| I am 24 years old and 6 months ago met a girl from plenty of fish aged 21. We hit it off online immediately. She seemed different than all other girls I'd ever been interested in, she seemed to be very young at heart, almost like a ten year old stuck in a twenty one year olds body. She didn't seem to fit in with others very well because of this. But this intrigued me to no end and she was very interested in me as well. The first time alarm bells went off in my mind was when she told me online whilst chatting ''I try not to get attached to men". After two weeks we met up and went tot he cinema. It went great, we got to chat a lot, she seemed very sweet, cute and had the sweetest eyes and smile. Our second date we went to get something to eat and chat, and the conversation flowed effortlessly, we had such a good time, and really enjoyed each others company. Whilst eating she told me that she had dyspraxia, dyslexia and ADD. She also told me that her longest relationship had been 6 months. At this point I was starting to feel that I did like her and felt intrigued by her personality. After our second date is when the oddness started. I woke up one morning, checked my facebook and she had sent me a relationship request and a message saying ''I was thinking that it's about time I change my relationship status to in a relationship". I found this odd as we had only met two weeks ago, but I knew she could be a bit impulsive and spontaneous (maybe due to her ADD) and I had no problem with it as I did like her and figured "I'll see where it goes". I had no intention of seeing anyone else anyway so thus I entered into a relationship with her. A few dates later (all that went well I assumed) the oddness started. She seemed to break the rapport we had when chatting online, and go into her own world more, she simply didn't seem as interested. She never said or did anything bad though, just didn't seem as passionate. Anyway, this was fine as I figured even if her 'passion' had gone for the relationship, it always does and relationships change. I believe that if we fight this change, thats what causes problems a lot fo the time so I went with it, and things continued to be fine, just a bit less dramatic and 'close'. She told me she didn't like making out, so for the next few months we'd only give quick, little single kisses on the lips very sparingly, of which she'd always get tense afterwards and back away. It was tthe same with cuddling. She'd get visible awkward, tense and sometimes grumpy if I cuddled her too much. One day after we had been bowling, sitting with a drink she told me in a humorous way. "I've got a nasty habit of dumping guys before they get too close because I'm socially awkward". This set alarm bells off in my mind again. I basically then was blunt with her and asked her if she'd tell me if I became ''too close'' and she agreed, but told me she's not going to dump me, and that it was just a mandatory warning her friend told her to give any guys as she doesn't have the best track record. About three months in now, we still continued our weekly (sometimes fortnightly) dates, all of them going well, but we still had not had sex. She planned when we could do it, which I found a bit strange but went along with it. She planned it for one night after a party we both planned to go to. After this party, we went back to our hotel room. I asked her if she was nervous, and she told me "a bit, it's been a while". Anyway, when it came to it, she basically planked, thats how tense she became. She seemed petrified. Terrified. I took the lead naturaly as Im not shy, and she said "now is the part where I don't know what to do". Anyway, long story short, after lots of help to help her relax, we managed to attempt sex. But she was too scared and thus 'too tight'. It hurt her a lot due to this and I figured she has vaginismus (an involuntary contraction of the pelvic floor muscles in women preventing penetration). This seemed purely down to fear. Anyway, that was our first attempt. Six months later we still haven't done it. It isn't a big bother to me as I'm more concerned about creating and maintaining that connection we share. Sex comes second in my mind. Anyway, she was speaking to my friend who accidentally told her that I said I don't always feel loved by her which upset her. Since then she seems to ahve been trying a lot harder to be sweet and affectionate toward me. She seems very shy to just say 'I love you', so she will do it in strange ways, like by pointing at me during a love song. Anyway, last week she had a very bad few days at work and her personal life which depressed her deeply. During this time I didn't hear a word from her for two days. I felt worried sick and tried calling etc. She only told me ''dont worry Im okay, no need to worry and phone " and then again I heard nothing. I spoke to her friend Tash who told me "She has had a very bad few days and told me not to tell you because she doesn't want you to worry". This made me more uspet as I wanted to do nothing but help her! I also noticed she was deliberately ignoring my messages on facebook. It would say 'seen' but she'd not reply. Two days later she came back, and apologised and explained how she felt terrible about things in her life and that she knows its bad for relationships but she just hides from the world when she feels like that, and explained that she feels she doesn't deserve me, and that I deserve to be treated better, and that she needs to change. I agreed and had a firm but kind talk with her. The next day she blurted out a load of issues to me, which I really appreciated her doing as she obviously find it hard, but the day after she again continued to not speak. I could easily just dump her with this behaviour but I know she struggles a lot with relationships, and has many issues when it comes to these kinds of things so I don't blame her. I know she tries and is trying, and her heart is set in the right direction but I do find it difficult. Mainly because I care about her so much. I don't want to leave her because I love her (and she says she loves me), but it does upset me (and she does know) when she vanishes when shes upset. Currently, I've decided to just let her have the space she needs. I'm letting her take the first move to talk if she wants to say something, otherwise I'm just letting her keep the ball in her court (so to speak) so that I don't overwhelm her, as she is very easily overwhelmed, even with the slightest affection. What are your thoughts on this? Does she sound like she has some kind of personality disorder and if so what kind? I do NOT want to dump her, I love her, so am I handling this the best way? I also am not going to lose my temper with her because I'm more interested in trying to understand her behaviour. It seems obviously linked to her disorders in some way, and all I want to knmow is hwo I can handle it in the best possible way, or if I am already? | |||
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