| I've been married for almost 14 years. My husband is a good provider and a good father to our 2 kids. I don't know why I don't trust him. He's never really given me a reason not to. However, lately we are arguing more and more over things stemmed from my jealousy. He claims he doesn't want to be with anyone else, yet the problem is I don't feel like he even wants to be with me. About 3 years ago my husband took on a new position at his job that requires most of his time. He travels often and when he isn't out of state, he works about 65 hours a week. Around that time he was dianosed with hypertension. He claims this effected his libido. We have sex maybe 3 times a year. I can't help but feel that this is because he finds me unattractive since I've never known a man not to want to have sex. Around 2 years ago, I decided I wanted a trial seperation. I couldn't stand feeling like I was so far down on his priority list anymore. It was hurting me to feel like I didn't matter. I dated a little in that time, but the only men I met weren't interested in anything I had to say or feel, just wanted to get in my pants. Needless to say, this was not the direction I wanted to go, so I decided to give our marriage a second chance. However, we now are arguing often, because of my jealousy. I suppose I figure if he's at work that much and isn't having sex with me, it must be with someone. Life seemed easier when I didn't care what he did. I know I have self esteem issues. I was a very overweight child and was brutally teased for it. My father walked out on us when I was 7. I wasn't a big dater. However, when I did date, it was one destructive relationship after another. I have deep rooted rejection issuses. I suppose I see my husband as not making time for me or having sex with me as a form of rejection. I honestly feel like this has taken a toll on me to a point of not knowing how to even fix this. I have very few friends and no family. I rely on my husband very much for support but I feel like he has no time for me. When and if he calls me from work, his conversations are maybe 5 minutes before he's swept into another meeting. When the car breaks or something goes wrong, I have to handle it on my own because he isn't avaliable. I had several biopsies taken last week and have been in a lot of pain and had to go alone because I had no one. I feel like if he hasn't cheated yet, he will at some point. I'm constantly thinking he's up to no good when he's out of town. Thinking that he is secretly seeing someone else. I'm so depressed all the time and feel so alone. | |||
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