Hello, all.
I've been here on the forums for about a year now. Been married almost 15 years and have 3 kids. Long story short, my mother got in the way of our marriage and there are now bitter feelings with my wife towards her. For 14 years these feelings built up until last year when my wife snapped. Things subsided a bit but 5 months ago they popped again. We separated for about 3 weeks over Christmas. But since I moved back, things haven't been the same at all. No intimacy. No touching. My wife has simply stated that she just can't be in this marriage with a 3rd party, my mother.
It's my fault. I didn't draw the line early enough and let the needling of my mother further drive the rift. I take full blame. We've talked on and on lately that we never want our friendship to end. She can't imagine raising our kids with anybody else but me. She's just afraid that if she let's me back in, she thinks that my mother will get between us again and she can't put herself through that again. I can't blame her. The selfish part of me wants her to stay. The friend in me wants to let her go. But it's just too complicated.
Wife doesn't work. Her family is half way around the world. I'm an only son. My mother is single and alone. It's just too complicated. There's no easy fix, really. Wife hates that I have to decide between her and my mother and it makes her feel like a bad person. And to completely detach would mean that we'd have to completely turn our lives upside down. But even separating/divorce would do that too.
My question is: is the 180 approach really viable when there are so many factors to the marriage? She's done with relationships right now. Burnt out entirely. We're going to try marriage counseling in a couple of days. But I honestly don't know how her heart can be turned around after having endured so much that it basically collapsed. And I don't want to put her through any more torture. I love her so much.
The end of my rope is in sight. Any thoughts?
I've been here on the forums for about a year now. Been married almost 15 years and have 3 kids. Long story short, my mother got in the way of our marriage and there are now bitter feelings with my wife towards her. For 14 years these feelings built up until last year when my wife snapped. Things subsided a bit but 5 months ago they popped again. We separated for about 3 weeks over Christmas. But since I moved back, things haven't been the same at all. No intimacy. No touching. My wife has simply stated that she just can't be in this marriage with a 3rd party, my mother.
It's my fault. I didn't draw the line early enough and let the needling of my mother further drive the rift. I take full blame. We've talked on and on lately that we never want our friendship to end. She can't imagine raising our kids with anybody else but me. She's just afraid that if she let's me back in, she thinks that my mother will get between us again and she can't put herself through that again. I can't blame her. The selfish part of me wants her to stay. The friend in me wants to let her go. But it's just too complicated.
Wife doesn't work. Her family is half way around the world. I'm an only son. My mother is single and alone. It's just too complicated. There's no easy fix, really. Wife hates that I have to decide between her and my mother and it makes her feel like a bad person. And to completely detach would mean that we'd have to completely turn our lives upside down. But even separating/divorce would do that too.
My question is: is the 180 approach really viable when there are so many factors to the marriage? She's done with relationships right now. Burnt out entirely. We're going to try marriage counseling in a couple of days. But I honestly don't know how her heart can be turned around after having endured so much that it basically collapsed. And I don't want to put her through any more torture. I love her so much.
The end of my rope is in sight. Any thoughts?
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