Well, this turned out longer than I expected. I'm not really sure what I'm hoping to get from this. I guess I'm just writing to vent because telling strangers things makes me feel better. At least until I'm told off by said strangers for being an immature jerk.
My wife is a very dependable, responsible person. I am forgetful and procrastinate, but I do a fair amount around the house, besides being almost the sole source of income, of which I never bring up to her. While she loves my parents and siblings, she is often frustrated at them because they are never ready anywhere close to when they say they will be, such as for events they are hosting, never arrive when they say they will, and never do things when they say they will do them. I am a lot better at this than I used to be when I lived with them, most likely due to being with my wife.
If they are unreliable compared to my wife, my sister is unreliable compared to them. My sister has 1 car seat for her 2-year-old girl and her and her husband have 2 cars. Instead of buying a second car seat or switching it between cars, she just borrows friends' and family members' car seats for times when her husband has the car with their car seat. We have 2 extra ones because my wife babysits 2 boys during the week. On Thanksgiving she borrowed it.
A couple hours after I came home from work my wife told me that my sister still had the car seat and hadn't returned it yet. My wife had texted her at noon saying that she needed it back "ASAP" and my sister replied back right away saying she would bring it by this afternoon. My wife needed to go into town and had the boys she babysits. It was now 8 at night and she hadn't gotten any word from my sister.
She had typed another text and was wanting my input before she sent it. The text essentially said that it was way past afternoon and she hated to "be like this", but she can't lend the car seat to her anymore because she needs it to be available when she needs to use it. She told me that it was lucky that she didn't end up needing to go into town after all, but she was super frustrated and angry at my sister and stated how this is not the first or second time this has happened. She wanted to know if it was too harsh and after thinking about it, I said it wasn't. I'm horrible at this type of conflict, though.
After some more talking about it, she suddenly said, "I'm just going to send it" and did so. She then told me that if she called, I could talk to her. I reacted with, "What!?" I was being playful, though. She was too upset and didn't want to talk to her or she would say something she didn't really mean. Oh, I thought she just didn't want to deal with the bomb she set. I agreed to talk to her, but right then my sister texted with "Yeah... turns out the car seat was in [my husband]'s car at work. I'll bring it over now." I pointed out to my wife how my sister could have told her that sooner, could have went and gotten it, could have had me get it if I needed to, SOMETHING, but she wasn't wanting to talk about it anymore. She did add that it would most likely be half an hour to an hour before my sister would probably bring it by, even though she said "now".
At 9, my sister still hadn't shown up, nor texted or called. My wife said she told me so, then was getting in the shower and said she didn't want to deal with it anymore and asked if I would handle it. I said I would. "Just get me my car seat back." She gets too frustrated with something like this and doesn't want to even think about it anymore. She then gives it to me to handle and tries to get her mind off it. My wife usually takes really fast showers, and I knew she'd be going into our room afterward, so I was waiting until she did and if my sister hadn't shown up while she was in the shower, I would call after my wife was in the room so it could be handled without her around and having to hear it and think about it more.
Well, when my wife got out, she asked if my sister had shown up yet and I said she hadn't. She asked if I had called her yet and I said I was waiting for her to be in the room first. She got very upset at me, saying she can't depend on me and I'm no better than my sister is. She was very loud despite the kids sleeping in their room nearby, cussed at me, which she doesn't normally do, said she hates how I procrastinate all the time and how she can't depend on anyone to do anything. I was naturally defensive in the heat of the moment and said that she gave it to me to handle, so she should let me handle it. She disagreed and said she doesn't trust me to handle it and I should have called her right when she asked me to handle it. I said she didn't need the car seat until tomorrow, so as long as I got it tonight, it didn't matter when I did. She loudly disagreed, saying she wanted me to call her before she got out of the shower. I said I didn't know. She asked how I could possibl y not know that. I said she didn't say she wanted it right then, only that she wanted me to make sure she got it back tonight. (In hindsight, I can see how she related my sister's unreliability in not doing something when she said she would with my not doing it when she assumed I knew she wanted me to.) She yelled that I should know she wanted me to do it right then and that I just needed to get my ass up and do it. Then she stormed into the room and, because I was defensive for being verbally attacked over something I didn't do wrong on purpose and therefore didn't deserve, I said, "Not if you're going to talk to me like that." I knew it wasn't helpful to say, but I don't like when other people are allowed to act like that and I don't get to be at least a little immature. She said not to bother calling her because she was and slammed the door.
I heard her tell my sister that she was really pissed off at her, she waited for her all day and then waited another hour after her last text. She said how she paid money for that car seat and she really needed it and if she gets in an accident with those boys in the car and they aren't in their proper car seats, then she's going to be screwed. She then came out, looking and sounding exasperated, and pretty much repeated what she was saying before about how I was just as undependable as my sister was. I calmly stated that I wasn't being undependable in this case and she warned me not to talk and to just listen. Most of the time I'm the one doing most of the talking and she's always keeping everything to herself. She only insists on talking and me being quiet when she really means it.
I sat and looked her in the eye and kept quiet while she went off on me about how I'm just as bad as my sister, she can't depend on me, she wanted me to call her right away and not 2 hours later, because that is no better than my sister waiting 1 hour after saying she would be there right away. She said she had to call her when she was upset and said things she feels bad about saying because I didn't call her. She said she can't have a bunch of undependable people in her life and if I didn't change, she would be out of here. She stopped talking and just stared at me, most likely waiting for me to reply, but I didn't because she said not to say anything. She then said, "Okay!?" I waited a little because I had a lot of things to reply to the things she said, but decided it would be a waste of my breath at the moment, so I said, "Okay. That's all I can say." She went back and slammed the door and proclaimed that she was surrounded by idiots. I chuckled just now when I wrote that , but I didn't find it funny then.
She then proceeded to cry and call a couple people and cry to them and tell them things I couldn't make out, so I just sat and tried to get my head around the whole thing. I wanted to go in there but I knew she would just yell at me to get out. So I wrote her an email, which would show up on her phone. It read:
No reply on that yet, but my sister came shortly after and was very somber and apologized. I said that my wife was having a really bad day. My sister apologized again and said she was out of town when my wife originally texted her and when she got home she was super tired and fell asleep. She apologized again and I said it was okay and she left. My wife has come out a couple times and glared at me, one of the times asking if my sister had come by yet. And now she's in bed and I'm up writing this, not looking forward to going in there.
My wife is a very dependable, responsible person. I am forgetful and procrastinate, but I do a fair amount around the house, besides being almost the sole source of income, of which I never bring up to her. While she loves my parents and siblings, she is often frustrated at them because they are never ready anywhere close to when they say they will be, such as for events they are hosting, never arrive when they say they will, and never do things when they say they will do them. I am a lot better at this than I used to be when I lived with them, most likely due to being with my wife.
If they are unreliable compared to my wife, my sister is unreliable compared to them. My sister has 1 car seat for her 2-year-old girl and her and her husband have 2 cars. Instead of buying a second car seat or switching it between cars, she just borrows friends' and family members' car seats for times when her husband has the car with their car seat. We have 2 extra ones because my wife babysits 2 boys during the week. On Thanksgiving she borrowed it.
A couple hours after I came home from work my wife told me that my sister still had the car seat and hadn't returned it yet. My wife had texted her at noon saying that she needed it back "ASAP" and my sister replied back right away saying she would bring it by this afternoon. My wife needed to go into town and had the boys she babysits. It was now 8 at night and she hadn't gotten any word from my sister.
She had typed another text and was wanting my input before she sent it. The text essentially said that it was way past afternoon and she hated to "be like this", but she can't lend the car seat to her anymore because she needs it to be available when she needs to use it. She told me that it was lucky that she didn't end up needing to go into town after all, but she was super frustrated and angry at my sister and stated how this is not the first or second time this has happened. She wanted to know if it was too harsh and after thinking about it, I said it wasn't. I'm horrible at this type of conflict, though.
After some more talking about it, she suddenly said, "I'm just going to send it" and did so. She then told me that if she called, I could talk to her. I reacted with, "What!?" I was being playful, though. She was too upset and didn't want to talk to her or she would say something she didn't really mean. Oh, I thought she just didn't want to deal with the bomb she set. I agreed to talk to her, but right then my sister texted with "Yeah... turns out the car seat was in [my husband]'s car at work. I'll bring it over now." I pointed out to my wife how my sister could have told her that sooner, could have went and gotten it, could have had me get it if I needed to, SOMETHING, but she wasn't wanting to talk about it anymore. She did add that it would most likely be half an hour to an hour before my sister would probably bring it by, even though she said "now".
At 9, my sister still hadn't shown up, nor texted or called. My wife said she told me so, then was getting in the shower and said she didn't want to deal with it anymore and asked if I would handle it. I said I would. "Just get me my car seat back." She gets too frustrated with something like this and doesn't want to even think about it anymore. She then gives it to me to handle and tries to get her mind off it. My wife usually takes really fast showers, and I knew she'd be going into our room afterward, so I was waiting until she did and if my sister hadn't shown up while she was in the shower, I would call after my wife was in the room so it could be handled without her around and having to hear it and think about it more.
Well, when my wife got out, she asked if my sister had shown up yet and I said she hadn't. She asked if I had called her yet and I said I was waiting for her to be in the room first. She got very upset at me, saying she can't depend on me and I'm no better than my sister is. She was very loud despite the kids sleeping in their room nearby, cussed at me, which she doesn't normally do, said she hates how I procrastinate all the time and how she can't depend on anyone to do anything. I was naturally defensive in the heat of the moment and said that she gave it to me to handle, so she should let me handle it. She disagreed and said she doesn't trust me to handle it and I should have called her right when she asked me to handle it. I said she didn't need the car seat until tomorrow, so as long as I got it tonight, it didn't matter when I did. She loudly disagreed, saying she wanted me to call her before she got out of the shower. I said I didn't know. She asked how I could possibl y not know that. I said she didn't say she wanted it right then, only that she wanted me to make sure she got it back tonight. (In hindsight, I can see how she related my sister's unreliability in not doing something when she said she would with my not doing it when she assumed I knew she wanted me to.) She yelled that I should know she wanted me to do it right then and that I just needed to get my ass up and do it. Then she stormed into the room and, because I was defensive for being verbally attacked over something I didn't do wrong on purpose and therefore didn't deserve, I said, "Not if you're going to talk to me like that." I knew it wasn't helpful to say, but I don't like when other people are allowed to act like that and I don't get to be at least a little immature. She said not to bother calling her because she was and slammed the door.
I heard her tell my sister that she was really pissed off at her, she waited for her all day and then waited another hour after her last text. She said how she paid money for that car seat and she really needed it and if she gets in an accident with those boys in the car and they aren't in their proper car seats, then she's going to be screwed. She then came out, looking and sounding exasperated, and pretty much repeated what she was saying before about how I was just as undependable as my sister was. I calmly stated that I wasn't being undependable in this case and she warned me not to talk and to just listen. Most of the time I'm the one doing most of the talking and she's always keeping everything to herself. She only insists on talking and me being quiet when she really means it.
I sat and looked her in the eye and kept quiet while she went off on me about how I'm just as bad as my sister, she can't depend on me, she wanted me to call her right away and not 2 hours later, because that is no better than my sister waiting 1 hour after saying she would be there right away. She said she had to call her when she was upset and said things she feels bad about saying because I didn't call her. She said she can't have a bunch of undependable people in her life and if I didn't change, she would be out of here. She stopped talking and just stared at me, most likely waiting for me to reply, but I didn't because she said not to say anything. She then said, "Okay!?" I waited a little because I had a lot of things to reply to the things she said, but decided it would be a waste of my breath at the moment, so I said, "Okay. That's all I can say." She went back and slammed the door and proclaimed that she was surrounded by idiots. I chuckled just now when I wrote that , but I didn't find it funny then.
She then proceeded to cry and call a couple people and cry to them and tell them things I couldn't make out, so I just sat and tried to get my head around the whole thing. I wanted to go in there but I knew she would just yell at me to get out. So I wrote her an email, which would show up on her phone. It read:
Quote:
| I understand that you are very frustrated and angry at [my sister] about the car seat. She let you down twice. You asked me to handle it and I failed to do so in the way you were hoping I would. I'm sorry you also felt let down by me. I'm not saying this to make myself look better, but I want you to know that I didn't procrastinate because I just didn't feel like doing it yet. You gave it to me to handle and I thought it was because you didn't want to deal with the situation or with her. Kind of like "I don't care how you handle it, just make sure my car seat is here by tomorrow morning" kind of thing. I was waiting until you were in the room so you didn't have to be around when it happened. You don't normally take a very long shower, so I thought she could likely get here while you were getting out or getting ready to go into the room. Again, I'm not trying to make excuses to get out of anything. I was really trying to handle it in the way that would be easiest for you to deal with. The last thing I wanted to do was make you more frustrated. I love you. |
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