| Right so I know this will sound silly, and I hate people who blame their parents for all of their failings in life, especially as an adult, but this one is genuinely down to the way I was brought up. My mother always made it out to be a bad thing for me to be involved (in almost any way) with boys when I was younger. She never spoke to me about relationships, she and my father had a very bad relationship and they never shared a bed at all since I can remember as a young child (my dad passed away a couple of years ago but that's fairly irrelevant, just explaining why I'm speaking in past tense). She had affairs with other men. This did create a fairly ****ed up sense of real adult relationships to me but since I've had some wonderful relationships. However, I've never told her about them. From an early age, she would either patronise me or make me feel embarrassed when I talked about boys. If I was friends with boys at school, she'd make it out to be something more. This happened from a young age, but most noticably and probably with the most profound effect it happened when I was a teenager. She's very nosy, she looks through my stuff even now and doesn't give me an ounce of privacy, she stalks my facebook account all the time and I have tried to change my privacy settings to stop it. I remember once, when I was about 13, she consulted me about the fact I had "loads and loads of boys numbers" in my phone. They were all friends numbers, I had a lot of male friends. But she made me feel ashamed about it and didn't acknowledge that it was wrong for her to be searching through my phone, which also shows lack of trust. Once, when I was maybe 14 or 15 I was out with some friends in the city, I caught the train home and my parents picked me up from the station. I was with a male friend. They saw me say goodbye to him and head towards the car, and both of my parents went crazy at me for the fact I was alone with a boy. I had my first boyfriend at the age of 14. It was obviously quite a young, innocent relationship. We were friends first, we held hands, we kissed, that was it. I never told her about it, even though I wanted to. Since, I have never told her about a single relationship. I lived a lie for years. When relatives ask about me having a boyfriend, she always jumps in and answers for me and says "no I think she's waiting to finish her education first" and then changes the story, really awkwardly. We're not very close, mostly for the privacy reasons, so since moving to university it has never been a problem not telling her about relationships etc, and she's never asked. However now I'm in a fairly serious relationship. It's not even my longest, but it's the most in love I've ever been with someone. I want to be introduced to his family and I imagine the same goes for him. We both live in London and my mum lives in Manchester, but his parents live in the outskirts of london. I'd really like to spend christmas here and invite my mum down, maybe try and get closer to her and we can do stuff together in London and she can meet him. But I just can't get over the hurdle of telling her I'm in a loving, adult, sexual relationship. It's now just so ingrained into me to not tell her anything about my life that she may be intrusive with that I'm worried and embarrassed to say anything. So my questions are- How do I get over this? How do I tell her? I also kind of want to highlight to her that this is not my first ever relationship, because she may take it less seriously, but I also want to talk to her about giving me my privacy without offending or upsetting her, because even now she's incredibly intrusive and I can imagine a boyfriend will make her even more so. | |||
| | |||
| | |||
|
No comments:
Post a Comment