Hi guys, i'm a long time reader of this forum especially the relationship part as i tried to use it to help my own relationship that I thought was perfect.
Sorry if this gets long but I feel that I just need to get this out in some way.
I've been with my girlfriend since Feb 2013, I met her on a night out and ended up going back to her place. I didn't push her to do anything and she didn't want to do anything more. We didnt even kiss when i was at her halls room, she got into bed in her dress and we went to sleep.
After that night I got her number and we went out a few more times, I started to like her and we went on a date and things started.
I've been in a long term relationship with her since that day, everything was perfect for the first 5 months, i guess the honey moon period. After that point she started to get annoyed with me really easily and get stroppy and moody over anything. She used to get upset with herself that she got annoyed with me so much but I loved her and said it's just how you are and blamed it on some other things going on in her life.
This continued and I used to complain that she wasn't being very affectionate anymore, I felt like I was putting into the relationship a lot more than she was. After about a year I was madly in love with her, but she continued to get more distant. Things we used to do like snapchat a lot or text everyday started to decrease. Her texts started to get less depth and less frequent. It was almost as thought she was just replying or texting me cause she felt like she had to.
We broke up for summer holidays from uni and I went on holiday to see my that. I struggled to get her to Skype me and felt like I had to persuade her to do so. Last summer we would skype every day but I just put it to the fact that was still in the honey moon stage. I was blinded by love that she was becoming distant and I just tried to get closer to her, going out of my way to do special little things for her and putting in so much effort, she very ever did anything that made me think, oh wow she does love me. She used to always say she loved me though through texts and when i spoke to her.
After I returned from my holiday she picked me up from the airport and we spent a bit of time together, everything felt good and all the insecurity about our relationship went as it felt like it was normal again now i was with her.
I live about an hour away from her so I had to leave her at her work the day i landed only was with her for about 3 hours. After that the communication between us was very one sided, she never used to snapchat me and i still sent her lots like we used to. I would try to initiate some text chat, but i could tell she just wasn't interested rarely asking anything about me and just answering my questions. I tried to skype again on multiple occasions but she would always have an excuse not to.
She was supposed to be coming to visit this friday for the weekend and i had a lot planned for her. We had it planned since I had landed. This last sunday, she texted me saying she cant do that weekend anymore unless she comes friday night and leaves saturday night as her friends want to do something on sunday. I felt upset that she was putting me down again, I texted her asking if she could not put her friends off, we had this planned for ages. She said that her friends thing was planned ages ago too she just forgot. I managed to persuade her to stay friday night and leave sunday morning. But I was still upset, that night she promised me we would skype. She came up to bet at about half past 11 and I had told her at half 10 i was in bed ready to skype. She said its too late to skype tonight I will ring you monday morning and we can talk about everything. I was offended and I said to her I felt like i was trying to persuade her to do anything with me, I asked her if everything was ok and if she had lost interest in me.
She told me everything is fine and I shouldn't worry. I called her as I still felt down, she was very quiet and didn't really say much. I just said that I was sorry i didnt think she was interested any more and that I regret saying it. She just replied with im glad you're feeling better but I need to sleep now.
The next morning I get a text from her basically saying are you free this afternoon we need to talk. She lives 2 hours away from me and said she was gonna leave early to come see me. I was like yeah thats fine is everything ok? She was like, its not good. I tried to call her but she said she was at work and couldnt talk. I said I feel like you're about to break up with me. And she was just like please, let me come and speak to you.
She came with her dad, she was absolutely devastated, it looked like she had been crying all day. She took my hand and we went somewhere private, we sat down and she broke down even more cuddling me. She said the relationship is too serious for her and she feels she is too young for it. She turns 20 next month.
I said to her that I can change, but she was like I dont want you to change. You have been the best first boyfriend I could ever ask for. I just dont think we are compatible. She said that she hasn't felt the same as she used to for the past few months and she said after I had noticed the night before, she couldn't lie any more she had to come down. She broke down in tears and said that it even got so bad, the friday before she was out with her single best friend and she ended up getting with a guy all night but promised me nothing else had happened.
Blinded by love I said to her that i forgive her and that if you still have a bit of love for me left in you lets try and forget this and see how you feel after we go on our booked holiday in september. She said she doesnt know how she felt, i asked her if she thought she was making the right decision to end things and she said she doesnt know, it was the hardest thing of her life to come down and see me and tell me everything. She would always say she doesn't know that she loves me.
We spoke for ages, and cried together, hugged, kissed, spoke about how amazing times were. She said she should call her dad to come back from the cafe he was waiting at to take her home as she felt like we was going around in circles. I broke down crying saying I cant let you go, I love you so much etc.. I was like please reconsider you are unsure if this is the right thing and you dont know if you love me, i said to her to come this friday and see if she still felt the same. She said she would need to think about it, we walked up to her dads car, he got out and I said thanks for all the times he let me stay at their house and for dinners etc.
She was crying more than ever at this point, I cuddled her and said I still love you. She said she will think about things and will text me with what she decides, weather she would come on friday or not.
And that was the last time I spoke to her. I have slept on things and now I feel like i made a huge mistake saying all those things to her. I know that there is no way now we can continue like nothing has happened. She cheated on me and she clearly has lot her feelings for me. It didnt feel like a proper closure and i really want to see her again just to say a proper goodbye and have a mutual decision that its the correct thing to end the relationship.
I'm struggling so hard right now, she was my life, everything revolved around her and I feel that is part of the main reason she drifted from me. I had no life apart for her, everything I did or wanted to do would involve her in someway and I must have been so clingy. I will live and learn from this relationship, she was my first love and my first girl I ever did anything sexual with. I dont think il ever forget her.
Im just struggling to let go of her, I just need some help really. I feel like my life has ended, I made all of her friends my friends and neglected the friends I had. I live near her at uni and am so worried that I will see her on a night out when im back in freshers week getting with guys. I want us to be civil but I dont think we can be close friends.
I just need some advice on how to get over her and what to do, I have thought about just hitting the gym hard when I get back to uni and focus on my dissertation and getting over her for the rest of this summer. I just feel like without her I will be forever alone now, I still miss her so much but I know what we had has come to a close. I just want closure.
All my things are still at her uni place as I cant move into my house still september, I'm thinking about calling her when she texts me regardless of her decision and to just tell her that I feel that we should just cut our ties. Change our facebook passwords, remove each other from find my friends, stop sharing things like spotify premium, cancel our holiday and change our relationship status on facebook + profile pictures and say our goodbyes on the phone. I will see her in september to get my things and I want to just move on from her as fast as i can.
Sorry if this is so long and so badly and written and unstructured. I feel so sad writing this and there is so much to say i didnt know how to say it all without making a book, it already is super long. To anyone that reads this all thank you, i'm just so sad right now.
Thanks
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment