| Many say from experience that when you get back together with you husband/wife., you can either have: 1. a marriage that becomes worse than before, or 2. a better marriage then you had before. It has been months since my last post here at TAM. I've had to go deeper og really think about what I wanted. Did I want my marriage back? Yes. Still after his EA? Yes. The main question was...COULD I FORGIVE HIM? That was the most difficult part for me., as for many others going throug the same thing. I had to use these months to really find out if I could. I read many self help books, I prayed alot too and talked to others I knew had same experiences. I prayed that God could give me the answer and I asked God to search my heart too, so if there is something in me that needed change, He would show me. After some time, I decided to forgive and I told myself that once I forgive, I have to put it all behind me and let go of my anger, resentment and bitterness. I chose to forgive based on many things. One of them is beacause we still loved eachother. The other was his behavior. How remorseful and shameful he was. That I saw the fear in his eyes when he thought I was moving on with my life. Today is almost 3 months since we've reconciled. We are still taking babysteps and are careful, but we are more happy, motivated to making our marriage work.We are communicating more as days goes by. There is more peace and understanding between us. I have a childhood friend who has been through the same thing.I didnt know about it until a few months ago. She and H had problems with marriage for some years, they have 2 children together, H had a EA, Seperated, She had an EA, then divorce. They went through 2 - 3 years of, pain and heartache, bitter fighting, resentment, anger, depression and all that comes with when these things accur. But after they divorced, they realized how much they meant to eachother and after some time, they decided to forgive eachother. They've been married for 15 years all together. She told me...eventhough all the pain and heartache, she said it was all worth it, beacause she and H have a MUCH better marriage today than ever before. She said that the love they have for eachother now and happiness in their marriage now was NEVER present before..not in the same way as now. Her advice to me is that; Once you decide to forgive, you have to forgive completely and let go completely. Put all that was behind you and start fresh. If not...the relationship will become worse than ever before. Many say that in life; you have to have trials, sometimes hit rock bottom and sometimes bad things have to happen in order to realize what you already have. In order to see the mistakes you've made in life and changes you need to do. I want to thank people here at TAM for so many good advice and help:) I want to say to all of you going through the pain of seperation/divorce/AP/EA : If you know that the love is still there and want R...dont give up. Eventhough it becomes so hard at times. Pray and have patience. It takes time. It will not just happen over night. It takes work on both sides. It will happen, you just have to decide how much you and your partner are willing to work for it.. End of story | |||
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