So, the woman that was dating 2 guys while still married to me, gives me the "ILYBNILWY" speech, insisting there was no one else, and then after divorce moves OM#2 into the marital home almost instantaneously, is getting remarried.
I found out by showing up to pick my kid up and her mom once more not being around.. I ask if shes on another road trip, as the kid referred to it one time, and she said yes, to court, to get married.
I am in no way hurt, or bothered by her marrying one of the guys she cheated on me with. I do wish that it did not put such a large pair of parenthesis around my own "lack of" fruition in my own life. I don't feel a need to get married nor do I have anyone special that I am dating or seeing. With my kid over there for 50% of the time, every other week, that scenario over there is starting to look more and more like a cohesive family, and I begin to look and FEEL like a mere nuisance.
I don't know what that feeling is, that makes me wonder why I had to go through so much sht, and her life has been a blossoming fking row of flowers..
It all makes me begin to feel like the reason for the divorce. Having never been given anything solid as a reason, other than this "fell out of love with me" ideal, and then finding out there were other men involved, I ask myself what made it so easy for her to fall for someone else? I cannot see where I dropped the ball, or allowed things to get stagnant. It seems like I was struggling to get closer all along, and all she could view that as , was clinginess and weakness. But then to allow years to go by without response to my sexual advances, to play me along until she was sure another man would bite...
I know she got bored with me, but we were in 30K worth of personal debt, and the "fun times" in her mind would NEVER stop, or take a breather.. I was looking at having something for retirement as we grew older, but she saw it as getting bored and tired of me. When things got really distant, she would want to go on a cruise, $$$$, but not with me, with all her friends... Not as a means to get closer and bond, but to party and get away, in the midst of the hardest time in our marriage.
I will always have questions, as I never got any answer from her nor did I ever get any honesty. I try to look back, and I tell myself, wow, I wont know how to keep a woman from getting disinterested and bored of me. Is marriage something that suddenly becomes a constant worry about them getting bored and leaving ? I don't know how I could address that..
Why do I feel like I have to live my life in "Defense" mode, in preparation for whatever crap she decides to pull next, in terms of custody arrangements, logistics getting the kid back and forth. Sometimes even though the kid seems and says things that really sounds like she wants to come over to my house, and is glad to be coming over... yet I wonder sometimes if its just her trying to please me or "not hurt my feelings".
I don't know...
A lot of this is just thoughts running around in my head. It has been 2 years since the divorce, and we were together for sixteen years, married nine years. Sometimes I see pictures of them on friends FB pages, the unavoidable rendering of your guts to stumble upon a photo... Their life seemingly perfect, and yet I feel like I am wasting away, doing very little except trying to pay off debt.. and trying to enjoy my time with my kid.
Sometimes a person needs some really good things to happen in their lives for them to feel like its not on a downhill fking slide.
I found out by showing up to pick my kid up and her mom once more not being around.. I ask if shes on another road trip, as the kid referred to it one time, and she said yes, to court, to get married.
I am in no way hurt, or bothered by her marrying one of the guys she cheated on me with. I do wish that it did not put such a large pair of parenthesis around my own "lack of" fruition in my own life. I don't feel a need to get married nor do I have anyone special that I am dating or seeing. With my kid over there for 50% of the time, every other week, that scenario over there is starting to look more and more like a cohesive family, and I begin to look and FEEL like a mere nuisance.
I don't know what that feeling is, that makes me wonder why I had to go through so much sht, and her life has been a blossoming fking row of flowers..
It all makes me begin to feel like the reason for the divorce. Having never been given anything solid as a reason, other than this "fell out of love with me" ideal, and then finding out there were other men involved, I ask myself what made it so easy for her to fall for someone else? I cannot see where I dropped the ball, or allowed things to get stagnant. It seems like I was struggling to get closer all along, and all she could view that as , was clinginess and weakness. But then to allow years to go by without response to my sexual advances, to play me along until she was sure another man would bite...
I know she got bored with me, but we were in 30K worth of personal debt, and the "fun times" in her mind would NEVER stop, or take a breather.. I was looking at having something for retirement as we grew older, but she saw it as getting bored and tired of me. When things got really distant, she would want to go on a cruise, $$$$, but not with me, with all her friends... Not as a means to get closer and bond, but to party and get away, in the midst of the hardest time in our marriage.
I will always have questions, as I never got any answer from her nor did I ever get any honesty. I try to look back, and I tell myself, wow, I wont know how to keep a woman from getting disinterested and bored of me. Is marriage something that suddenly becomes a constant worry about them getting bored and leaving ? I don't know how I could address that..
Why do I feel like I have to live my life in "Defense" mode, in preparation for whatever crap she decides to pull next, in terms of custody arrangements, logistics getting the kid back and forth. Sometimes even though the kid seems and says things that really sounds like she wants to come over to my house, and is glad to be coming over... yet I wonder sometimes if its just her trying to please me or "not hurt my feelings".
I don't know...
A lot of this is just thoughts running around in my head. It has been 2 years since the divorce, and we were together for sixteen years, married nine years. Sometimes I see pictures of them on friends FB pages, the unavoidable rendering of your guts to stumble upon a photo... Their life seemingly perfect, and yet I feel like I am wasting away, doing very little except trying to pay off debt.. and trying to enjoy my time with my kid.
Sometimes a person needs some really good things to happen in their lives for them to feel like its not on a downhill fking slide.
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