Ok, I apologize in advance because this will probably be pretty long. Anyway, I'm a stay at home mom with two sweet little girls. I love being able to stay at home and take care of them, although here lately I've been starting to miss working, and that is because I'm getting burnt out. My husband is a manager of a store and must work open to close 5-6 days a week which is for him 8:30am-9:30pm respectively. That alone can put a strain on anyone's marriage, but I'm not concerned about how much he works in this post; just info so people can understand my situation. So ultimately, I'm raising two girls by myself and have been for the last two weeks. The only reason he has to work that much is because he just fired someone. So, I must do everything around the house minus the stuff outside. I hope its easy to see why I'm getting so burnt out. Anyway, on top of things, we are very low in funds. We're not living beyond our means; rather, our renter hasn't paid u s the last month and my husband keeps living beyond his means.
See, my husband eats out everyday for lunch. I understand he need to eat, especially since he wont eat breakfast in the morning. With him not getting home until 9:30 at night, I know he needs to eat at some point. Anyway, every two weeks when he gets paid, I budget him $200. This money is for a carton of cigarettes, gas, and food. Since we live less than 10 minutes away from his work, filling up his tank every two weeks is fine. In addition, buying a carton saves him some money and in the end $100 should be more than enough to get two weeks worth of food. (Estimate 10 days and $10 a day max). Anyway, he kept blowing threw his money and needing our money, which I don't budget for and have had to keep dipping into saving to feed him. I've suggest bringing food, but he isn't happy with anything I buy for him (even when I ask what he wants). I've also told him to manage his own money and he flat out told me "No!" So, now, when he calls and asks for more money and I tell him we ha ve no money, he gets upset, very irate, and just hangs up on me. Again, we have money, but I feel that we are blowing threw our savings to quickly. Granted, we have had a few unexpected expenses come up, but nothing that wasn't workable. Anyway, I try putting the money back into saving, and I end up just having to take it right back out and never put money back in. He leaves the finances up to me, but he wont listen to what I say needs doing...
So my question is, how can I make this situation better. What do I need to try? And yes, I've tried talking to him. Last time i talked to him about a month ago, he said, if you want to pack or bring me lunch I'm fine with that. However, today when I offer to bring him leftovers, something in the freezer like hot pockets, something simple like peanut butter sandwiches, he says no I don't want that, i want Taco Bell... what can i do? And, even though he was understanding the last time we talked, sometimes I don't want to talk to him, because I don't know how to. Most times in the past when I've brought something up I'm having a problem with, he ends up getting upset, saying its me (not him) or it's my responsibility (not his), and nothing gets resolved... Maybe I'm not effectively communicating my feelings, but however you look at it, there is a communication problem. So getting back to the original issue, ultimately, he gets mad at ME when he did not budgeting his money... aga in, I just don't know how to handle this situation. Also, i finally broke down and said I'll transfer you $10 to get something to eat... and what does he do, he gets mad and hangs up the phone, because he knows I don't want to do that, which I don't, but if he doesn't want to try any of my suggests and just gets mad at me, what else am I supposed to do?
Please help! I'm hoping someone out there will have some idea what else I can try because being burnt out and him getting upset with me, I'm at my whits end... I know people out there have far worse problems than me, but I know there is a communication problem and I want to kick it in the butt now before it grows worse.
See, my husband eats out everyday for lunch. I understand he need to eat, especially since he wont eat breakfast in the morning. With him not getting home until 9:30 at night, I know he needs to eat at some point. Anyway, every two weeks when he gets paid, I budget him $200. This money is for a carton of cigarettes, gas, and food. Since we live less than 10 minutes away from his work, filling up his tank every two weeks is fine. In addition, buying a carton saves him some money and in the end $100 should be more than enough to get two weeks worth of food. (Estimate 10 days and $10 a day max). Anyway, he kept blowing threw his money and needing our money, which I don't budget for and have had to keep dipping into saving to feed him. I've suggest bringing food, but he isn't happy with anything I buy for him (even when I ask what he wants). I've also told him to manage his own money and he flat out told me "No!" So, now, when he calls and asks for more money and I tell him we ha ve no money, he gets upset, very irate, and just hangs up on me. Again, we have money, but I feel that we are blowing threw our savings to quickly. Granted, we have had a few unexpected expenses come up, but nothing that wasn't workable. Anyway, I try putting the money back into saving, and I end up just having to take it right back out and never put money back in. He leaves the finances up to me, but he wont listen to what I say needs doing...
So my question is, how can I make this situation better. What do I need to try? And yes, I've tried talking to him. Last time i talked to him about a month ago, he said, if you want to pack or bring me lunch I'm fine with that. However, today when I offer to bring him leftovers, something in the freezer like hot pockets, something simple like peanut butter sandwiches, he says no I don't want that, i want Taco Bell... what can i do? And, even though he was understanding the last time we talked, sometimes I don't want to talk to him, because I don't know how to. Most times in the past when I've brought something up I'm having a problem with, he ends up getting upset, saying its me (not him) or it's my responsibility (not his), and nothing gets resolved... Maybe I'm not effectively communicating my feelings, but however you look at it, there is a communication problem. So getting back to the original issue, ultimately, he gets mad at ME when he did not budgeting his money... aga in, I just don't know how to handle this situation. Also, i finally broke down and said I'll transfer you $10 to get something to eat... and what does he do, he gets mad and hangs up the phone, because he knows I don't want to do that, which I don't, but if he doesn't want to try any of my suggests and just gets mad at me, what else am I supposed to do?
Please help! I'm hoping someone out there will have some idea what else I can try because being burnt out and him getting upset with me, I'm at my whits end... I know people out there have far worse problems than me, but I know there is a communication problem and I want to kick it in the butt now before it grows worse.
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