Hello all,
Almost 7 years ago, I married the most wonderful human being I have ever had the privilege of knowing. It's an honor to be on the same planet with him.
Unfortunately, before we got married, I didn't really think about what last name I wanted to use. Actually, I didn't think about it at all. When it came time to sign the marriage certificate after the ceremony, I suddenly realized that I wanted to keep my given surname but I felt obligated to have my husband's surname as well, so in haste, I sort-of hyphenated it. When I got all of my legal documents changed, I realized that a hyphen did not work with the flow of my signature, so I took the hyphen out.
I thought I was ok with this arrangement until people (including very, very close friends who should know better) started calling me Ms. HisLastName. I found it profoundly irritating and I have never gotten used to being addressed by his last name. I usually don't even respond to people who call me Ms. HisLastName because it doesn't occur to me that I am the person they are addressing. I hear it because it is my husband's last name, but it feels like it doesn't apply to me. I'd prefer to be addressed as either Ms. GivenLastName or by both my given last name and his last name, it's really not that hard to say. So far, my husband, my parents, my sister, and my very best friend in the world are the only people who use the name I prefer, but my sister and my dad tease me about it (which really hurts my feelings).
I've tried a lot of tactics to get people, especially the people I am closest to and the people I work with to use the last name I selected or continue to use my given surname. It's not working. Every time I get an e-mail or paperwork addressed to Ms. HisLastName I feel like crying. I'm thinking about asking my wonderful husband, who I adore and want to spend the rest of my life with for a divorce so the world at large will go back to addressing me by my given last name. However, I'm afraid asking him this will hurt him and he might actually leave.
I'm not sure what to do. Any advice?
Almost 7 years ago, I married the most wonderful human being I have ever had the privilege of knowing. It's an honor to be on the same planet with him.
Unfortunately, before we got married, I didn't really think about what last name I wanted to use. Actually, I didn't think about it at all. When it came time to sign the marriage certificate after the ceremony, I suddenly realized that I wanted to keep my given surname but I felt obligated to have my husband's surname as well, so in haste, I sort-of hyphenated it. When I got all of my legal documents changed, I realized that a hyphen did not work with the flow of my signature, so I took the hyphen out.
I thought I was ok with this arrangement until people (including very, very close friends who should know better) started calling me Ms. HisLastName. I found it profoundly irritating and I have never gotten used to being addressed by his last name. I usually don't even respond to people who call me Ms. HisLastName because it doesn't occur to me that I am the person they are addressing. I hear it because it is my husband's last name, but it feels like it doesn't apply to me. I'd prefer to be addressed as either Ms. GivenLastName or by both my given last name and his last name, it's really not that hard to say. So far, my husband, my parents, my sister, and my very best friend in the world are the only people who use the name I prefer, but my sister and my dad tease me about it (which really hurts my feelings).
I've tried a lot of tactics to get people, especially the people I am closest to and the people I work with to use the last name I selected or continue to use my given surname. It's not working. Every time I get an e-mail or paperwork addressed to Ms. HisLastName I feel like crying. I'm thinking about asking my wonderful husband, who I adore and want to spend the rest of my life with for a divorce so the world at large will go back to addressing me by my given last name. However, I'm afraid asking him this will hurt him and he might actually leave.
I'm not sure what to do. Any advice?
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