Vulnerable WITH boundaries - the Final Frontier

A bit more about me - and a concept that I think will be helpful. Waking up is painful. Eliminating #3's DOES restore your personal power. Once it's restored, what should be done? Think of it this way. Caterpillars tend to get squished. Think of caterpillars as codependents - with no boundaries. Constantly pleasing, seeking approval, and getting stomped on. At the larval stage, the caterpillar goes into a cocoon. He's finally able to put walls around himself and cuts himself off largely from the outside world to work on himself. To emerge from the cocoon, he needs to take his new wings and beat himself senseless against the walls he's erected until they crack open. What emerges? An airworthy butterfly - replete with amazing power to fly through the air and bring beauty to the world. Is the butterfly as vulnerable as the caterpillar? Not really - because the butterfly has the instinct and courage to fly away from danger, he actually has boundaries. Yes, the world can get to the butterfly and hurt it, but the inner beauty of the butterfly transcends those encounters and it has a new ability, which provides able protection against predators. Think of it this way: Stop paying her to leave you! Are you in therapy? You aren't going to nice anyone out of this. All of these are encouragement to enter the cocoon and do the hard work of growth. Stand up to them Get to 50,000 feet and observe Get the #3's out of your life! All of these are invitations to do the hard work while in the cocoon and grow the new wings necessary to fly The next stage is a bit more fluid, as the butterfly tests its new wings in the world. This can be with the STBX - or in a new relationship. Yes, some of this testimony is personal, as I realize it's ok to risk being hurt - because a cool, firm, dispassionate course correction is now so easy to administer. In a climate of mutual respect, we realize the hurts we so feared when we were codependent are not so nearly as debilitating as our childlike fears felt. And, we know what to do to address them. Yes, a few tears may flow. But, you give your partner the space and perspective to address them. I believe this is called trust. Vulnerable - with boundaries - the goal.

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