So I've posted some things about my life on here before .....your replies have been helpful, amusing, and necessarily brutally honest...Past posts have Mainly been about staying the course with a long term girlfriend (3 years) or considering reconciliation with a cheating spouse (since divorced). Overwhelmingly the feedback from my friends here at TAM recommended that I should not look back and to forge on in developing this relationship with my girl friend. Well I did just that, but it has ended disastrously and she has moved out of my home. In doing so she has left a LIST IF THINGS (...demands) she does not like which I'll try to explain to you right now. The list......
1) I decided it was time to ring shop for the girl friend. In doing so I was caught by my girl friend shopping in a jewelry store. Rather than lie, I fessed up and told her why I was there and decided to incorporate her in the ring selection process to get ideas of what she would like. That day, That was the last she heard me speak about a ring (this was in June). After that, I actually ordered a ring and have been making payments on that she is unaware of that. My plan was to give her the ring in the spring on our fourth anniversary of dating (at the spot where we had actually met) Well she has badgered me (not in a joking or playful) non stop about a ring since she caught me in the jewelry store. Yelling at me as to why I have stopped talking about it (ring) etc....(her not knowing I purchased one). At any rate her behaviors about a ring have caused me to think - hell no I do not want to marry someone like that. This has caused a major strain on us. So that is one proble m. Is her behavior normal? She has essentially totally ruined my planning (I had planned for a photographer to be hidden in woods nearby, etc.) of this event to eventually ask her to marry me.
2) Next, in cleaning out the attic of my house, she found a box of keepsakes of mine that dated back to high school and lasted through my marriage ....20 years worth of "stuff". In it were old notes from past girlfriends, and many cards from my ex wife (we were married for nearly 20 years). This flipped my girlfriend out and pushed her over the edge. She threw much of the stuff away while I was at work ...shredded it so I'm not sure what I even had... and even had tossed away a card my then young daughter wrote to me years back (girlfriend claims this was an accident). She also discovered a birthday card from my ex and my 3 kids signed in 2012...I was separated from ex in 2012 and dating girlfriend in 2012 so this further infuriated her causing her to ask why I held onto it (from kids too). The fact of me having a tote of keepsakes was the final cause of the termination of our relationship and her moving out. So am I wrong to have this box of stuff or should I have thrown it out long before she found it. About a year ago we found a similar box of hers and she threw it all away to which I told her not to and was sad for her that she did. Of course she threw that in my face when she discovered my tote.
3) My ex used to text me non stop ...many times sending Picts of herself or requesting I give her a second chance, to reconcile, saying sorry, etc. Out of respect for my girl friend, I would never respond to my ex unless it was a kid related issue. I always explained to my girlfriend that this did not bother me. However, my girlfriend said this bothered her and demanded I block her. Instead of blocking her I got an app that simply tosses the ex text in trash and I do not even know I receive them. It's pretty slick actually. Anyway I have not looked at one text from ex since mid June ...honoring the girlfriend. However, the girlfriend looks at my phone bill daily, she sees my ex still sends me stuff (I never see it on my phone) the only way I know is bc my girlfriend keeps telling me. Now the girlfriend is to the point of sending me screen shots of my phone bill and says "I do not believe you are not getting her messages otherwise she would stop sending them" to which I s ay, "I do not care what she sends, I can only control my actions, plus can't you see that there are no outgoing messages back to my ex?" Well girlfriend is demanding an official BLOCK of the ex (my ex will actually get a message saying I will not accept her communication) to show her (girlfriend) that I love her. I said that I would not do that bc it would make the situation too adversarial and my ex and I are still trying to raise 3 kids together. Plus my kids would be very hurt if I did that to their mom. Opinions anyone?
4). I have 3 siblings, we were all married (I am the only divorcee) and had children. For our parents 50th wedding anniversary we all had individual family portraits taken of each family and professionally framed to give to our parents as a gift. This was done while I was still married. These family portraits hang in my parents living room ... Including the portrait of me and my now divorced wife with our 3 kids. My girlfriend said recently to have some balls and tell my 80 year old parents to remove the picture of my family bc she is no longer my wife and the picture is insulting to the girlfriend every time she visits there. I told her that she worries about dumb stuff and that I was not going to stress my elderly parents over her demands. Oh boy did she go bananas!
In all these cases she says these are examples that show I do not love her. I tell her daily that I do love her, but she says she wants action with the examples I have shared above.
So I ask all of your opinions about these things that have all climaxed in the last few weeks in my home. Am I wrong or insensitive or is it her? Are these thoughts and wishes she has unrealistic?
Help??? Opinions???
1) I decided it was time to ring shop for the girl friend. In doing so I was caught by my girl friend shopping in a jewelry store. Rather than lie, I fessed up and told her why I was there and decided to incorporate her in the ring selection process to get ideas of what she would like. That day, That was the last she heard me speak about a ring (this was in June). After that, I actually ordered a ring and have been making payments on that she is unaware of that. My plan was to give her the ring in the spring on our fourth anniversary of dating (at the spot where we had actually met) Well she has badgered me (not in a joking or playful) non stop about a ring since she caught me in the jewelry store. Yelling at me as to why I have stopped talking about it (ring) etc....(her not knowing I purchased one). At any rate her behaviors about a ring have caused me to think - hell no I do not want to marry someone like that. This has caused a major strain on us. So that is one proble m. Is her behavior normal? She has essentially totally ruined my planning (I had planned for a photographer to be hidden in woods nearby, etc.) of this event to eventually ask her to marry me.
2) Next, in cleaning out the attic of my house, she found a box of keepsakes of mine that dated back to high school and lasted through my marriage ....20 years worth of "stuff". In it were old notes from past girlfriends, and many cards from my ex wife (we were married for nearly 20 years). This flipped my girlfriend out and pushed her over the edge. She threw much of the stuff away while I was at work ...shredded it so I'm not sure what I even had... and even had tossed away a card my then young daughter wrote to me years back (girlfriend claims this was an accident). She also discovered a birthday card from my ex and my 3 kids signed in 2012...I was separated from ex in 2012 and dating girlfriend in 2012 so this further infuriated her causing her to ask why I held onto it (from kids too). The fact of me having a tote of keepsakes was the final cause of the termination of our relationship and her moving out. So am I wrong to have this box of stuff or should I have thrown it out long before she found it. About a year ago we found a similar box of hers and she threw it all away to which I told her not to and was sad for her that she did. Of course she threw that in my face when she discovered my tote.
3) My ex used to text me non stop ...many times sending Picts of herself or requesting I give her a second chance, to reconcile, saying sorry, etc. Out of respect for my girl friend, I would never respond to my ex unless it was a kid related issue. I always explained to my girlfriend that this did not bother me. However, my girlfriend said this bothered her and demanded I block her. Instead of blocking her I got an app that simply tosses the ex text in trash and I do not even know I receive them. It's pretty slick actually. Anyway I have not looked at one text from ex since mid June ...honoring the girlfriend. However, the girlfriend looks at my phone bill daily, she sees my ex still sends me stuff (I never see it on my phone) the only way I know is bc my girlfriend keeps telling me. Now the girlfriend is to the point of sending me screen shots of my phone bill and says "I do not believe you are not getting her messages otherwise she would stop sending them" to which I s ay, "I do not care what she sends, I can only control my actions, plus can't you see that there are no outgoing messages back to my ex?" Well girlfriend is demanding an official BLOCK of the ex (my ex will actually get a message saying I will not accept her communication) to show her (girlfriend) that I love her. I said that I would not do that bc it would make the situation too adversarial and my ex and I are still trying to raise 3 kids together. Plus my kids would be very hurt if I did that to their mom. Opinions anyone?
4). I have 3 siblings, we were all married (I am the only divorcee) and had children. For our parents 50th wedding anniversary we all had individual family portraits taken of each family and professionally framed to give to our parents as a gift. This was done while I was still married. These family portraits hang in my parents living room ... Including the portrait of me and my now divorced wife with our 3 kids. My girlfriend said recently to have some balls and tell my 80 year old parents to remove the picture of my family bc she is no longer my wife and the picture is insulting to the girlfriend every time she visits there. I told her that she worries about dumb stuff and that I was not going to stress my elderly parents over her demands. Oh boy did she go bananas!
In all these cases she says these are examples that show I do not love her. I tell her daily that I do love her, but she says she wants action with the examples I have shared above.
So I ask all of your opinions about these things that have all climaxed in the last few weeks in my home. Am I wrong or insensitive or is it her? Are these thoughts and wishes she has unrealistic?
Help??? Opinions???
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment