| Hello everyone, I am new here and I really need opinions from people who are having or had a similar situation.. I am a 30 years old married man and my wife is 30 years old aswell. We got married 5 years ago and have no kids. from the moment I met my wife I new she was a very special person in all aspects.. Before I met my wife I had different partners but couldnt find a stable relationship with non of them untill I met my wife. I was happy to finally find a person whom I can trust, count on, respectful, sweet, honest, responsible etc.. which made me feel very lucky to have met her.... BUT I also knew that she was very different than all women I met because she is a perfectionist, has a very low self-esteem, insecure and has almost no libido.. The first 8 months of our relation were OK regarding sex..But after almost 1 year I started to feel as if I was sharing an appartment with a fi¡riend rather than having a normal relationship with my wife.. We always had a great relationship, full of respect, understanding, we go out, have fun, we care for eachother, attentive, go on holiday, I help her 100% with the householding tasks..etc EXCEPT that Sex was less and less and she used to be tired all the time.. I was always open to her so I talked to her about the situation trying to understand why? At that point she told me that she had 5 years therapy before she met me.. All that therapy was to improve her self-esteem, insecurity and to make her appreciate herself as a woman..Apart from that she told me that she has a low libido and that she almost never thinks about sexl.. She also added that her self insecure makes her doubt about her body, image etc.. After hearing that I was really more open and tried to put myself in her shoes and gave her all support as a good husband.. Things got worse and I came to the point that I missed something in my relation.. I started to feel that there was a barrier around her, I didnt know how to reach her and I felt frustrated all the time because of her low libido.. At that point I decided to stop with the relation (we were together almost 2 years).. The moment I talked to her about stopping the relation she was devastated and begged me to give it another chance.. A horrible month passed and I didnt know what tro do, I prayed god for hope and we decided to go on holiday to breng a change into the relation.. During the holiday we had more sex and I felt better and decided not to step out of the relation and give it a chance.. A couple of months passed and things came back to how they were.. A perfect, great, loving wife in all aspects but no sex in the relation.. She started therapy again, and I tried to do everything to bring her in the mood (clean the house in details so she wouldnt have something in her mind since she's a perfectionist, romantic dinners, be attentive and supportive ..ect) but that all didnt bring a big change to the situation.. 4 years passed and this became the big issue in our relation, we have a wonderful relation except for the sex..UNTIL one day we were out together and I suddenly noticed that I was looking at other women with a real sexual desire.. I was shocked to feel that and immediately talked to my wife about it..I explained that the gap in our relation makes me feel that I really miss something which I am desiring to have somewhere else and that we really should do something about it cause its not normal how I feel about other women.. We went to the doctor and had her hormons checked.. Everything was fine with her hormons and the reason is only mental: perfectionisme, no self-esteem..etc I didnt know what to do anymore so I suggetsed to introduce sex films, toys etc anything which she would preffer.. It worked for 2 days and the story went on... After being together for 5 years I met a girl at a language course and from the moment I saw her there was a BANG.. there was a click from the first moment.. To make the story short, after 3 months having contact with the new one, my wife discovered it by seeing a text message from her and she was devastated and very sad.. I told her that I really didnt mean to hurt her buit I was so lost in our relation and couldnt controle my self.. She understood somehow the situation and I decided to stop having contact with the other one.. We decided to go for a couple therapy in order to save our marriage.. Now one year later (6 years together ) but I couldnt stopt having relation with my other woman.. I have really a great relation with the other one and sex with her is just GREAT.. Though I just cant decide to stop my marriage.. I just dont have the strenght to do it.. My wife is my best friend, wife, co-worker and I just cant imagine not having her in my life... At this moment I feel devastated because I cant be 100% with my wife (always thinking about the other one) and cant be with the other one either (the guilt is killing me)... Any advice? Thanks a lot | |||
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