This is my second time sharing. The first time was after I found out on dday February 22 2015, that the mother of my 2 daughters had been having an affair with a manager (not her manager) at work for at least the last 2 years. She'll only admit that it went on for about 20 months, it started after she went back to work after the death of our son, and because that's as far back that I can prove.
We've been together for about 7 years and have had our ups and downs just like any couple. We've also had our fare share of tragedy too. We lost our son 1 week before he was due a few years back. Then our very next child, who was born 1 year after losing our son, was sent to emergency room because of her babysitter.
I had a gut feeling as far back as 2010 that she was having PA but I could only find evidence of her having cyber affairs with strangers and sexting w/her ex, who lived 2 hours away only. After I caught her, she swore "that was all" she was doing. That there was no PA with anyone and that she would never do it again. But I always felt in the back of my mind that I missed something. That I missed evidence of a PA, but I messed up and told her how I found out. So she wised up.
Every so often she would act a little strange. She doesn't drive so I have to pick her up from work. So while waiting for her, her co workers would ask me how I put up with her and deal with her, w/o giving me specifics as to why they said that. All they would say is they heard things, but that's all. They wouldn't say what they heard or what they meant. So of course I would bring it up to her and not tell her who said it. She would always say the same thing... I don't know what they're talking about...
Since I work 12 hours a day and have 2 kids I don't have time to sit there and monitor every little thing she did. So I would just drop the subject and move on with our lives.
But every so often she would bring up this managers name a lot for no reason, so I would get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was going on between them. But it was always the same answer, "NO,Stop asking if we're having an affair "
Fast forward a few years when we have the service for our deceased son, he shows up. I thought it was odd but I was a mess and still had my wife and our oldest daughter to care for. And besides there were other fellow co workers from her job there too. But he just didn't fit in because he didn't hang out with those co workers or us.
When she went back to work after our son passed the OM'S name just kept coming out her mouth everyday. In every conversation she would mention the OM. Knowing we had just lost our son I tried not pick fights with her. But it didn't sit right with me that he was her shoulder to cry on, her sympathetic ear she could talk to. She wanted to get pregnant again immediately, but wouldn't really allow me to touch, hold or caress her. But still She got pregnant about 4 months after our son passed. But she wasn't as excited for this pregnancy as she was the previous. She seemed distant and cold. But I took it as her being nervous considering what our family had just gone thru. During the next year or so after we found out she was pregnant, up until 4 or months after our youngest daughter was born, we were only intimate maybe 2-3 times total.
When our youngest was only 6 months old, October 2014, she was hurt by her babysitter while we were both at work. When we got the phone call it shook us to our core. We rushed to the ER and we're asked multiple questions. And we're told CPS and LAW ENFORCEMENT were going to get involved and we were suspected of hurting our own daughter. So we went through that whole ordeal 18 months after our loss of our son. The babysitter admitted to it a week later, but the damage had been done. I ended up working longer hours in order to support our family while my wife took our youngest to 3-4 appointments a week. But there were 3 specific days a week that she wouldn't take off from work. No matter what.
I would ask her and tell her things, but she would always say there was no one to cover her at work or she had a big event she had to prepare for. So all appointments, plans, trips etc...had to be worked around these 3 specific days.
So in February 2015 I had had enough and did some investigation work and found out that she indeed had been having an PA w/the OM like I had thought. And those 3 specific days were the days that they worked together and had been doing there thing while on the clock.
It's been about 5 months since DD and we've done the whole CT and PT thing. We've had more physical relations in the last 5 months then we had in the last 3 years combined. We're communicating more etc... But when D-DAY came I asked a ton of questions. And got a lot of honest answers. I asked she had given him oral and she said yes(she supposedly really hated doing it before him, because I would have to beg)...I asked her if she swallowed and she said yes (she always said she supposedly had never done it before either. Because I begged for years and never had it done). I asked if she gave him her butt**** and she said NO. But in an unconvincing way. And I remember a few times when she came home and she complained of it hurt for no reason. I asked if she had given him oral and had sex with him on the day our daughter was rushed to the hospital and she didn't say anything. She just put her head down and cried, which I took as a YES.
And I just can't get over that. That even after our daughter was rushed to the hospital and has permanent injuries, she couldn't stop herself from seeing this guy. It took me finding out and confronting her to stop.i confronted the OM too and he just cried and swore they "only" did twice. The only thing that they both agreed on was that my wife put in all the work. He never put in one ounce of effort. He would just show up to work and get paid to have sex with my wife from time to time, if the mood hit her. She says she hated herself after every time but she was addicted to the hi she got from the affair. She swears she didn't enjoy it, that she hated herself, that she never orgasmed with him. She admitted to being the one who brought the subject up when it 1st started, she admitted to offering herself up to him for nothing. They both said that he would finish pull his pants and go back work. He never told thank you, never gave her compliments, never asked for it.
I think I'm done with my marriage because I can't deal with the fact that our baby was hurt and her "high" was more important to her than anything else. Also that she did things with the OM that she would never do with me. We're really working on our relationship, but I just don't no. Our marriage counselor, my private therapist and even my personal dr. (I had a nervous breakdown on dday) implore me to do everything possible to make it work. But I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to get a DNA test, I don't want to pay alimony and child support if we divorce.
I still love and find her attractive. But sometimes I look at her and hate her. I can't stand when she wants to argue about dumb things as if everything is ok. It's 50/50 right now we there I stay or go. I'm just at a loss. I know she hasn't had contact with the OM and I know she's sincere in her efforts to repair us. But it might be to late..
We've been together for about 7 years and have had our ups and downs just like any couple. We've also had our fare share of tragedy too. We lost our son 1 week before he was due a few years back. Then our very next child, who was born 1 year after losing our son, was sent to emergency room because of her babysitter.
I had a gut feeling as far back as 2010 that she was having PA but I could only find evidence of her having cyber affairs with strangers and sexting w/her ex, who lived 2 hours away only. After I caught her, she swore "that was all" she was doing. That there was no PA with anyone and that she would never do it again. But I always felt in the back of my mind that I missed something. That I missed evidence of a PA, but I messed up and told her how I found out. So she wised up.
Every so often she would act a little strange. She doesn't drive so I have to pick her up from work. So while waiting for her, her co workers would ask me how I put up with her and deal with her, w/o giving me specifics as to why they said that. All they would say is they heard things, but that's all. They wouldn't say what they heard or what they meant. So of course I would bring it up to her and not tell her who said it. She would always say the same thing... I don't know what they're talking about...
Since I work 12 hours a day and have 2 kids I don't have time to sit there and monitor every little thing she did. So I would just drop the subject and move on with our lives.
But every so often she would bring up this managers name a lot for no reason, so I would get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was going on between them. But it was always the same answer, "NO,Stop asking if we're having an affair "
Fast forward a few years when we have the service for our deceased son, he shows up. I thought it was odd but I was a mess and still had my wife and our oldest daughter to care for. And besides there were other fellow co workers from her job there too. But he just didn't fit in because he didn't hang out with those co workers or us.
When she went back to work after our son passed the OM'S name just kept coming out her mouth everyday. In every conversation she would mention the OM. Knowing we had just lost our son I tried not pick fights with her. But it didn't sit right with me that he was her shoulder to cry on, her sympathetic ear she could talk to. She wanted to get pregnant again immediately, but wouldn't really allow me to touch, hold or caress her. But still She got pregnant about 4 months after our son passed. But she wasn't as excited for this pregnancy as she was the previous. She seemed distant and cold. But I took it as her being nervous considering what our family had just gone thru. During the next year or so after we found out she was pregnant, up until 4 or months after our youngest daughter was born, we were only intimate maybe 2-3 times total.
When our youngest was only 6 months old, October 2014, she was hurt by her babysitter while we were both at work. When we got the phone call it shook us to our core. We rushed to the ER and we're asked multiple questions. And we're told CPS and LAW ENFORCEMENT were going to get involved and we were suspected of hurting our own daughter. So we went through that whole ordeal 18 months after our loss of our son. The babysitter admitted to it a week later, but the damage had been done. I ended up working longer hours in order to support our family while my wife took our youngest to 3-4 appointments a week. But there were 3 specific days a week that she wouldn't take off from work. No matter what.
I would ask her and tell her things, but she would always say there was no one to cover her at work or she had a big event she had to prepare for. So all appointments, plans, trips etc...had to be worked around these 3 specific days.
So in February 2015 I had had enough and did some investigation work and found out that she indeed had been having an PA w/the OM like I had thought. And those 3 specific days were the days that they worked together and had been doing there thing while on the clock.
It's been about 5 months since DD and we've done the whole CT and PT thing. We've had more physical relations in the last 5 months then we had in the last 3 years combined. We're communicating more etc... But when D-DAY came I asked a ton of questions. And got a lot of honest answers. I asked she had given him oral and she said yes(she supposedly really hated doing it before him, because I would have to beg)...I asked her if she swallowed and she said yes (she always said she supposedly had never done it before either. Because I begged for years and never had it done). I asked if she gave him her butt**** and she said NO. But in an unconvincing way. And I remember a few times when she came home and she complained of it hurt for no reason. I asked if she had given him oral and had sex with him on the day our daughter was rushed to the hospital and she didn't say anything. She just put her head down and cried, which I took as a YES.
And I just can't get over that. That even after our daughter was rushed to the hospital and has permanent injuries, she couldn't stop herself from seeing this guy. It took me finding out and confronting her to stop.i confronted the OM too and he just cried and swore they "only" did twice. The only thing that they both agreed on was that my wife put in all the work. He never put in one ounce of effort. He would just show up to work and get paid to have sex with my wife from time to time, if the mood hit her. She says she hated herself after every time but she was addicted to the hi she got from the affair. She swears she didn't enjoy it, that she hated herself, that she never orgasmed with him. She admitted to being the one who brought the subject up when it 1st started, she admitted to offering herself up to him for nothing. They both said that he would finish pull his pants and go back work. He never told thank you, never gave her compliments, never asked for it.
I think I'm done with my marriage because I can't deal with the fact that our baby was hurt and her "high" was more important to her than anything else. Also that she did things with the OM that she would never do with me. We're really working on our relationship, but I just don't no. Our marriage counselor, my private therapist and even my personal dr. (I had a nervous breakdown on dday) implore me to do everything possible to make it work. But I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to get a DNA test, I don't want to pay alimony and child support if we divorce.
I still love and find her attractive. But sometimes I look at her and hate her. I can't stand when she wants to argue about dumb things as if everything is ok. It's 50/50 right now we there I stay or go. I'm just at a loss. I know she hasn't had contact with the OM and I know she's sincere in her efforts to repair us. But it might be to late..
Put the internet to work for you.
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