| I came here because I need to talk about this very stressful situation between my H and I. We have been married 14 years. We knew each other 5 years before we married. He was in the Navy and I was a navy wife for 13 years. He just retired after 20 years. We lived innavy housing for 11 years of it. We had a lot of ups and downs while libing there. We do have 2 kids...a girl (9) and a boy (13). Before we married ( i was 22..he was 27) we ddidn't have the dating theme. We were just friends. Best friends. So we didn't do muvh before we had the kids. The downs that we had were because I have a mental illness diagnosed in my late 20's. At first they dx it depression/anxiety...but I'm really bipolar 2 rapid cycling with panic and I have borderline personality disorder. So...I could not handle it when he was on the boat overseas. He had to come back half way through because I would have episodes. I was a faithful spouse all through the 13 years we were married. When he retired and we moved to a diff state it was so stressful for him learning how to be a civilian. And get a well paying job. He is the soul provider . I'm a homemaker cause of my panic attacks. I'm 36 now and he's 41. I was a supportive wife and he got a job that is similar to tge military work hours. He works swing shift. We lived in an apartment for a year waiting for our house to be built. I had problems with my husband that began to surface even more since he retired. He is a yeller and I couldn't stand it along with the cussing. He was always stressed. Typ e A personality. Very inattentive to me and the kids. Wouldnt listen to me for very long without blowing up etc. He is also not affectionate at all. Those are the things I needed but he didn't know how to give. I started helping people on a social anxiety website. I gave a psychology degree and like that sort of thing. But I wasn't aware of my boundaries and met some people on there. Guys. I could talk to guys more than girls. We would help wach other out. Well the problem is I fell for one in Austrailia and had cybersex. I didn't realize it was cheating at the time. I met others too. But this one I fell for. It didn't last long. After that I met another Austrailian who I also talkef about anxiety but after we got to know each other I fell for him. My husband knows all that I did now. After being secretive. I was angry with him and would leave a lot in the mist of a fight cause he wouldn't listen and always yells. So I didn't care anymore. I continued to have these online relationships. I never wanted anyone who lived by me. We live in our house now and I still contact the Austrailian. It got worse. I called him and texted him. Before this I usefd to stay up all night chatting and doing things in skype. That ended because I confessed to hubby what I was doing. He deserved to know. Well right now I can't seem to end my friendship with this guy. Or relationship. I'm in denial. My husbans changed his ways in the mean time. We even go to vhurch together now. But every time I screw things up by talking to the guy on skype. Its like I'm obsessed. My husband is hurting. I understand why. Before it didn't sink in or I was in denial that I was cheating and how much this affected my husband. I can see he really loves me now. I blame myself fully for destroying our marriage. We are close to divorce if I continue. He doesn't want to though. I am trying my hardest to get past this and not contact him. Since I don't work I get bored and with hubbies swing shift the night time is the hardest. I want to heal the wounds I left for my husband. Hes trying so hard and I haven't been. I just repeat my wrongdoings over and over. I have been reluctant to get help cause of the negativity I will get. I want help. For me at first it was the problems with hubby and my age. I had a higher sex drive. Now it is just an addiction aling with lonliness and wanting to tslk with someone I'm comfortable with. I'm trying to figure out why I do this to myself and my husband. I know I'm a good person. I just got caught in this cycle. I dknt know how to make this up to my husband and how we can get past this. Posted via Topify using Android | |||
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