| Working on being more self aware as to my motivations, behaviors, thought patterns, reactions to others...one thing that I have realized about myself is that I have always, even as a child, aspired to achieve more. Just because this is "the way it's always been" doesn't mean I'm going to accept that for myself unchallenged. I'm a classic overachiever. I set high expectations for myself and put a lot of pressure on myself to achieve them. If someone tells me something can't be done, I immediately go into "oh yeah? I'll show you" mode. I don't mean in the sense of defying authority or moral/ethical standards. Just in achieving things that seem difficult or impossible. I want better in life than just what's easily attainable. I want to learn more, understand more, go places, experience things, broaden my horizons. I pay attention to my physical appearance always...now I'm not married to my bathroom mirror, and I don't spend hours getting ready to go every day. But I'm mindful of how I dress and I want to look put together...I don't spend a lot of money on clothes, I just always try to dress tastefully. I think that if you dress like a slob, people will treat you accordingly...if you dress like you respect your body and care about your appearance, people will also treat you accordingly. My H and I were recently at Walmart...I'm sorry but I HATE that store. There's something about the atmosphere that just gets under my skin. I was saying something to that effect to my H, and he said "well, we ought to shop here more...we're poor like a lot of people who shop here" and he said I was being "uppity" about it. Now...first of all, we aren't poor. We're not rich by any means, but we do ok and have no debt except for one car payment. Second, we have been quite poor in the past, where I wasn't sure how much groceries we'd be able to buy from week to week. I've been there, I sympathize, and I don't look down on "poor people". My H lives in the mindset that we are poor, and therefore it's selfish and unrealistic to try to have a better life than what we have. He says it's called being realistic. He's content to live with making the best with what life hands you...I want to reach out for what I want before I have no other choice but to accept what life hands me. Because I don't like living in this trailer for a lot of reasons, my H thinks I'm being "uppity" and unrealistic about having a nicer home. I'd like to travel more and see new things...my H thinks traveling is for "rich people" which we are not, so there's no point in dreaming of traveling. I like to meet people and learn about them, what they do for work, what they do for fun, just basic stuff about their family life, etc. Whenever we meet someone who is more well-to-do, has traveled a lot, has a high ranking job, my H has nothing but derogatory remarks to make about them when we are alone. He hates "uppity" people. "Uppity" to him is anyon e who likes finer things in life and lives well. Recently at the grocery store a nice looking young man near us picked up a bag of baked potato chips. When he walked away, my H started mocking him saying he was one of those uppity metrosexual guys who couldn't possibly eat "real" potato chips because they're "so unhealthy" he says in a mocking voice. It really annoyed me. This is a major misunderstanding between us. He thinks my aspiring for better things = I'm not happy with what he has helped to provide for me and that nothing is ever good enough. I work full time and I'm willing to work hard to achieve any goal I have, so it's not like I'm sitting back like a princess demanding him to give give give. I am finding our differences in current lifestyle vs desired lifestyle to be more and more incompatible. To my H, our current lifestyle is good enough. To me, I want better, if better is reasonably attainable. Am I being "uppity" as he says? Unrealistic? Egotistical? | |||
| | |||
| | |||
|
No comments:
Post a Comment