Hi Guys,
This is a question for guys ONLY. No female comments please - you simply won't get it.
Before you judge, some background info about me;
- Intensely mothered child
- Father mostly distant and emotionally cold
- Very late developer
- Few girlfriends
- Mother/father separation at age 16
- Have never really bonded with mum again
- Few girlfriends and never really fell in love
- Instant love with GF 15 years ago.
- Married at 21 after 1.5 years together.
- Caught wife cheating 10 months ago
- Separated after 1 month
- After lots of counselling I realised I always sought attention from women and always sought their approval
- Also realised very reliant on my wife emotionally
- Also realised my love for her was very fantasy based
- Wife always unable to tell me how she felt or what she wanted in our relationship.
- Wife didn't have a dad at home and also relied on me as father figure.
- Realised that I was depressed in our marriage because my emotional needs were not being met.
- Realised my depression meant my wife no longer saw me as a strong leader and father figure. So she decided to seek a stronger figure. Cheated.
- Realised that I have never really had a strong emotional connection with a woman up to now.
- Realised that a lot of my fantasy based emotions were strongly based on physical appearance as a result.
- Realised that I judge people a lot on physical appearance.
- We are about to divorce (Australia)
- I have dated 5-6 women after 3-4 months of separation
- Met current GF 4 months ago
- Divided assets last month.
- Moved into my own house 1 month ago.
- Still getting over the cheating, separation and divorce, but getting there fairly quickly.
About my GF and me;
- When I met my current GF, we had an instant spark. We have great chemistry stronger than in my marriage.
- Truly great sex, awesome kissing and a very open and honest relationship. She is a truly kind, honest, loyal, caring, sexual, loving woman.
- She is 32, has a good job, has her own flat, hasn't been married, wants 5 kids and is ready to settle down.
- She is 5'9", size 10/12, C cups, fairly tapered waist, slightly pear shaped hips, reasonably large butt, but of a tummy, lots of freckles. Maybe a 6-7.
- Her face is well proportioned, freckly, nice nose, big brown round eyes, nice ears. Prominent forehead and little bit of a saggy under chin. Say a 6-7.
- For reference, I'm 6'0", around 82kg. Probably a 7, would probably be a 8.5 if I didn't have receding hairline.
Don't judge yet. Just trying to give accurate info.
I have had times where I have felt love for her (and said so), and other times when I'm not feeling it. Generally though I'm just a bit worried about not being attracted to her in the future whilst being fully aware that I am not yet ready to immerse myself in those feelings right now.
I really enjoy being with her and I think she is great. I would really like to look at her face and body and just feel that "wow, she is stunning" feeling, but right now it isn't there. I just look at her with fondness and accept what I see.
Above all, I don't want to hurt this woman and I don't want to waste her time. I am trying to figure out;
- if physical attractiveness will become irrelevant to me in time,
- or if it will always be there, playing on my mind,
- or even if I am likely to begin to find her attractive if/when I fall for her more,
- or even if physical attractiveness will prevent me from falling for her fully.
SO HERE IS THE QUESTION;
Can a long term relationship (and marriage) be sustained when you initially might not consider your partner the most attractive person?
Or to put it bluntly, is it possible to love and marry a woman we might not find particularly attractive and not think we are missing out on anything?
Don't bother with the "dude, break up with her" comments. I am looking for feedback from men who have married the woman they didn't think was really attractive at the start.
Have at it.
This is a question for guys ONLY. No female comments please - you simply won't get it.
Before you judge, some background info about me;
- Intensely mothered child
- Father mostly distant and emotionally cold
- Very late developer
- Few girlfriends
- Mother/father separation at age 16
- Have never really bonded with mum again
- Few girlfriends and never really fell in love
- Instant love with GF 15 years ago.
- Married at 21 after 1.5 years together.
- Caught wife cheating 10 months ago
- Separated after 1 month
- After lots of counselling I realised I always sought attention from women and always sought their approval
- Also realised very reliant on my wife emotionally
- Also realised my love for her was very fantasy based
- Wife always unable to tell me how she felt or what she wanted in our relationship.
- Wife didn't have a dad at home and also relied on me as father figure.
- Realised that I was depressed in our marriage because my emotional needs were not being met.
- Realised my depression meant my wife no longer saw me as a strong leader and father figure. So she decided to seek a stronger figure. Cheated.
- Realised that I have never really had a strong emotional connection with a woman up to now.
- Realised that a lot of my fantasy based emotions were strongly based on physical appearance as a result.
- Realised that I judge people a lot on physical appearance.
- We are about to divorce (Australia)
- I have dated 5-6 women after 3-4 months of separation
- Met current GF 4 months ago
- Divided assets last month.
- Moved into my own house 1 month ago.
- Still getting over the cheating, separation and divorce, but getting there fairly quickly.
About my GF and me;
- When I met my current GF, we had an instant spark. We have great chemistry stronger than in my marriage.
- Truly great sex, awesome kissing and a very open and honest relationship. She is a truly kind, honest, loyal, caring, sexual, loving woman.
- She is 32, has a good job, has her own flat, hasn't been married, wants 5 kids and is ready to settle down.
- She is 5'9", size 10/12, C cups, fairly tapered waist, slightly pear shaped hips, reasonably large butt, but of a tummy, lots of freckles. Maybe a 6-7.
- Her face is well proportioned, freckly, nice nose, big brown round eyes, nice ears. Prominent forehead and little bit of a saggy under chin. Say a 6-7.
- For reference, I'm 6'0", around 82kg. Probably a 7, would probably be a 8.5 if I didn't have receding hairline.
Don't judge yet. Just trying to give accurate info.
I have had times where I have felt love for her (and said so), and other times when I'm not feeling it. Generally though I'm just a bit worried about not being attracted to her in the future whilst being fully aware that I am not yet ready to immerse myself in those feelings right now.
I really enjoy being with her and I think she is great. I would really like to look at her face and body and just feel that "wow, she is stunning" feeling, but right now it isn't there. I just look at her with fondness and accept what I see.
Above all, I don't want to hurt this woman and I don't want to waste her time. I am trying to figure out;
- if physical attractiveness will become irrelevant to me in time,
- or if it will always be there, playing on my mind,
- or even if I am likely to begin to find her attractive if/when I fall for her more,
- or even if physical attractiveness will prevent me from falling for her fully.
SO HERE IS THE QUESTION;
Can a long term relationship (and marriage) be sustained when you initially might not consider your partner the most attractive person?
Or to put it bluntly, is it possible to love and marry a woman we might not find particularly attractive and not think we are missing out on anything?
Don't bother with the "dude, break up with her" comments. I am looking for feedback from men who have married the woman they didn't think was really attractive at the start.
Have at it.
Put the internet to work for you.
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