Hay guys. Long time lurker here and now I've run into an issue of my own I need help with.
I'm a guy, and one of best friends is a girl. We've been through a lot together, but we've never dated and never will due to a few massive deal breakers. We live in different cities but talk to each other frequently over text, and I only see her about once every two months when I go to her city (my parents live there and we hang out while I'm in town).
Recently she started dating someone, and I am thrilled for her. I am rooting for her success, and I've helped her as much as I could from a "guy best friend" perspective. He's a very nice guy, but he is very insecure and jealous (due to his ex-wife cheating on him). Out of respect for the relationship I offered to take a step back by reducing the amount of texting and not hanging out with her anymore when I'm in town.
Recently I've found out that he had actually given her an ultimatum a few weeks back, that she must stop being friends with me period or he'll leave her. This has appalled me, because apparently she told him that we are no longer friends and yet has been texting me as if nothing has happened. She tells me that she doesn't want to give up the friendship, and she asked me to continue being her friend while she tries to "change his mind".
Obviously, I know that if this continues it's going to end badly. I've told her that I refuse to engage in a secret relationship with her, and that she really needs to figure out what she wants, because right now it's not fair to either of us, but she keeps dodging the issue. I think I should just walk away from the whole situation, but it feels like I am abandoning her. Any help?
EDIT: To clarify, she was up front about being best friends with me when they first started dating, and he said he was okay with that. A few weeks ago he was snooping through her phone and read some of our conversation. Nothing bad - we were just chatting about random stuff, certainly nothing about the relationship or anything - and that's when he decided she must cut me out of her life.
I'm a guy, and one of best friends is a girl. We've been through a lot together, but we've never dated and never will due to a few massive deal breakers. We live in different cities but talk to each other frequently over text, and I only see her about once every two months when I go to her city (my parents live there and we hang out while I'm in town).
Recently she started dating someone, and I am thrilled for her. I am rooting for her success, and I've helped her as much as I could from a "guy best friend" perspective. He's a very nice guy, but he is very insecure and jealous (due to his ex-wife cheating on him). Out of respect for the relationship I offered to take a step back by reducing the amount of texting and not hanging out with her anymore when I'm in town.
Recently I've found out that he had actually given her an ultimatum a few weeks back, that she must stop being friends with me period or he'll leave her. This has appalled me, because apparently she told him that we are no longer friends and yet has been texting me as if nothing has happened. She tells me that she doesn't want to give up the friendship, and she asked me to continue being her friend while she tries to "change his mind".
Obviously, I know that if this continues it's going to end badly. I've told her that I refuse to engage in a secret relationship with her, and that she really needs to figure out what she wants, because right now it's not fair to either of us, but she keeps dodging the issue. I think I should just walk away from the whole situation, but it feels like I am abandoning her. Any help?
EDIT: To clarify, she was up front about being best friends with me when they first started dating, and he said he was okay with that. A few weeks ago he was snooping through her phone and read some of our conversation. Nothing bad - we were just chatting about random stuff, certainly nothing about the relationship or anything - and that's when he decided she must cut me out of her life.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment