Hi,
I have been talking to a girl for about six months now. She is 20 years and I am 33. Right from the beginning, she asked my age and made it clear that she wants to marry a very good and successful man, 30-35 years (definitely not younger). Ideally, she wants to marry within maybe one year from now. Her parents live in a different country and she has lived by herself for many years now. She says she does not want to be alone anymore.
Unfortunately we periodically run into problems. I want to determine if she has some kind of personality disorder or no. If so, I have to adapt myself to best take care of her.
I want you to look at the following and tell me if these are normal or no in your opinion. She typically blames me for them.
1. Lack of trust. She is very suspicious that I have relationships with other girls. My colleague, whose wife is named X in this post, sometimes invites me for a BBQ or a birthday party. She seriously thinks that X has an affair with me. She says X is too close to you in her FB photos and leans on you. I fully explained that there is nothing between us; you can see her husband is always with us too and she takes similar photos (which are normal) with other guys too.
Her mistrust is not limited to X and generalizes to almost any female around me. Even distant co-workers and people in other countries. I have to report every minor detail about past women in my life and present ones who I may see.
2. Irrationally sensitive. She is often normal but sometimes, every 1-2 weeks or so, she makes a HUGE deal out of something small/irrelevant and becomes depressed. For example, I once asked her if her current work is voluntary or paid and she almost made a fight over this! Or she calls me when I am sleeping and if I say I am sleeping, let me sleep one more hour and then we will talk, she later complains that she cared about me that she called me and I was harsh to her. I always have to respond with much care. She is particularly extremely sensitive to any lie (like if I say I ate at KFC instead of McDonald).
3. Controlling and manipulative. She calls multiple times a day. She asks where I eat, with who, what time, when I will be back to office, etc. I have to be precise and consistent in my response (otherwise it's a basis for mistrust). She specially looks for female presence in my day and any kind of lie. If I'm late from lunch 1-2 hours from what I promised, it's an issue. When I said I stay at X's birthday only one hour, but I stayed 4-5 hours and didn't return her calls, we had a two days fight and she almost broke up with me. That was HUGE problem. I (voluntarily) copy paste my professional emails for her to earn her trust. She comments how I should respond to these emails.
4. Impatient and unstable. She messages multiple times a day om FB, Skype, phone, and if I respond later than few hours, more messages come, she is upset and asks if something is wrong. When we have problems, she cries easily and her facial expression changes. If we chat, and I don't respond immediately, she is worried.
5. Fear. She fears loosing me. She says she should come with me so that all ex women and approaching ones see us together. She always says be very careful that others don't flirt with you. She also fears that she is left alone.
6. Dependent. She seems too emotionally dependent on me. She has to call me many times a day and message on FB and Skype. To the point that I feel it might interfere with her school work.
7. Hardly takes criticism. I explain to her, logically, and by example, that her behavior is not normal for this and that reason. She keeps blaming me. She says she hates guys who [often] tell her she has a personality problem, while later it turns out that they were all liars and cheated on her. She gets very much upset if I say her behavior is unmoral. But, to my surprise, I managed to convince her to see a counselor with me.
It seems that something is not right with her. I know others have cheated on her in the past. That could be the reason that she doesn't trust other people. But I suspect she might have a personality issue.
It could also be that I am not sensitive enough with respect to her. I don't know.
All comments are welcome.
I have been talking to a girl for about six months now. She is 20 years and I am 33. Right from the beginning, she asked my age and made it clear that she wants to marry a very good and successful man, 30-35 years (definitely not younger). Ideally, she wants to marry within maybe one year from now. Her parents live in a different country and she has lived by herself for many years now. She says she does not want to be alone anymore.
Unfortunately we periodically run into problems. I want to determine if she has some kind of personality disorder or no. If so, I have to adapt myself to best take care of her.
I want you to look at the following and tell me if these are normal or no in your opinion. She typically blames me for them.
1. Lack of trust. She is very suspicious that I have relationships with other girls. My colleague, whose wife is named X in this post, sometimes invites me for a BBQ or a birthday party. She seriously thinks that X has an affair with me. She says X is too close to you in her FB photos and leans on you. I fully explained that there is nothing between us; you can see her husband is always with us too and she takes similar photos (which are normal) with other guys too.
Her mistrust is not limited to X and generalizes to almost any female around me. Even distant co-workers and people in other countries. I have to report every minor detail about past women in my life and present ones who I may see.
2. Irrationally sensitive. She is often normal but sometimes, every 1-2 weeks or so, she makes a HUGE deal out of something small/irrelevant and becomes depressed. For example, I once asked her if her current work is voluntary or paid and she almost made a fight over this! Or she calls me when I am sleeping and if I say I am sleeping, let me sleep one more hour and then we will talk, she later complains that she cared about me that she called me and I was harsh to her. I always have to respond with much care. She is particularly extremely sensitive to any lie (like if I say I ate at KFC instead of McDonald).
3. Controlling and manipulative. She calls multiple times a day. She asks where I eat, with who, what time, when I will be back to office, etc. I have to be precise and consistent in my response (otherwise it's a basis for mistrust). She specially looks for female presence in my day and any kind of lie. If I'm late from lunch 1-2 hours from what I promised, it's an issue. When I said I stay at X's birthday only one hour, but I stayed 4-5 hours and didn't return her calls, we had a two days fight and she almost broke up with me. That was HUGE problem. I (voluntarily) copy paste my professional emails for her to earn her trust. She comments how I should respond to these emails.
4. Impatient and unstable. She messages multiple times a day om FB, Skype, phone, and if I respond later than few hours, more messages come, she is upset and asks if something is wrong. When we have problems, she cries easily and her facial expression changes. If we chat, and I don't respond immediately, she is worried.
5. Fear. She fears loosing me. She says she should come with me so that all ex women and approaching ones see us together. She always says be very careful that others don't flirt with you. She also fears that she is left alone.
6. Dependent. She seems too emotionally dependent on me. She has to call me many times a day and message on FB and Skype. To the point that I feel it might interfere with her school work.
7. Hardly takes criticism. I explain to her, logically, and by example, that her behavior is not normal for this and that reason. She keeps blaming me. She says she hates guys who [often] tell her she has a personality problem, while later it turns out that they were all liars and cheated on her. She gets very much upset if I say her behavior is unmoral. But, to my surprise, I managed to convince her to see a counselor with me.
It seems that something is not right with her. I know others have cheated on her in the past. That could be the reason that she doesn't trust other people. But I suspect she might have a personality issue.
It could also be that I am not sensitive enough with respect to her. I don't know.
All comments are welcome.
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