Hi everyone, wife and I have been married for eight years. She is a SAHM and we have two daughters (4,7). As with any marriage there have been ebs and flows. However we are at a point where she has said nothing can be done to help our our marriage. As a backdrop, I have struggled with alcohol and legal drug abuse for several years. I have been deceitful about my use and have promised multiple times to fix my issues. In addition, I have been guilty of emotionally checking out of our marriage. Ie..not talking, closing off in another room etc.. I however have always been physically there. Meaning I help around the house and she would even tell you that I am an excellent father. We have tried marriage counseling in the past with little success.
My wife is a very strong willed and independent woman. She is typically very unforgiving, buries her feelings and can hold grudges. Because of this she can be very nasty in conversation or disputes. I have always taken issue with this.
As I said, we are not at a good point. I think the years of deceit and mistrust in me have taken its toll on her. I have never been unfaithful and neither has she. But, I have gone out of my way to disguise my addiction.
I am once and for all on my way to tackle my issues head on. It will be tough but my resolve is steadfast. I have seen a counselor and will be attending AA meetings this weekend. I realize I need help. In addition, I am seeing a psychologist next week to deal with my demons. I know that I must work on "me" before even thinking about working on "us."
We have discussed separation but have nothing really set in stone. Right now we are amicable but there is no physical or real emotional attachment form her. She is just kind of there. Aside from dealing with me I have no idea on how to approach my marriage at this point. I guess thats why I am posting on this site. Should I try the whole 180 thing? Should I give in and just let her go? That is not what I want, but I do love her and at the end of the day I want her to be happy. If I had my choice I would want her to at least give me some time to deal with my problems and seek marriage counseling. Which by the way she has said she has no intention of doing. Has anyone been in a similar situation and succeeded in being a better man while showing your staunchly resolved wife that things can and do change? Just totally and completely lost right now.....
My wife is a very strong willed and independent woman. She is typically very unforgiving, buries her feelings and can hold grudges. Because of this she can be very nasty in conversation or disputes. I have always taken issue with this.
As I said, we are not at a good point. I think the years of deceit and mistrust in me have taken its toll on her. I have never been unfaithful and neither has she. But, I have gone out of my way to disguise my addiction.
I am once and for all on my way to tackle my issues head on. It will be tough but my resolve is steadfast. I have seen a counselor and will be attending AA meetings this weekend. I realize I need help. In addition, I am seeing a psychologist next week to deal with my demons. I know that I must work on "me" before even thinking about working on "us."
We have discussed separation but have nothing really set in stone. Right now we are amicable but there is no physical or real emotional attachment form her. She is just kind of there. Aside from dealing with me I have no idea on how to approach my marriage at this point. I guess thats why I am posting on this site. Should I try the whole 180 thing? Should I give in and just let her go? That is not what I want, but I do love her and at the end of the day I want her to be happy. If I had my choice I would want her to at least give me some time to deal with my problems and seek marriage counseling. Which by the way she has said she has no intention of doing. Has anyone been in a similar situation and succeeded in being a better man while showing your staunchly resolved wife that things can and do change? Just totally and completely lost right now.....
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