So I've known this guy over 2 1/2 years - I've had feelings for him for 2 years and nobody knows (except perhaps him.) A part of me was in denial for ages. I've got to a stage where I'm sure he has no feelings for me. He likes a girl I know (mutual friend of both of us.) I found out a while ago that they kissed whilst we were on a night out - this was nearly two years ago mind. Whilst I wasn't really shocked to find this out, it does hurt. She doesn't want to be with him, but they flirt when alcohol is involved. I don't want to have these feelings anymore. I used to flirt with him when we were out and stuff in the early days - he used to respond to it to a certain degree. He wasn't how he is with her, but we often bantered. In the last six months I've pretty much cut the flirting out totally. He throws the occasional sexual comment my way, but he is a jokey sort of person. One thing I've noticed is since I've stopped initiating banter and whatnot our relationship even as friends has declined. When he's in her presence he makes me feel like I don't exist. It's just tough feeling like such a 3rd wheel and watching them have fun together. I've kind of got to the stage where I've accepted they have a lot in common & he gives her attention because of his feelings towards her. Like I said, I don't begrudge her. I guess I feel disappointed in him - not because he doesn't like me - but because he doesn't really give me much of a chance anymore even in a friendly way.
I'm partly to blame for that because ever since I've known him I've rarely let him see my true personality. It's self-consciousness on my part, but I think he's grown to see me as a bit vapid and uninteresting because I find it hard to be natural around him. But also the more he's focused on her, the more I've probably withdrawn from him anyway to save my own dignity.
I've fancied/dated other guys since I've known this guy but none of them have caused me to feel this way about them - or be hung up on them this long. I know it sounds stupid to say 'will I ever get over him?' but it's just gone on so long. What makes it more difficult is, even though he is generally a nice person, he can also be a bit of an ass. I'm in my early 20s and he's eight years older than me but is sometimes so immature I (and other girls who know him) despair. He's been single for nearly 8 years. He's also pretty mean to me at times, although always in a jokey way and it is kinda our thing (we goad each other & bicker a lot.) I think what makes it harder is I don't even know why I like him - he's not my type physically at all - wasn't remotely attracted to him when we first met. He is funny and silly, which I enjoy at times, but can also equally be a bit of an *******. We're pretty different as people - he prides himself on being down-to-earth and views me as a bit of a princess (which he's wrong about IMO, but again that's because he hasn't made much of an effort to get to know the real me.) Maybe it's because of our differences that I like him? Or the whole 'you want what you can't have' thing.
Aside from cutting off contact with him (which isn't really an option because we have lots of mutual friends and see each other semi-regularly because of shared commitments), is there anyway of 'getting over' him sooner rather than later? I'm moving away from my home-town in just under a year, which I'm guessing will help me forget about him, but suffering another year of feeling jealous etc. isn't the best thought.
Put the internet to work for you.
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