| So, this is a follow up to my earlier post: "My Wife's Favorite Position: Corpse." Many thanks to all the posters who suggested ways of improving the situation. The discussion helped, as did reading some of the Male Alpha/Beta stuff. I took bits and pieces, and was they say on the idol reality shows, made it my own. Things got much better, and then they weren't. I need the help of some of the women posters. Read to bottom please. A little history. I'm 66 and my lady is 56. We've been married for four years, and dating/together for 8. I'm a retired CEO and she's a professional in a highly technical field and is out of the country for two weeks of each month. Sometimes I accompany her, but she works in a secure area so I'm a sightseer during the day and we hang out with her colleagues in a pub in the evenings. Second marriage for me and third for her. We're both HWP and in good shape. Since she's gone, I'm Mr. Domesticity and take care of things around the house--inside and outside. (I do have investments to manage as well as a small side business and I write.) We split cooking when she's home b/c we both like to cook. The "Corpse Problem" had been that she wasn't responsive. I'm mean, not even duty sex responsive. Just something one shade better than room temperature necrophilia. This was a change from the earlier days of our relationship when despite our ages, we'd be knocking boots two times a night three nights a week while she was home. I've always had a high libido. However, she never liked oral sex...declined it for herself ("icky") and would if coaxed, "pleasure" me but without any passion. Then came the menopause and things didn't pause, they turned off. She'd go to bed early and when I came to bed, play possum. Other times, I'd go to bed at the usual time and she'd stay up. I'd cuddle and she'd say she was tired. I'd roll over. Get resentful. Pout. So what changed? I changed. Somewhere along the line, I read: "Change your behavior and your attitude will change." This time when she came home--at midnight after a 20-hour flight-- instead of just recognizing that she was tired after a long flight and tucking her in after a few smooches, I cuddled her up, wrapped around her and told her the truth, that she was the most important thing in my life, that I loved her and that in the morning she was going to get ravaged. She fell asleep in my arms and I fell asleep holding her. Usually I'm an early bird and start fidgeting around 6, get up, feed the dogs and let them out, read the paper have coffee, etc. This time, I stayed in bed until 7:30 got up started the shower and pulled her out of bed grumbling. Into the shower we went and I washed her, rubbed her back and started foreplay. I reminded her that I'd told her she was going to get ravaged in the morning, and it was morning. Dried off and I pulled her into bed. When she lapsed into corpse position, I switched and pulled her on top so she had to participate. No oral sex, but we had a good time and we were smiling all day long. Here's the deal: I'd gotten locked into a loop of circular thinking where the default position was that she should want to do X. If she didn't do X, then that meant she actively didn't want to do X. Since she had to KNOW that I wanted her to do X, when she didn't, she was rejecting me. More complicated than that, but you get the idea. Rather than have The Talk, I just started showing her and taking control all in a loving way. I stopped doing some things that might be characterized "butler duties"--putting stuff away and normally we split laundry, but I left that for her. Ordinarily, I'd schlep her stuff out to the car. Now, I'll open the door, but she can carry her own stuff. Hiring a cleaning crew to get the place shaped up before she comes home next time, rather than cleaning the place myself. Result: We worked our way up and by the end of her stay at home were mixing up making love and just plain f**king....8 times in two weeks was more like the old days. And, wonder of wonders, a BJ delivered with something other than grudging acquiescence. Best, I truly believe I'm meeting her needs. She just didn't know she had them. So, I've got plans for the upcoming home stay, but the problem is, and I need the help of some of the women. Yeast infection happened at the end of the last stay. So, no sending her off with a bang. Need some practical info about yeast infections--beyond what Google can offer. She just got some OTC stuff. Yes, we had been using lube...could that be a cause? We phone nightly while she's away, but so far the topic of yeast infection has not been raised. Should I raise it? Thanks for reading. Thanks for the help. | |||
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