I'm 31, male, and am in a relationship with a girl aged 24. We are looking to get some advice on our situation because we are both relatively inexperienced and would like to ask some people more experienced to help us out and possibly share some stories.
Here's what's going on:
We met online on a dating site in September and everything was very fun and interesting while we talked. We met in person exactly two months later in November and had a great time for a month or so, but the last few weeks have been very disheartening.
We are both quiet, shy, loner types with very passive personalities and no real social life outside of our families. Neither with much experience dating. If it wasn't for us both being on an online dating site we never would have met since we are both homebodies. At first, when we were just talking online everything was great. We talked about books we liked, shared stories of our families, talked about our odd little quirky moments we had, whatever it was it all seemed to feel natural and everything just clicked wonderfully.
After a quiet first meeting at the park, the next few meetings were wonderful. We just came to each others house and played games or watched movies. We really enjoyed being with each other. Just this last month or so has been a problem.
Since we are both very passive types, the kind of people who are usually the quiet person in a relationship just along for the ride, we are having a bit of trouble with neither of us taking the lead. We talked about this today and it's almost like we are both lost with what to do.
She told she wanted someone older than her and that she was more comfortable with the other person taking charge in the relationship. Since I'm the man, I felt I had to do this but I am very uncomfortable with this role. All of my life, at home with my mom, at school, at work, other relationships, wherever, I have been told what to do and when to do it so I have never really developed a free will of my own and don't have a strong personality to lead. I've always been accepting of everyone else's decisions, even in the few prior relationships I've had. I'd just go along with what they said or wanted and I'd grin and bear it even if I didn't want to.
Now my relationship with my girlfriend is suffering because of this. I've been told before that I'm a bit dull and boring, I try to be fun and make people laugh but don't seem to be very good at it. When I'm with her neither of us seem to be able to show our fun sense of humor. It just doesn't come out, we don't seem to be comfortable that way with each other. We mostly just have serious discussions or talk about out problems. Because we are both very passive there doesn't seem to be much of a "spark" between us, not any feelings of excitement or thrills. We have gone out quite a few times but we live in a small town and there isn't much to do in our area so we usually just go to stores and walk around or go out to eat. It's a strange feeling like everything on paper works so perfect for us but that just doesn't translate to real life.
She's an amazing person. Cute, intelligent, gentle, caring, warm, and trustworthy. I have nothing bad to say about her.
We seem to have just ran into a brick wall. We even joked today it's almost like we need a third person with an "alpha" personality to lead us and tell us what we are supposed to be doing.
Here's what's going on:
We met online on a dating site in September and everything was very fun and interesting while we talked. We met in person exactly two months later in November and had a great time for a month or so, but the last few weeks have been very disheartening.
We are both quiet, shy, loner types with very passive personalities and no real social life outside of our families. Neither with much experience dating. If it wasn't for us both being on an online dating site we never would have met since we are both homebodies. At first, when we were just talking online everything was great. We talked about books we liked, shared stories of our families, talked about our odd little quirky moments we had, whatever it was it all seemed to feel natural and everything just clicked wonderfully.
After a quiet first meeting at the park, the next few meetings were wonderful. We just came to each others house and played games or watched movies. We really enjoyed being with each other. Just this last month or so has been a problem.
Since we are both very passive types, the kind of people who are usually the quiet person in a relationship just along for the ride, we are having a bit of trouble with neither of us taking the lead. We talked about this today and it's almost like we are both lost with what to do.
She told she wanted someone older than her and that she was more comfortable with the other person taking charge in the relationship. Since I'm the man, I felt I had to do this but I am very uncomfortable with this role. All of my life, at home with my mom, at school, at work, other relationships, wherever, I have been told what to do and when to do it so I have never really developed a free will of my own and don't have a strong personality to lead. I've always been accepting of everyone else's decisions, even in the few prior relationships I've had. I'd just go along with what they said or wanted and I'd grin and bear it even if I didn't want to.
Now my relationship with my girlfriend is suffering because of this. I've been told before that I'm a bit dull and boring, I try to be fun and make people laugh but don't seem to be very good at it. When I'm with her neither of us seem to be able to show our fun sense of humor. It just doesn't come out, we don't seem to be comfortable that way with each other. We mostly just have serious discussions or talk about out problems. Because we are both very passive there doesn't seem to be much of a "spark" between us, not any feelings of excitement or thrills. We have gone out quite a few times but we live in a small town and there isn't much to do in our area so we usually just go to stores and walk around or go out to eat. It's a strange feeling like everything on paper works so perfect for us but that just doesn't translate to real life.
She's an amazing person. Cute, intelligent, gentle, caring, warm, and trustworthy. I have nothing bad to say about her.
We seem to have just ran into a brick wall. We even joked today it's almost like we need a third person with an "alpha" personality to lead us and tell us what we are supposed to be doing.
Put the internet to work for you.
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