After my wife left the house to go to her moms and told me she didn't love me (and not much else) I spiraled out of control. Really bad. But after talking to several people I decided to pick myself up and get on with my life. I made an appointment to see a counselor for MYSELF. I have lost 20lbs due to stress. Turned that into a positive by buying some new clothes. I called every friend I knew who had a divorce and just talked. I was amazed at what I learned. I sat down with a friend who is a legal aid and she downloaded my State's Legal Dissolution and Separation Papers. She explained the steps of going through a divorce and my options about getting a lawyer or filing myself. I can not afford a lawyer (nor can she). My Sons special needs have pushed us to near financial ruin. I need some time to do the paperwork myself. I think it will take about 2 weeks. I found local divorce support groups and plan to go to them next week. Found some special intere st groups too, thinking about those but might not be ready for them. Haven't gone to work and don't know if I can return because I'm still not focused but I have 30 days worth of vacation and my boss is cool with me taking the time. I have been working on the house. For too long I have left things I don't like about it nag me. My plan is to fix what I can fix. Get rid of crap that we have collected over 24 years and sell the damn thing.
For the most part I have ignored my wife. I HAVE to communicate with her about financial matters and the children. Just business, No talking, texts or letters about the marriage. If she wants this marriage to end that is on her and I cant control it. My problem now is she won't LEAVE. She keeps coming back to the house and hanging out. I figure she just wants to hang out with the kids. But She keeps inviting me to join them. Asking if I want her to bring food for me. Going to her garden picking vegetables and giving them to me. I will not stand in the way of her and the children (One is 17 the other 22 but has special needs). She is their Mom and I want them to have a healthy relationship with them. She is now staying at her moms which is about 45 miles away. She wanted the kids for the weekend so I agreed to even meet her half way to get them so she wouldn't come to the house. I did not try to engage her at all. As I was about to drive away when she motions me to roll down t he window and casually like nothing has happened says, "hey I'll call you tomorrow I would like to watch the soccer game." Ugh! My first reaction is that I will just run errands while she is here. Then I get angry that I'm letting her dictate my actions. It's MY Sunday and I wanted to hang out around the house. I can't let her push me out of the house. She left, she has to deal with the consequences of leaving. Her mom's house has 5 bedrooms. It is okay with me if the kids want to stay out there. It is summer and it is a really nice house.
I wanted to watch the game too! But I don't want to sit on the same damn couch with her! She wants space to, "think" that is fine but She won't give me space to move on. I will have to confront her about boundaries but not looking for the drama. don't want to tip my hand yet about the divorce papers. I need to find out some information on our finances because she has done them the whole marriage. Right now I am focusing on being able to rent a nice little house with my children so they can stay in their schools and be by my family.
For the most part I have ignored my wife. I HAVE to communicate with her about financial matters and the children. Just business, No talking, texts or letters about the marriage. If she wants this marriage to end that is on her and I cant control it. My problem now is she won't LEAVE. She keeps coming back to the house and hanging out. I figure she just wants to hang out with the kids. But She keeps inviting me to join them. Asking if I want her to bring food for me. Going to her garden picking vegetables and giving them to me. I will not stand in the way of her and the children (One is 17 the other 22 but has special needs). She is their Mom and I want them to have a healthy relationship with them. She is now staying at her moms which is about 45 miles away. She wanted the kids for the weekend so I agreed to even meet her half way to get them so she wouldn't come to the house. I did not try to engage her at all. As I was about to drive away when she motions me to roll down t he window and casually like nothing has happened says, "hey I'll call you tomorrow I would like to watch the soccer game." Ugh! My first reaction is that I will just run errands while she is here. Then I get angry that I'm letting her dictate my actions. It's MY Sunday and I wanted to hang out around the house. I can't let her push me out of the house. She left, she has to deal with the consequences of leaving. Her mom's house has 5 bedrooms. It is okay with me if the kids want to stay out there. It is summer and it is a really nice house.
I wanted to watch the game too! But I don't want to sit on the same damn couch with her! She wants space to, "think" that is fine but She won't give me space to move on. I will have to confront her about boundaries but not looking for the drama. don't want to tip my hand yet about the divorce papers. I need to find out some information on our finances because she has done them the whole marriage. Right now I am focusing on being able to rent a nice little house with my children so they can stay in their schools and be by my family.
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