I could fill pages of the journey I've been on over the past few years, and how it has resulted in my wife sleeping in a hotel tonight 800 miles away with my wedding band on her finger, while I stay home to maintain an equilibrium for my 3 and 6 year old, who we both love dearly. I don't want to share pages, but I would like some consensus on what married men who sext married women really want, and what they are capable of.
One week ago, I couldn't sleep. While up in the early hours of the morning I opened my wife's FB on her Iphone and saw that she had been chatting with a guy. I could fill you up with a lot of details, but that's not necessary for my question. The morning I found the messages was a Wednesday morning. The basic story is this, the guy is a high school friend and I believe they dated (20 years ago). Just like my wife and I, he is married with 2 kids, fortunately more than a 1000 miles away. Within a 4 to 7 day range the FB messaging went from how have you been, to how he would undress her, what, where and how he would kiss her various body parts, to talking about meeting in Toronto this summer, my wife would stay with a girl friend, etc. Toronto is not a place we ever go, and is a thousand miles away from either of the homes involved. Again I could give you pages of what we've been through over the last week. She said that when the went too far in the chat, they back up o ff,,, but she said she wanted to see him and would plan something.
After confronting her on Wednesday I had to go to work. She had a further IM on FB and had him call her. They spoke within an hour of me having left for work. I found out, and I confronted her. Friday morning after walking my daughter to her bus stop I came back in the house and said I needed 10 minutes to tell her where it was going to go if I hadn't stopped it. I said she would have snuck around finding times to chat. Every few days he would see if he could push the boundary again, and if she let him, he'd push it further. He'd convince her I was the devil reincarnated, say all the things she needed to hear about how he would treat her, and by the summer time he would have driven a wedge so big between us, she probably wouldn't be talking to me. Although she says she would not have slept with him, she says that now; by the summer it would likely have been a different story; and then she'd do her best to work me towards the big D. Turns out she called him again, on Friday about 2 hours after I layed out how I'm pretty sure things would go.(even after 48 hours of intense conversation, appologizing, promising, crying). Fortunately she only got his voicemail. I had called him on Thursday asking that he not take calls or emails from my wife, and not to try to contact her. Her basic excuse was 1) he was a high school friend with history 2) she wanted to see if she could preserve a friendship, watch his kids grow on FB, 3) she wanted to confront him and find out how much of what he said was true.
Here's where we differ. I maintain that progressing from Hi how have you been, to sexting, to lets agree on where we will meet in less than 7 days, is lightening speed fast. This guy had his game on; his primary motive was sleeping with her, not propering her up, restoring her self respect etc... She believes she should still be able to pursue a friendship. I think he would have said something reassuring so he could preserve his position, and come up with another play later. She also believes this is not cheating or the same as cheating. (she is however remorseful and clearly admitting she ****ed up). I think its naive to think this was in the pursuit of friendship. Am I naive in thinking this could have happened in less than a week.
Honestly would a guy who was encouraged to sext, stop under these circumstances? Would that interest dissappear.
One week ago, I couldn't sleep. While up in the early hours of the morning I opened my wife's FB on her Iphone and saw that she had been chatting with a guy. I could fill you up with a lot of details, but that's not necessary for my question. The morning I found the messages was a Wednesday morning. The basic story is this, the guy is a high school friend and I believe they dated (20 years ago). Just like my wife and I, he is married with 2 kids, fortunately more than a 1000 miles away. Within a 4 to 7 day range the FB messaging went from how have you been, to how he would undress her, what, where and how he would kiss her various body parts, to talking about meeting in Toronto this summer, my wife would stay with a girl friend, etc. Toronto is not a place we ever go, and is a thousand miles away from either of the homes involved. Again I could give you pages of what we've been through over the last week. She said that when the went too far in the chat, they back up o ff,,, but she said she wanted to see him and would plan something.
After confronting her on Wednesday I had to go to work. She had a further IM on FB and had him call her. They spoke within an hour of me having left for work. I found out, and I confronted her. Friday morning after walking my daughter to her bus stop I came back in the house and said I needed 10 minutes to tell her where it was going to go if I hadn't stopped it. I said she would have snuck around finding times to chat. Every few days he would see if he could push the boundary again, and if she let him, he'd push it further. He'd convince her I was the devil reincarnated, say all the things she needed to hear about how he would treat her, and by the summer time he would have driven a wedge so big between us, she probably wouldn't be talking to me. Although she says she would not have slept with him, she says that now; by the summer it would likely have been a different story; and then she'd do her best to work me towards the big D. Turns out she called him again, on Friday about 2 hours after I layed out how I'm pretty sure things would go.(even after 48 hours of intense conversation, appologizing, promising, crying). Fortunately she only got his voicemail. I had called him on Thursday asking that he not take calls or emails from my wife, and not to try to contact her. Her basic excuse was 1) he was a high school friend with history 2) she wanted to see if she could preserve a friendship, watch his kids grow on FB, 3) she wanted to confront him and find out how much of what he said was true.
Here's where we differ. I maintain that progressing from Hi how have you been, to sexting, to lets agree on where we will meet in less than 7 days, is lightening speed fast. This guy had his game on; his primary motive was sleeping with her, not propering her up, restoring her self respect etc... She believes she should still be able to pursue a friendship. I think he would have said something reassuring so he could preserve his position, and come up with another play later. She also believes this is not cheating or the same as cheating. (she is however remorseful and clearly admitting she ****ed up). I think its naive to think this was in the pursuit of friendship. Am I naive in thinking this could have happened in less than a week.
Honestly would a guy who was encouraged to sext, stop under these circumstances? Would that interest dissappear.
Put the internet to work for you.
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