A shortish summary of our lives since we met to give you a better picture of my situation:
We met 24 years ago at a local hangout when she was dancing with a guy and she grabbed my bum when I walked by - I took her number and we connected a week or so later. We were quick off the mark and went on our 1st date (she was only 19 and I was 21) and we got to know each other quite intimately but NO sex yet. In the following week I phoned her every day and we talked about our feelings about having sex - we planned to have sex the weekend...and we DID...in my parents' RV stored away on a remote farm!
She invited me to all her work related parties and I soon learnt that she enjoyed dancing, especially after having a few drinks...in particular Tequila shots! She would dance like a stripper and undress until I would stop her, but we were young and I enjoyed the way we satisfied each other sexually. We got engaged eventually after 18 months. At a friends' 21st party we had our 1st serious quarrel - I was outside smoking and when I came inside the house she was dancing with a guy. It was all normal until she started rubbing herself against him while dancing - I stopped her when she took his hands and put it under her dress while dancing!
We got married 22 years ago. We relocated 4 years later and my work demanded longer hours. AND i worked with a young 19 year old lady. Somehow this lady and I got emotionally involved and soon a simple joke about sex got us having sex on her birthday at her home during a lunch break. This was the start of our 3 months affair where we had sex every day! Then my wife found out and I resigned my work and we started over to restore our marriage. In the first 6 months after me quitting the affair, my wife changed quite a lot - she was now wearing very sexy and short skirts to work; she started smoking. One evening she shared a sexual fantacy and asked if I would enjoy watching her have sex with another man - since then it came up very often during sex and she would have wild orgasms as a result. Our lives eventually returned to normal and we became "church people".
But 5 years later our lives faced yet another surprise - she was 32 now. I think our lives became too dull for her. She got involved with a man at her work and soon it turned sexual as I discovered she suddenly went back on the pill one week. I confronted her, but she laughed me off saying I was simply imagining stuff as a jealous husband. But suddenly she worked earlier and later every day, and she started to go on "work" trips over weekends and eventually also a entire week. When I happended to come upon her panties in the washing basket after the week trip, and they were still soaking wet - she admitted and we had quite a terrible night of arguing. The next evening when I got home she had left to move in with this guy! She started divorce proceedings. We only saw each other after 10 months since she moved out - we were called to the attorneys to finalise the divorce. Here I met a very change woman again - she was wearing a dress that "promoted" her breasts and her pantylin es were very visible --> this she never allowed in our 11 years being together! But a miracle happened and the divorce was stopped and she moved back a week later. We decided not to go into details, but just forgive, forget and move on. Yet, it was a time of adapting - she was so different now - much for the good though: sex was better than ever!
Our lives quited down as we "settled" and once again became "church" people.
But this is where my problem lies: Even though I have forgiven her, and even though we have moved on I almost daily struggle with myself - I catch myself often thinking about her being with her lover; often wondering/ wishing I knew the exact details of their sexual relationship - there has even been several times that I catch myself hoping she would have an affair again!
I am starting to feel like I have some screw loose or have serious problems?
Please Help!
We met 24 years ago at a local hangout when she was dancing with a guy and she grabbed my bum when I walked by - I took her number and we connected a week or so later. We were quick off the mark and went on our 1st date (she was only 19 and I was 21) and we got to know each other quite intimately but NO sex yet. In the following week I phoned her every day and we talked about our feelings about having sex - we planned to have sex the weekend...and we DID...in my parents' RV stored away on a remote farm!
She invited me to all her work related parties and I soon learnt that she enjoyed dancing, especially after having a few drinks...in particular Tequila shots! She would dance like a stripper and undress until I would stop her, but we were young and I enjoyed the way we satisfied each other sexually. We got engaged eventually after 18 months. At a friends' 21st party we had our 1st serious quarrel - I was outside smoking and when I came inside the house she was dancing with a guy. It was all normal until she started rubbing herself against him while dancing - I stopped her when she took his hands and put it under her dress while dancing!
We got married 22 years ago. We relocated 4 years later and my work demanded longer hours. AND i worked with a young 19 year old lady. Somehow this lady and I got emotionally involved and soon a simple joke about sex got us having sex on her birthday at her home during a lunch break. This was the start of our 3 months affair where we had sex every day! Then my wife found out and I resigned my work and we started over to restore our marriage. In the first 6 months after me quitting the affair, my wife changed quite a lot - she was now wearing very sexy and short skirts to work; she started smoking. One evening she shared a sexual fantacy and asked if I would enjoy watching her have sex with another man - since then it came up very often during sex and she would have wild orgasms as a result. Our lives eventually returned to normal and we became "church people".
But 5 years later our lives faced yet another surprise - she was 32 now. I think our lives became too dull for her. She got involved with a man at her work and soon it turned sexual as I discovered she suddenly went back on the pill one week. I confronted her, but she laughed me off saying I was simply imagining stuff as a jealous husband. But suddenly she worked earlier and later every day, and she started to go on "work" trips over weekends and eventually also a entire week. When I happended to come upon her panties in the washing basket after the week trip, and they were still soaking wet - she admitted and we had quite a terrible night of arguing. The next evening when I got home she had left to move in with this guy! She started divorce proceedings. We only saw each other after 10 months since she moved out - we were called to the attorneys to finalise the divorce. Here I met a very change woman again - she was wearing a dress that "promoted" her breasts and her pantylin es were very visible --> this she never allowed in our 11 years being together! But a miracle happened and the divorce was stopped and she moved back a week later. We decided not to go into details, but just forgive, forget and move on. Yet, it was a time of adapting - she was so different now - much for the good though: sex was better than ever!
Our lives quited down as we "settled" and once again became "church" people.
But this is where my problem lies: Even though I have forgiven her, and even though we have moved on I almost daily struggle with myself - I catch myself often thinking about her being with her lover; often wondering/ wishing I knew the exact details of their sexual relationship - there has even been several times that I catch myself hoping she would have an affair again!
I am starting to feel like I have some screw loose or have serious problems?
Please Help!
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