So, I apologize ahead of time if this is long-I haven't posted much on this board-here and there. I am a big reader though. I got married in October of last year. My husband is honestly one of the sweetest guys-everybody loves him, including me. But during a misunderstanding or argument he acts like a different guy.
I have been experiencing some health concerns lately-I noticed a lump and swelling in my left leg and my whole leg gets swollen and hot and the veins bulge a bit. It's quite painful-my mother who was a nurse said it could be DVT (A blood clot) and I should get it checked out. So we decided I would make an appointment my next day off because we can't afford for me to miss any work right now.
So I have been very anxious about this and have had some pretty intense anxiety with pain in my chest when I take deep breaths, and occasionally getting short of breath. I haven't been able to sleep much from worrying and pain that wakes me up. so I went to work and had a stressful day due to some ongoing problems with one of my employees. I was gone 9 hours-My husband knows abut my leg and what my mom said, etc. I come home and he greets me -we talk about our days. He had the day off and spent half the day sleeping and half the day playing video games and having fun. Well about 10 minutes after coming home I get up to start dinner and the kitchen is a mess-the sink is full of dishes, the garbage is overloaded and he says he is going to call his brother back. (His brother called that morning-early, and my husband didn't take the call because he was too sleepy. I encouraged him to call him back that morning in case it was an emergency since it was kind of an early call) So I clean the kitchen, start dinner and then go to take the garbage out and he tells his brother to hold on (They are talking about IRAs and investments) and says "baby i'll do that" when I am already halfway out the door-but he doesn't actually move or get up to help. SO I just wave at him like "Its fine" and go and do it.
when he gets off the phone he comes and asks if I'm all right and I say "I guess-I just hurt and we haven't spent much time together" and he hugs me. Then he goes and plays a video game for the next hour and doesn't really talk to me.....so, yeah, I am pretty hurt and sad.
He eventually stops playing (When I finish dinner and he comes and eats) and says he wants to spend time with me. I told him It felt like I wasn't much of a priority today and I need him because I have been so concerned and in pain. He said "How often do I talk to my brother? You have to be fair and let me talk to my brother" Meanwhile-I encouraged him to call his brother back that morning and he had the entire day to himself....and it wasn't even the phone call that made me feel low, it was his immediately playing a video game. So-this lead to an argument because he kept saying "You are mad that I talked to my brother?" and no matter how many times I tried to explain it, he just didn't get it-and I didn't yell or call names or any of that stuff.
So, the next morning, my dr's appointment-my mom was taking me because she is pretty good friends with our family doc and she wanted to talk to him about my sister's lupus. I thought My husband would go with me since it was kind of a big deal. Anyway, he didn't talk to me that morning as I was getting ready to leave-he laid in bed-awake- and I went over and kissed him goodbye on his forehead. He didn't say a word...so I went and immediately got sent to the hospital for an ultrasound for DVT -I was a hold and call-I texted this to my husband and I got no response for almost an hour-so I texted again and he finally responded asking what the scan said and said he was praying for me and stuff.
Eventually it came back negative for DVT but I had Superficial thrombophlebitis which is swelling and inflammation of the superficial veins caused by clots. Told this to my husband via phone and he went to work. When I got home, I followed doc's orders and was looking through our search history on our laptop to find a website about my condition I had looked at the previous day when I was looking up all the things it could be. scrolling through, I saw that my husband was watching wrestling and looking at pictures of half naked WWE divas while I was in the hospital.....
So am I being crazy? I mean-I am really hurt and when I tell him "the way you acted today made me feel really uncared for because I needed your emotional support and you didn't come to the hospital or even kiss me goodbye" he says "I am so tired of hearing you say you feel like I don't care". I feel like instead of listening and trying to communicate and work things out, he gets defensive or dismissive. I don't know how else to get through to him?? any advice/ideas? I just want him to try and be a little more empathetic.
I have been experiencing some health concerns lately-I noticed a lump and swelling in my left leg and my whole leg gets swollen and hot and the veins bulge a bit. It's quite painful-my mother who was a nurse said it could be DVT (A blood clot) and I should get it checked out. So we decided I would make an appointment my next day off because we can't afford for me to miss any work right now.
So I have been very anxious about this and have had some pretty intense anxiety with pain in my chest when I take deep breaths, and occasionally getting short of breath. I haven't been able to sleep much from worrying and pain that wakes me up. so I went to work and had a stressful day due to some ongoing problems with one of my employees. I was gone 9 hours-My husband knows abut my leg and what my mom said, etc. I come home and he greets me -we talk about our days. He had the day off and spent half the day sleeping and half the day playing video games and having fun. Well about 10 minutes after coming home I get up to start dinner and the kitchen is a mess-the sink is full of dishes, the garbage is overloaded and he says he is going to call his brother back. (His brother called that morning-early, and my husband didn't take the call because he was too sleepy. I encouraged him to call him back that morning in case it was an emergency since it was kind of an early call) So I clean the kitchen, start dinner and then go to take the garbage out and he tells his brother to hold on (They are talking about IRAs and investments) and says "baby i'll do that" when I am already halfway out the door-but he doesn't actually move or get up to help. SO I just wave at him like "Its fine" and go and do it.
when he gets off the phone he comes and asks if I'm all right and I say "I guess-I just hurt and we haven't spent much time together" and he hugs me. Then he goes and plays a video game for the next hour and doesn't really talk to me.....so, yeah, I am pretty hurt and sad.
He eventually stops playing (When I finish dinner and he comes and eats) and says he wants to spend time with me. I told him It felt like I wasn't much of a priority today and I need him because I have been so concerned and in pain. He said "How often do I talk to my brother? You have to be fair and let me talk to my brother" Meanwhile-I encouraged him to call his brother back that morning and he had the entire day to himself....and it wasn't even the phone call that made me feel low, it was his immediately playing a video game. So-this lead to an argument because he kept saying "You are mad that I talked to my brother?" and no matter how many times I tried to explain it, he just didn't get it-and I didn't yell or call names or any of that stuff.
So, the next morning, my dr's appointment-my mom was taking me because she is pretty good friends with our family doc and she wanted to talk to him about my sister's lupus. I thought My husband would go with me since it was kind of a big deal. Anyway, he didn't talk to me that morning as I was getting ready to leave-he laid in bed-awake- and I went over and kissed him goodbye on his forehead. He didn't say a word...so I went and immediately got sent to the hospital for an ultrasound for DVT -I was a hold and call-I texted this to my husband and I got no response for almost an hour-so I texted again and he finally responded asking what the scan said and said he was praying for me and stuff.
Eventually it came back negative for DVT but I had Superficial thrombophlebitis which is swelling and inflammation of the superficial veins caused by clots. Told this to my husband via phone and he went to work. When I got home, I followed doc's orders and was looking through our search history on our laptop to find a website about my condition I had looked at the previous day when I was looking up all the things it could be. scrolling through, I saw that my husband was watching wrestling and looking at pictures of half naked WWE divas while I was in the hospital.....
So am I being crazy? I mean-I am really hurt and when I tell him "the way you acted today made me feel really uncared for because I needed your emotional support and you didn't come to the hospital or even kiss me goodbye" he says "I am so tired of hearing you say you feel like I don't care". I feel like instead of listening and trying to communicate and work things out, he gets defensive or dismissive. I don't know how else to get through to him?? any advice/ideas? I just want him to try and be a little more empathetic.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment