| For those of you who did not see my previous thread: ttp://www.relationship-forums.com/showthread.php?t=43585 We are both in our 20s (he is a few years younger, but finished college years ago), he is Asian while I am mixed, and he is much more out-going than I am. We began dating in January, but were friends for over a year, since we took part in the same community (gaming, etc) after he asked me out for the 3Rd time (I never date and I reject every guy, but nicely). After that, we had a cooking date at his place, where he asked me what I was looking for in our relationship; he said that because he is uncertain where his life is headed, he cannot get into anything super-serious, will not label "us", and I agreed (he later changed this and we began to act like a serious couple), but asked that we not flaunt our relationship since I was very inexperienced (this was his 3rd or 4th relationship, and barely my 2nd, but my previous was not serious AT ALL and was shorter). We went out to various restaurants (he never allowed me to pay, even though I wanted to, but his income is much, much higher than mine). However, before Valentines Day, his job sent him overseas twice (engineer), so we went over 2 months without seeing each other much. After he returned, he seemed to miss me a lot, bought me a few gifts from his trip, but we began seeing each other once a week or every other week OUTSIDE of events that we participated in. I assumed it had a lot to do with him working Monday-Friday, 9-5 and me working nightshifts and having NO weekends off unless I requested them off for special events. Regardless, we bonded, helped each other out, tag-teamed, supported each other and he was always the PERFECT gentleman; he would carry my things, open doors, comfort me and much, much more. When a relative passed away in February, he was there for me, despite being overseas at the time. He also constantly texted and kept me up to date. I did not text him as much, but always responded quickly and he apologized for being out of touch. But in late May, he began contacting me less, we went out less, despite living 15 minutes away, when I would show affection at times, he would seem uncomfortable (I assume because of my virginity, and he had no intention of taking it, because he did not want to "hurt me" and because it means a lot to me), despite being VERY attracted to me. And then he suddenly lost his job and fell off the face of the earth. Before losing his job, I began to express a bit of frustration, due to his lack of care. To me, he seemed to stop "trying" and he was afraid that I wanted to break up with him soon, so he wanted to meet up and work things out-- but he lost his job before that would happen. When it happened, told me something bad happened at work and he will be out of contact with everyone. He apologized and asked me to give him time to put his life back together. We ended up only texting twice for a month, and I ran into him in person, where he told me everything, but said he felt a lot of shame. He got a new job weeks later, but he was still being neglectful, and I began to assume that either he stopped caring for me/everyone else was more important (he always went out with his guys on the weekends, which I was fine with until he saw them much more than me), or perhaps he was seeing someone else, despite not being the type to cheat. He is a VERY popular, social guy, despite the fact that he is very average-looking, and people who knew said I was out of his league. He did take me out somewhat immediately after being hired, then for my birthday a few weeks ago. But even then, I sensed some detachment from him... So OUT OF NOWHERE, we ended up not speaking/texting for almost 2 weeks, but he was planning an event (it happened on Sunday), which I vowed to help him with. Last week, I sent him a text about helping him with his event and wishing him a good week, which he kindly responded to. Then I added that I truly needed to speak to him about things that I have been putting off for a while, and he actually said that he also had A FEW things that he would like to discuss with me as well. I thought as much, but wished him a good day. BTW, outside of my recent relationship issues, I have been suffering from various personal and health issues, but ultimately, I wanted to discuss his neglectful behavior and where he stood when it came to us... So he went a few days without contacting me again, but on Friday, I told him good work on organizing an d setting up his event that was coming up on Sunday, and that I was still trying my best to promote it and help him...He thanked me and explained more about it to me, and then I reminded him that I would still like to talk, especially before his event and I am certain that both of us would like to get it over with...He then made plans to meet at the mall by my place, and he suggested the food court, but asked if I preferred a restaurant-- I chose a restaurant for privacy reasons and for about a week, I pretty much knew we were breaking up... So we decided to meet at the restaurant on Saturday afternoon, but he did not specify whether we would be driving there separately or not, which caused confusion and resulted in me driving there while he was already waiting there. The stress of confusion and the zero sleep I got the night before resulted in my nerves being SHOT when I finally arrived. And the HEAT! As we met in the restaurant, he complimented my hair, because he has never seen it down before, but I was far too shaken to even speak, so I ran into the restroom in order to regain composure... Eventually, he decided that we go elsewhere or outside to talk, which I agreed to, but felt bad, since he was hungry. So we went to the bench outside near the water fountain. he asked me what did I want to say, but I told him that I would rather him speak first (as we probably had similar things to say, and some of the things that I meant to say applied only if we wished to remain a couple, because I waited too late to have a serious talk and did not want to put extra stress on him), so he ended up apologizing for being a "bad boyfriend"; explained that we have been going out less, texting less and that many things have been going on in his life-- causing him to re-evaluate everything. He continued by saying that his lack of free time is unfair to me, because he does not believe he can change that anytime soon, which would be unfair to any girl he would be with and then he continued to compliment me. He said I am a wonderful person, one of his "more PERFECT girlfriends", and said that he knows I can find someone who will treat me better...I calmly agreed with his neglectful behavior, but t old him that I understand he is busy, has a social life, and is also an organizer, then he said that because of his new job, he barely has enough free time for anything, and again, he would not want to keep me waiting. He kept saying that I did NOTHING WRONG, despite my insecurities, and said that he is still uncertain about what he would like to do with his life and it also seems that I have a lot going on/changes as well. I then asked him if he was so uncertain, so busy and apparently content with his life, then WHY did he persue our relationship? I sacrificed a bit (shyness, indepenence, days off, a bit of my reputation of being a strong, innocent woman who does not need a man) to be with him and will never trust a guy again. He answered, he did not know that all of these changes would happen, but the past 6 months with me have been perfect, wonderful, he has very fond memories and would do it all over again-- I showed him a different, more humble, pure side of life. He a dded that he hopes/knows I can find someone much better than him (he CONSTANTLY said in the past that he was not good enough for me), that he DID love me and, "always will love" me-- which shocked me and caused me to burst into tears....He comforted me as I told him that I wanted to tell him that for a while, yet never had the chance to until now...I truly wish that he would have told me that while we were together, but it makes me both happy and SAD to know that in the end, he finally said those words. So I told him that he was the first man in the community (the same hobby) that I ever became close to, the first man that I ever loved, and yet, I was unable to do anything for him...Then I added as I was sobbing, "I love you and would have done ANYTHING for you...because when you love someone, you will do anything for them...!" He also mentioned that if life was more simple & we remained stagnant, we would probably be together forever...At one point, I told him that I kind o f assumed that I did something wrong, or he was seeing someone else, which he strongly denied, and told me that is not the case at all. Eventually, I regained my composure, he thanked me for all of the memories, and said that he would like to remain in my life, as a friend, and he will always be there for me...However, he said that if I do not come to his event, he will understand, because it is hard, but I told him I would still help if he needed it. I also told him that if/when he dates someone else, I would not feel comfortable contacting him, but he replied, he does not know if he will ever date anyone again, so I should reach out if needed... He also kept saying that he, "screwed up" and "sucks at relationships", but at least he said that we had no problems-- only fond memories, and one of his fondest memories being, hugs :) So then I have him his plate back, he cleaned my glasses and kept offering to walk me to my car (which I refused, because it was dirty), then we waved farewell and we went our separate ways... Continued on next reply, sorry! | |||
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