| Greetings, I'm a very personal person and can't really talk to any of my girlfriends about this. I'm hoping to get some useful advice if anyone here has experience with this. I'm 34 and I have 7 children. Yes, that's really 7. Don't judge me but that's what it is. I had my first child at 16 and I was really into the streets. All of my children are out of wedlock and it was pretty rough raising them on my own and trying to work. At 29, I became saved. I joined a church not far from my home and the members were really nice. Prior to this, I worked as an exotic dancer as well as an escort. Once I found my church home, I was eventually able to move away from this lifestyle. I started dating one of the deacons at the church. He is much older than me (30 + years older) and that bothered me at first. He treated me like a queen and took care of me and all of my kids. He helped me get back in school and also watched my kids. We don't have any children together. He got me a job working as a secretary and that's where I am currently. He also proposed and we got hitched last year. So why am I here? Well bluntly, our sex life sucks. He is a very loving man and we are compatible. It's just the sex is very monotone and he doesn't satisfy me. I've been involved with another man at my job for 4 months. Our relationship is strictly sexual. We used each other for sex and sex only. My husband found out about this because I left my phone out. He found photos and videos of me and the other man. He came to me crying and we just poured out our hearts to each other. I told him that I love him but he doesn't satisfy me sexually. That was very hurtful to do but I wanted to tell him the truth. I had already planned to disconnect with the other man because of this. I wanted to try to get my life back on track and focus on my husband and kids. My husband stunned me last night and told me that he is fine with me sleeping with other men as long as I use protection and I tell him up front. He says that he knows that he could never give me what I want sexually but he doesn't want to lose me over this. Now I don't know what to do. He thinks this would make me happy but I was expecting him to suggest using toys in the bedroom or at least he could try to take something to be harder. I feel like he is giving up on this. I've thought about the consequences and I know that if I do continue to sleep with other men, I would have a connection with them that I could never have with my husband. He doesn't see it now but if there is another man that is breaking me off really well, I would have no reason to sleep with my husband at all. There's just too many scenarios and I'm confused. I really love this man and I want to stay with him. If I tell him that I only want to sleep with him, he will know that deep down I am unhappy. He says that all he wants is me and my happiness. What should I do? | |||
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