Hi everyone.
This is my first post here, and I have only been on the forums a day or so, so please bear with me. I don't understand alot of the acronyms yet :)
I have been married to my high school sweetheart for 4 years now. We started dating when we were 16, and we are now both 24.
I didn't understand why getting married young was a bad thing for a long time. It just didn't compute for me, but now I understand. My wife has changed. We had a son in november of last year, and since just before that time she hasn't been the same person. We used to have a healthy-ish (in my opinion) relationship and sex life, but everything has gone downhill. I will start by saying that my love language is undoubtably affection. That's how I show it, and that's how I need to be shown. After she got pregnant, we had 1 amazing night maybe 3 months into the pregnancy, and nothing since. She still does it "for me", but just lies there and treats it like it's a chore. I don't enjoy it anymore, and I usually don't even bring it up. We used to have sex about twice a week, now it's more like once a month if that.
I don't feel like she loves me anymore. She never hugs me, holds my hand, kisses me, or anything of the sort. We don't talk anymore. I try to strike up a conversation and she just says "uh huh" and "ok", never adding anything in or engaging in any way. We used to talk about everything. My mind is always active and I LOVE being asked questions about philosophy or science, or even just talking about it in general. She used to always engage in those conversations, but she doesn't anymore.
I am not sure what happened or why, but this has been going on about 2 years now, and I think I have fallen out of love with her. The passion is gone for sure, and I don't find myself ever thinking that I still love her. The spark that used to be there is gone. She loves me, and I know it, because one night I was walking out the door for good, and she cried and begged me to stay. because of that, I stayed, and hoped it would get better. It didn't.
We have been to counseling. We went for 6 weeks, and it helped for a week or so, but everything just went back to normal afterwords. I know it's normal for a relationship to fall on the backburner after the birth of a child, but I feel like she doesn't even care anymore, and I don't feel loved. I don't want my son to grow up in a broken family, but I also don't want him growing up thinking this kind of relationship is normal. I want to be with my wife, I want to be in love with her again, but she isn't trying. I told her all of this, and she asked me to give her a list of things that she needs to start doing. I did, and she hasn't done anything differently. It's clear she wants to try and fix it, but doesn't have the willpower or followthrough, and she thinks everything just goes away with the new day.
What should I do? Should I leave her, or stay in this relationship and just accept that it's loveless and I'm stuck? I should also add that I greatly care about my wife, and I don't want to hurt her in any way.
This is my first post here, and I have only been on the forums a day or so, so please bear with me. I don't understand alot of the acronyms yet :)
I have been married to my high school sweetheart for 4 years now. We started dating when we were 16, and we are now both 24.
I didn't understand why getting married young was a bad thing for a long time. It just didn't compute for me, but now I understand. My wife has changed. We had a son in november of last year, and since just before that time she hasn't been the same person. We used to have a healthy-ish (in my opinion) relationship and sex life, but everything has gone downhill. I will start by saying that my love language is undoubtably affection. That's how I show it, and that's how I need to be shown. After she got pregnant, we had 1 amazing night maybe 3 months into the pregnancy, and nothing since. She still does it "for me", but just lies there and treats it like it's a chore. I don't enjoy it anymore, and I usually don't even bring it up. We used to have sex about twice a week, now it's more like once a month if that.
I don't feel like she loves me anymore. She never hugs me, holds my hand, kisses me, or anything of the sort. We don't talk anymore. I try to strike up a conversation and she just says "uh huh" and "ok", never adding anything in or engaging in any way. We used to talk about everything. My mind is always active and I LOVE being asked questions about philosophy or science, or even just talking about it in general. She used to always engage in those conversations, but she doesn't anymore.
I am not sure what happened or why, but this has been going on about 2 years now, and I think I have fallen out of love with her. The passion is gone for sure, and I don't find myself ever thinking that I still love her. The spark that used to be there is gone. She loves me, and I know it, because one night I was walking out the door for good, and she cried and begged me to stay. because of that, I stayed, and hoped it would get better. It didn't.
We have been to counseling. We went for 6 weeks, and it helped for a week or so, but everything just went back to normal afterwords. I know it's normal for a relationship to fall on the backburner after the birth of a child, but I feel like she doesn't even care anymore, and I don't feel loved. I don't want my son to grow up in a broken family, but I also don't want him growing up thinking this kind of relationship is normal. I want to be with my wife, I want to be in love with her again, but she isn't trying. I told her all of this, and she asked me to give her a list of things that she needs to start doing. I did, and she hasn't done anything differently. It's clear she wants to try and fix it, but doesn't have the willpower or followthrough, and she thinks everything just goes away with the new day.
What should I do? Should I leave her, or stay in this relationship and just accept that it's loveless and I'm stuck? I should also add that I greatly care about my wife, and I don't want to hurt her in any way.
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