Questioning R

I had my breaking point. My Zen moment, the point where indifference sets in. I won't go into my story as I have posted it already. Instead I will tell you this. My wife ( after coming home at 430am) decides to go out with her friend(s). Normally she will sleep while kids are in school and that is what I thought she was going to do. I ask her to pay the mortgage while she wakes up. She forgets of course (not that big a deal since my mother is owner of property til we pay it off) The problem was, she usually will text me if she is doing anything during that time while I am at work. So Around 3pm I send her a text. Around 4pm I call her only to learn that her phone is off. I call my son who she normally picks up only to find he has been trying to call. This has been an issue before, us being unable to get in touch with her. I begin to panic and think of all the signs of her having an affair, remembering the first few times when we went thru this, the fights over it,etc... Then it hits me. Right out of the blue. I DON'T CARE. I don't care where she is, who she is with, what she is doing. I ask my mother who lives a block away to check my house for a note before my son walks home. A note telling me she found someone else. I expected it and did not want him to be the first one to see it. I actually begin to hope for the note even though I know the storm my kids will go thru. I WANT the note! Needless to say there was no note. She had an excuse, she always does. Something has changed inside me though. If we did not have kids, I can honestly say I would not want to reconcile. I am ok with her having an affair because she will either fall deeply in love and want out or I will find out and kick her out. I am so at peace with that but now I feel frustrated that she is still here. Has anyone gone thru this?

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