I have been happily married to my wife for 7 years now (we are both 32 years old, with 2 kids aged 7 and 5). A few years ago, my wife and one of her male co-worker started hanging out more frequently (he would pick her up and bring her to lunch regularly, text her constantly and occasionally hang out outside of work, making an effort to meet her whenever she was going out with friends or work). This continued after he changed jobs. I never though any more of it, as he also had a wife and kid of his own. One weekend, he texted my wife to ask her to go get a beer with him that night. That made me really uncomfortable (I'm not usually the jealous type). I asked her if the guy had a thing for her, and she told me she was pretty sure he didn't. She then showed me (voluntarily) her past conversations with him, and it became fairly clear (at least in my point of view) that he wanted to be more than just friends (calling her "beautiful" all the time, stati ng that he was missing her, complaining about his own wife, etc), even though my wife was still insisting that he only wanted to be friends...
Now I know my wife would never let it evolve to anything more (she loves me, and we have always been open and had respect for each other). But I asked her if she could stop going on what they called their lunch dates and to make sure to let him know that she wasn't interested in making their relationship go further (might not have been the proper way to handle the situation). She got a bit upset (she felt I was trying to take away one of her good friends), and decided to simply stop talking to him. I told her I didn't mind that she talked to him, but to simply not be as "close" with him.
Flash-forward to these days; she has since started talking to him again (but no longer going on lunch dates). She did tell him that she only wanted to be friends, and he replied that he was indeed trying to pick her up and that he was sorry as he believed she was willing to have an affair. He said he was ok with being "just friends". A couple of weeks ago, my wife went out to an event with a few of her girl friends. After the event they all went to her friend's house, where a bunch of them went to a bar afterwards (my wife stayed behind as she didn't feel good). He texted her to tell her he was waiting for her to get there and asked why she didn't go. This made me uncomfortable (again), as he still wants to hang out with her (he never hangs out with her when I'm there, only when I'm not) and I talked to her about it. This time she got really upset, as she doesn't see it the same way as I do, that there are no problems because she would never let anything develop or get further than being just friends. She again felt I was trying to get rid of her good friend, one of the "very few that are there for her, that can offer a shoulder to cry on".
Am I reacting properly to the situation? Is there any way we should/could handle it better? I don't want to be the type of husband that controls his wife, but at the same time I'm having a really hard time accepting the situation.
Now I know my wife would never let it evolve to anything more (she loves me, and we have always been open and had respect for each other). But I asked her if she could stop going on what they called their lunch dates and to make sure to let him know that she wasn't interested in making their relationship go further (might not have been the proper way to handle the situation). She got a bit upset (she felt I was trying to take away one of her good friends), and decided to simply stop talking to him. I told her I didn't mind that she talked to him, but to simply not be as "close" with him.
Flash-forward to these days; she has since started talking to him again (but no longer going on lunch dates). She did tell him that she only wanted to be friends, and he replied that he was indeed trying to pick her up and that he was sorry as he believed she was willing to have an affair. He said he was ok with being "just friends". A couple of weeks ago, my wife went out to an event with a few of her girl friends. After the event they all went to her friend's house, where a bunch of them went to a bar afterwards (my wife stayed behind as she didn't feel good). He texted her to tell her he was waiting for her to get there and asked why she didn't go. This made me uncomfortable (again), as he still wants to hang out with her (he never hangs out with her when I'm there, only when I'm not) and I talked to her about it. This time she got really upset, as she doesn't see it the same way as I do, that there are no problems because she would never let anything develop or get further than being just friends. She again felt I was trying to get rid of her good friend, one of the "very few that are there for her, that can offer a shoulder to cry on".
Am I reacting properly to the situation? Is there any way we should/could handle it better? I don't want to be the type of husband that controls his wife, but at the same time I'm having a really hard time accepting the situation.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment