Facts: I have posted before but here is summary:
Married ten years, dated for five. Age: both mid 30's. both working,both very successful careers. two young children. Our oldest has learning disability (nothing major but has taken a toll on us).
Wife had an affair DD Sept'13 that lasted three weeks (business trip and then once more --he is local). Trickled truth for months. I discovered the affair. She has been remorseful since discovery. She claims no contact since Dec '13. She remains at the same company (large company). I have not forced her to quit(more on that later.....)
We attempted MC. I quit after 4 months. She started IC and continues.
I:
Having trouble sleeping at night. (was on antidepressant/sleeping medication but have stopped). I fall asleep and then wake up for several hours every night (usually around 3am). My wife wakes up with me and calms me down with soothing methods (talks calmly to me, back scratching, etc).
Often soothe my emotional pain with alcohol (I never had an issue with alcohol before DD). I sometimes drink too much. Often I abuse alcohol when I have anger built up so much that my head is pounding all day and run to alcohol to escape. It calms me, it soothes me, but I make bad decisions (storming out of the house drunk to the nearest bar)...... this is less and less but occurs every three-four weeks.
Often think about having a revenge affair. Something to even the score. Something to let her feel the same pain I am going through. I know in the end this does nothing but bring more pain, but sometimes I get the in "I don't give a f***" mindset
Often think about divorce. I am very successful, still young, and keep in shape, I could find the trophy wife ten years my Jr. I have not asked her to leave her job b/c it is a good job and if I choose the D route, I want her to be able to make good money for the kids (we live in a state that is difficult to divorce and the woman almost always keeps the kids).
Anger. five months ago it was just anger. Now it's anger towards her. Hence why I contemplate a RA.
------------------------
So here I am--in a Dante's First Circle, wanting to work things out, but not feeling fully committed (I guess it's fear of being hurt again.) Limbo- but it beats the first three months after DD and also the anger stage that has seemed to diminish the last three months. So the emotional rollercoaster continues....
I recognize our marriage wasn't great before, not excusing the affair, just reality. We both settled on "well this is marriage",...passion gone, romance gone. Discovering that our oldest child has a disability took us over the edge, especially on how we viewed/how to handle the disability.
Any advice/comments from the veterans that have (un)successfully been through this?
I am drained....
Married ten years, dated for five. Age: both mid 30's. both working,both very successful careers. two young children. Our oldest has learning disability (nothing major but has taken a toll on us).
Wife had an affair DD Sept'13 that lasted three weeks (business trip and then once more --he is local). Trickled truth for months. I discovered the affair. She has been remorseful since discovery. She claims no contact since Dec '13. She remains at the same company (large company). I have not forced her to quit(more on that later.....)
We attempted MC. I quit after 4 months. She started IC and continues.
I:
Having trouble sleeping at night. (was on antidepressant/sleeping medication but have stopped). I fall asleep and then wake up for several hours every night (usually around 3am). My wife wakes up with me and calms me down with soothing methods (talks calmly to me, back scratching, etc).
Often soothe my emotional pain with alcohol (I never had an issue with alcohol before DD). I sometimes drink too much. Often I abuse alcohol when I have anger built up so much that my head is pounding all day and run to alcohol to escape. It calms me, it soothes me, but I make bad decisions (storming out of the house drunk to the nearest bar)...... this is less and less but occurs every three-four weeks.
Often think about having a revenge affair. Something to even the score. Something to let her feel the same pain I am going through. I know in the end this does nothing but bring more pain, but sometimes I get the in "I don't give a f***" mindset
Often think about divorce. I am very successful, still young, and keep in shape, I could find the trophy wife ten years my Jr. I have not asked her to leave her job b/c it is a good job and if I choose the D route, I want her to be able to make good money for the kids (we live in a state that is difficult to divorce and the woman almost always keeps the kids).
Anger. five months ago it was just anger. Now it's anger towards her. Hence why I contemplate a RA.
------------------------
So here I am--in a Dante's First Circle, wanting to work things out, but not feeling fully committed (I guess it's fear of being hurt again.) Limbo- but it beats the first three months after DD and also the anger stage that has seemed to diminish the last three months. So the emotional rollercoaster continues....
I recognize our marriage wasn't great before, not excusing the affair, just reality. We both settled on "well this is marriage",...passion gone, romance gone. Discovering that our oldest child has a disability took us over the edge, especially on how we viewed/how to handle the disability.
Any advice/comments from the veterans that have (un)successfully been through this?
I am drained....
Put the internet to work for you.
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