Lately I have been feeling depressed and basically just lost interest in most of the things I used to love doing (sketching, reading, sports). It's like I wake up everyday on the wrong side of bed and lose my sleep every night whereas I slept too much throughout the day (weekend) or feeling sleepy throughout the day (weekday). I don't feel excited living anymore and it's quite hard to explain but basically it's kinda like I don't know what I'm doing in this life amymore. When I was in high school, I used to think my primary aim was to excel in my studies and get into college. Yes I did and now here I am doing my a2. I am still doing pretty good but the thing is, I kinda lost the zest to focus and get excellent results because uni is just not that exciting. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT. I have already sent in my ucas but...meh :/ the course that I have applied to is kind of interesting but still I have to be working my whole life and what's the point anyway? I know I s ound like a big whiner but in the end, we all still die right? And it does not help when I think of the other prospect of my life like my relationships with people. I am never anybody's favourite friend. I used to have few close friends when I was in high school that I reallllly like and believe is the thing that can last but now it's like I am always the one initiate to talk to them and they NEVER contact me first. I am just fed up with them already and decided to drop it so basically I have no more true friends that I can connect to from my high school. Now in college I have some close friends too but I just have a feeling that they will end up like my old friends so in the end when I graduate next year, I will just receive a piece of expensive paper and move on with my life. I see so many people who still have close friends from their high school, instantly making me feel even worse.Besides friends, I have never been involved in any romantic relationships and sometimes I just get so lonely and wonder what is wrong with me! I don't need a perfect guy, just someone who I can connect to and understand my fear, who makes me feel comfortable and easy around him. Is that so much to ask for? Guys have never been interested in me and I'm always the "ugly friend". It also doesn't help that I see so many people getting into new relationships and being all lovey dovey. Some don't get into relationships but they have like a line of admirers constantly pursuing them. Me? I have nothing.I should stop complaining but seriously I need to pick myself up but I don't know how. I am really feeling so down lately. It would be really great if anyone here has any insightful advice to offer. Thank you so much.
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