Where do I start? Warning, this post is long. My marriage started spinning out-of-control about 18 months ago when my son was first diagnosed with autism, and then a few months later leukemia. Just a few weeks prior to that, my teenage stepson who has severe emotional problems and is bipolar came to live with us permanently. My husband could not handle our sons diagnosis of leukemia. To add to the sadness and misery, he almost died about four weeks into active treatment and had to have an emergency tracheostomy.
The stress in our home is off the charts. We have nurses in our home to help take care of our son 16 hours a day and very little privacy. Just dealing with the leukemia itself is exhausting. My teenage stepsons emotional problems have escalated. I noticed about three months ago that my husband was pulling away emotionally, was very distant and didn't seem to want to communicate with me at all. I noticed on our cellular phone bill a phone number over and over again. When I did investigating I realized it belonged to a female coworker. I pretty much freaked out, and insisted he stop this. We ended up in a huge fight and agreed we needed to get in counseling. The counseling really didn't help, if anything things between us got worse. He actually went to a hotel for one weekend with my stepson to think things through. When he came back he seemed much better, had an entire list of things that he wanted to work on and told me he wasn't going to have any contact with the coworker. H e never really did follow through with any of the changes, and he still seemed emotionally distant. I started noticing that he was very secretive with the cell phone, going to the bathroom for extended periods of time, and taking it to bed with him. He flatly refused to let me see the phone if I were to ask. My gut told me something was up. Sometime later, after a particularly stressful weekend, he laid on me that he was no longer in love with me, and he thinks he may never have been. I was beyond devastated. Then within a matter of 24 hours, he claims he wants to work on our marriage and he was just upset after the weekend. Fast forward to this past weekend. He left the phone unguarded and I knew the pass code. So I looked. And there was the secret email account, and the emails going back-and-forth between the two of them. There was nothing overtly sexual, but vaguely intimate and it made me very uncomfortable. She called him her bestie, said that he was on her mind, and th at she hopes he has sweet dreams along with cute little hearts and flowers. What was really hurtful was he had told me the next day he had to go into work when in fact he wanted to see her for lunch. He hadn't seen his children all week because he works second shift and he was leaving our family to go be with her. I believe that this woman is married also. Things got very ugly very quickly. I demanded he stop this insanity and never have anything to do with her again. He got so angry he started screaming at me and was in my face calling me horrible names and before I knew it I hit him with a shopping bag that I was holding. I just wanted him to stop screaming and being verbally abusive. Bad move on my part, the bag had small vials of make up and I made contact with the side of his head. He called 911 and had me charged with harassment. There was no excuse for what I did but he has been screaming at me like that for years and this time I just couldn't take anymore. So now I'm looking at a hearing and he has moved out temporarily to a hotel with my 15-year-old stepson. He is not communicating with me at all although I'm sure he is talking with his "friend". That's what he is claiming, that they are only "friends". Apparently this woman has a daughter who has a pretty serious illness also so they have a common bond. But if everything is so innocent, why is it done with deceit, behind my back. I don't know what to do at this point. I want my family intact especially for my son. The last thing he needs in his life now with everything he's going through is this. He still has two more years of active cancer treatment. My husband did say he is going to ask them to drop the charges, because he realizes I am under a huge amount of stress. I am the primary caregiver to these two children, I don't work outside the home, have no car of my own so I can never leave the house. He works second shift and is gone from 1 PM to midnight. I know life in our home is pretty miserable at times, and I'm sure this other woman is an outlet for him. I want my family together, but I don't know where his head is at. What should I do? Will the 180 even help at this point? I have never been so low in my life. I feel like my entire world has come crashing down.
The stress in our home is off the charts. We have nurses in our home to help take care of our son 16 hours a day and very little privacy. Just dealing with the leukemia itself is exhausting. My teenage stepsons emotional problems have escalated. I noticed about three months ago that my husband was pulling away emotionally, was very distant and didn't seem to want to communicate with me at all. I noticed on our cellular phone bill a phone number over and over again. When I did investigating I realized it belonged to a female coworker. I pretty much freaked out, and insisted he stop this. We ended up in a huge fight and agreed we needed to get in counseling. The counseling really didn't help, if anything things between us got worse. He actually went to a hotel for one weekend with my stepson to think things through. When he came back he seemed much better, had an entire list of things that he wanted to work on and told me he wasn't going to have any contact with the coworker. H e never really did follow through with any of the changes, and he still seemed emotionally distant. I started noticing that he was very secretive with the cell phone, going to the bathroom for extended periods of time, and taking it to bed with him. He flatly refused to let me see the phone if I were to ask. My gut told me something was up. Sometime later, after a particularly stressful weekend, he laid on me that he was no longer in love with me, and he thinks he may never have been. I was beyond devastated. Then within a matter of 24 hours, he claims he wants to work on our marriage and he was just upset after the weekend. Fast forward to this past weekend. He left the phone unguarded and I knew the pass code. So I looked. And there was the secret email account, and the emails going back-and-forth between the two of them. There was nothing overtly sexual, but vaguely intimate and it made me very uncomfortable. She called him her bestie, said that he was on her mind, and th at she hopes he has sweet dreams along with cute little hearts and flowers. What was really hurtful was he had told me the next day he had to go into work when in fact he wanted to see her for lunch. He hadn't seen his children all week because he works second shift and he was leaving our family to go be with her. I believe that this woman is married also. Things got very ugly very quickly. I demanded he stop this insanity and never have anything to do with her again. He got so angry he started screaming at me and was in my face calling me horrible names and before I knew it I hit him with a shopping bag that I was holding. I just wanted him to stop screaming and being verbally abusive. Bad move on my part, the bag had small vials of make up and I made contact with the side of his head. He called 911 and had me charged with harassment. There was no excuse for what I did but he has been screaming at me like that for years and this time I just couldn't take anymore. So now I'm looking at a hearing and he has moved out temporarily to a hotel with my 15-year-old stepson. He is not communicating with me at all although I'm sure he is talking with his "friend". That's what he is claiming, that they are only "friends". Apparently this woman has a daughter who has a pretty serious illness also so they have a common bond. But if everything is so innocent, why is it done with deceit, behind my back. I don't know what to do at this point. I want my family intact especially for my son. The last thing he needs in his life now with everything he's going through is this. He still has two more years of active cancer treatment. My husband did say he is going to ask them to drop the charges, because he realizes I am under a huge amount of stress. I am the primary caregiver to these two children, I don't work outside the home, have no car of my own so I can never leave the house. He works second shift and is gone from 1 PM to midnight. I know life in our home is pretty miserable at times, and I'm sure this other woman is an outlet for him. I want my family together, but I don't know where his head is at. What should I do? Will the 180 even help at this point? I have never been so low in my life. I feel like my entire world has come crashing down.
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