I'm a creep

I used to be a very independent guy, whom found a great sense of solitude in doing everything himself. I didn't care very much about making friends, and I sure as heck didn't care about having a girlfriend. Approximately this time last year, I feel in love with a very confused girl whom enticed me with a fake personality (she pretended to be my 'soul mate' of all things) and I was vulnerable enough to believe her at the time. It wasn't long until things ended in a very devastating manner (for me at least, she was very happy with her decision) and now I can't stand being alone. Every time I walk alone (for a long duration), eat alone, study alone (etc.) I feel very lonely/depressed. Considering that I'm pound for pound an introvert, that's very worrying to say the least. I guess I feel in love with 'being in love'. Through the fake relationship, I learned that I enjoy giving presents much, much more than I enjoy receiving them (when my heart is fully in it). I didn't use to think that I was capable of falling in love, but I did. I definitely no longer love the girl, now that I know her true colours, but the experience still affects me very negatively. Now I want a REAL girlfriend, but I don't see that happening. I'm not lacking in the looks department, but I can't seem to connect with girls, especially the girls at my university. I'm not an overtly shy guy either; I can definitely hold a good conversation with a girl if genuinely wants to talk to me. My previous attitude regarding platonic and romantic relationships stemmed out of growing up alone, so I knew nothing else (and it was like a "defense mechanism" for me, in order to help me not go completely insane). That fake relationship dissolved the oblivion that I used to be in, but in the worst way possible. I'm now fully aware of the very big difference, in life experiences, between me and 99% of the people I'm regularly surrounded to, at uni. I once considered dropping out this year, because I find it VERY hard to focus; lack energy; and there's always a period, everyday, that I feel extremely down and depressed. No doubt my new found 'enlightenment' is the reason for all of this. I have tried to get to know girls, but my desperation and insecurities always got in the way. I pretty sure almost all of them found me creepy in some way or another, despite my best attempts of making sure I don't appear as such. Even a girl, whom I thought was (deep down) really nice - a girl whom I wanted to know more deeply - is now avoiding me. I don't know anymore. I give up. I wanted to vent this out.

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