Ok... Let's try this again... just typed a really loooong post and it got erased.:mad:
I'm new to this forum and I've read a few threads to get some perspective on my situation. It's nothing unique, but still thought I would share and see if there is something I haven't thought of or read yet.
I have been married for almost 15 years. We have 3 children 11, 9 and 6. I entered this marriage knowing I wasn't "In Love", but figured I loved him enough to make the marriage work. When I met him, he was kind, funny, a total gentleman. He is well educated and came from a good family. A devout Catholic. Intelligent and understands the issues I'm passionate about. We enjoy the same music, literature and social scene. I thought with time, I could "Fall In Love" with him.
Lo and behold...all the above qualities does not a perfect partner make. I have never been truly happy with this marriage. Yes, I have been content at times, but as our relationship progressed, instead of "falling in love", I've been drifting further away from that state.
I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, suffered from both mental and emotional abuse and experienced minor physical abuse (no...he as never hit me, but at one point he had shoved me during an argument which the children witnessed).
Even the children can't escape the Mental/Emotional Abuse. There is constant yelling when he is around. The kids and I scurry whenever he comes home from work. I think it's a sign that the marriage is over when your husband calls to tell you he will be coming home late and instead of disappointment, you share high fives with our kids to celebrate the fact that there will be at least some peace at home for that evening.
I want out, but he won't let go. I know I'm not perfect and have carried my own share of faults. But why should I stay in a marriage where I am neither happy nor content. He wants us to go for counseling. I tell him it won't work, but I'll give it a shot anyway. He wants us to go on a kids-free "DATE". I'll agree to that as well, but I know it won't make a difference. I don't love him, heck...I don't even like him. I can't force myself to love him...is that even possible? I can pretend all I want, but at the end of the day, I just don't have the emotional requirement to be married to him anymore.
I'm willing to try all avenues to make this work, but I refuse to be intimate with him. I can't make myself want to have intercourse with him... I just can't. Is that even fair to me? Do something I don't want or enjoy just to appease him? He even asks me if I'm seeing someone...yeah right, like I have the time and energy to do that. And besides, who would want me...its not like I'm so attractive that I have men clamoring to be with me... I look like im four months pregnant for crying out loud!
But I digress... I just want to live my life in peace and enjoy the simple things in life - like read a book before I go to bed. Be content with what life has to offer. I just want to be free from him.
Unfortunately, I cant just up and leave. We have the three kids to consider. I don't want their lives to be disrupted too much. I still need him to be part of their lives...he is after all still their father. I just wish that he would agree to an amiable separation.
I'm new to this forum and I've read a few threads to get some perspective on my situation. It's nothing unique, but still thought I would share and see if there is something I haven't thought of or read yet.
I have been married for almost 15 years. We have 3 children 11, 9 and 6. I entered this marriage knowing I wasn't "In Love", but figured I loved him enough to make the marriage work. When I met him, he was kind, funny, a total gentleman. He is well educated and came from a good family. A devout Catholic. Intelligent and understands the issues I'm passionate about. We enjoy the same music, literature and social scene. I thought with time, I could "Fall In Love" with him.
Lo and behold...all the above qualities does not a perfect partner make. I have never been truly happy with this marriage. Yes, I have been content at times, but as our relationship progressed, instead of "falling in love", I've been drifting further away from that state.
I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, suffered from both mental and emotional abuse and experienced minor physical abuse (no...he as never hit me, but at one point he had shoved me during an argument which the children witnessed).
Even the children can't escape the Mental/Emotional Abuse. There is constant yelling when he is around. The kids and I scurry whenever he comes home from work. I think it's a sign that the marriage is over when your husband calls to tell you he will be coming home late and instead of disappointment, you share high fives with our kids to celebrate the fact that there will be at least some peace at home for that evening.
I want out, but he won't let go. I know I'm not perfect and have carried my own share of faults. But why should I stay in a marriage where I am neither happy nor content. He wants us to go for counseling. I tell him it won't work, but I'll give it a shot anyway. He wants us to go on a kids-free "DATE". I'll agree to that as well, but I know it won't make a difference. I don't love him, heck...I don't even like him. I can't force myself to love him...is that even possible? I can pretend all I want, but at the end of the day, I just don't have the emotional requirement to be married to him anymore.
I'm willing to try all avenues to make this work, but I refuse to be intimate with him. I can't make myself want to have intercourse with him... I just can't. Is that even fair to me? Do something I don't want or enjoy just to appease him? He even asks me if I'm seeing someone...yeah right, like I have the time and energy to do that. And besides, who would want me...its not like I'm so attractive that I have men clamoring to be with me... I look like im four months pregnant for crying out loud!
But I digress... I just want to live my life in peace and enjoy the simple things in life - like read a book before I go to bed. Be content with what life has to offer. I just want to be free from him.
Unfortunately, I cant just up and leave. We have the three kids to consider. I don't want their lives to be disrupted too much. I still need him to be part of their lives...he is after all still their father. I just wish that he would agree to an amiable separation.
Put the internet to work for you.
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