Hi everyone,
I have a dilemma that needs addressing, I have been thinking about it for some time and cannot seem to get anywhere with it! Talk about overthinking, ugh.. I have read numerous forum posts from numerous websites and taken in a lot of what was said, however, I've not been able to find a forum post that truly fits my situation in any similar way at all.
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, we are both 21 so are still 'young' especially considering the length of time we have been together. I made the mistake this year of asking him to move in with me, only for a year while I'm away on placement; I say mistake because it has caused so many problems for our relationship (initially) and my family, as they do not like him. It has taken a real toll on me, including my health, I have started feeling very low and unhappy, as well as having panic attacks more frequently.
In terms of the bedroom, sex has really moved down on my list of priorities. We still have sex, it's not totally dry, but it is only once every few months. I still feel urges and in fact have no issues in that department, I just can't always go through the whole scenario with my boyfriend.
Anyway, I suppose I should move onto the issue now…
So, a few months back before leaving my uni city for home before moving away for placement again I went out for a friend's birthday. I had a good catch up with old friends as well as meeting new people, I had such a great night, and got incredibly drunk, possibly the drunkest I had been in a long while. As the night got later, the usual happened, people started drifting off home and it was left with me and my new male friend. Cutting a long story short we ended up sleeping together. I woke up the next morning and felt incredibly guilty for what I had done, but there was no time to think about it as my parents would soon be arriving to collect me to take me home.
When I got home and saw my boyfriend I felt terrible but I did not breathe a word to him as I felt it was for the better; we had plans to be moving in together within the next few weeks, papers had already been signed and deposits paid.
2 weeks pass and the last weekend before moving away I am back in my uni city to celebrate yet another friends birthday, who is in fact in the same circle of friends as the previous one. And of course, that meant one thing, my new male friend would also be there. I turned up late to predrinks and saw that my new friend, the guy who I had slept with 2 weeks prior has a girlfriend! Turns out they had been together for 6 months. And that night, considering I was out with him and his girlfriend, as well as mutual friends things didn't seem awkward. It was sort of as if nothing had happened; apart from a number of exchanged glances across the room and maybe sitting a little too close together in the smoking area…
Weeks down the line we continue to talk, and he constantly pushes conversation towards a sexual nature, which is fine I suppose but from start to finish can be somewhat annoying. As he is in the military he was recently away for a number of months on a training exercise abroad, it was difficult not being able to talk to him and I thought of him often. Now he has returned we are talking to each again, I feel a slight rush inside me when we talk and can't stop smiling when he replies. Maybe it's the thrill of something new and exciting, attention from someone other than the person I have spent the last 6 years of my life with.
Two days ago, he asked if we could meet; I had thought of this, fantasied even of meeting in a city and spending the night together. But that was it, a fantasy and now he wants to meet for real, and I must say he was rather persistent and I was rather nervous. I mentioned a night that I am in London for business and will be alone and he was all for it, but I do not know if he was being totally serious.
I want to see him again but scared about doing it behind my boyfriend's back – my boyfriend doesn't even allow for me to talk to male colleagues out of office hours and I am only allowed male friends if my boyfriend knows them.
I don't think I'm 100 per cent content being in a monogamous relationship, I don't want to waste my young years being unhappy. It is killing me, I have thought about breaking up with my boyfriend but it would not only crush him but me too. I still have fun with him, on a friend level, and maybe that's only how I see him from now on, as a friend? We have similar music tastes and styles and enjoy going to gigs and festivals but that is pretty much all we share together, which I would certainly miss if we were not a couple.
I thought loving someone was supposed to be easy? Something that you just fall into, and yes requires work, but not so much work that it keeps you up at night and hurts relationships with family members.
Put the internet to work for you.
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