about 20% of the time. I'm getting turned down by my husband A LOT.
Now, my husband is a fantastic guy. He's considerate, he'll sit with all the world's patience and listen to me complain about whatever, he tries his hardest to be helpful, but when it comes to sex, I am dissatisfied.
After my husband proposed to me, he told me that he had a history of pornography, which I know is a huge factor in his feelings about sex. (There's "Good Girl Syndrome," but he has "Guilty Guy Syndrome," BIG TIME.) It was a long history of pornography, which, just the last month, he's admitted to me he's still struggling with a lot. He's not relapsed and looked at porn, but he says that he has to pay attention to what he's thinking about during the day, and can't even look forward to having sex with me, because it triggers him to start looking around at the women he passes by, each day.
My husband has openly said things which show, to me, that he is very critical of women's appearances, and let me tell you, I'm no size small. I've been dieting, lost 10 pounds in the last 2 months, but that's not working, at getting his attention, sexually.
I'm at a point where I'm despairing that my husband will ever be able to be attentive to my sexual needs. He's always "tired," "has to go to bed," "has to study," "not enough time." I've told him that I feel like the man in the relationship when that's all I ever hear, or that maybe there's something wrong with me, that I want to have sex more than him, but I don't think that's true.
I'm not sure I could convince him to go to counseling. If I asked him to, I know he would, but he'd drag his feet, and it likely wouldn't be productive anyway.
I'm losing my respect for him in the bedroom, and it makes it difficult for me to want to express affection in any other way, when he can't fit the traditional role of "man," and take the initiative in this. It makes me feel so undesirable, and I hate having to be close to him after he turns me down. It ends with nights like tonight, where he snores away in bed, and I sit up on the couch after a good cry, because I can't stand to be next to him, I'm so angry and disappointed. It makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong, and why I'm just so STUPID that I keep trying, day after day, sincerely getting my hopes up, only to get turned down, and left to wallow in the fact that HE never initiates me, and I"m just so PISSED at him!
It's a bit of a rant, I realize, but I sincerely and honestly don't know what I can do, whether for myself or for him.
Put the internet to work for you.
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