Hello, I am new here. I searched this out because I need some help.
I have been married for 7 years. In the last 12 months, my husband had told me two large lies, not infidelity, that have affected how I feel about him.
The first lie was about money. We keep separate finances but were trying to refinance our house. The mortgage company told me he was 3+ months behind in his bills. I flipped out.
So you are aware, I moved to PA from CA and he supported me for 6 months while I found work. A few years later, he quit his job and I supported him. I opened a business that failed, he supported me. His current job does not pay what he is used to but it's a good job. We go back and forth. We were financially stable when I found out about the lie, I had enough money to pay his bills but instead he hid the delinquencies from me.
I got mad, I paid the bills, then his Mom passed and he came into money so financially he will always be OK now. He says this lie was because he was "embarrassed".
The second lie, I will try and keep this short, is about his daughter, who is now 20.
I have been a hands off stepmother until his Mom got sick. He was desperate to have his kid see his Mom but she would always say she was too busy. OK, I get that, but we did know Mom was dying so I stepped in and told her to make time (not in those words). Then came the funeral. Said daughter would not answer his calls and he was completely distraught, so again, I stepped in. He postponed the funeral for her by a day and held the funeral for almost 45 minutes because she was late.
He told me he has not been speaking with his daughter since the funeral. I recently found out this was not true. They have been emailing for about 2-3 months. Bottom line is his daughter hates me and I am fine with that. This lie was to "protect my feelings".
There is more to the story with his kid, but the above is the basics.
I get that there are reasons for the lies...but I feel broken, I feel our relationship is broken. I am not turned on in bed anymore, I can barely look at him. I love him, we are meant to be together but I am in pain, as I assume he is. What do I do?
I have been married for 7 years. In the last 12 months, my husband had told me two large lies, not infidelity, that have affected how I feel about him.
The first lie was about money. We keep separate finances but were trying to refinance our house. The mortgage company told me he was 3+ months behind in his bills. I flipped out.
So you are aware, I moved to PA from CA and he supported me for 6 months while I found work. A few years later, he quit his job and I supported him. I opened a business that failed, he supported me. His current job does not pay what he is used to but it's a good job. We go back and forth. We were financially stable when I found out about the lie, I had enough money to pay his bills but instead he hid the delinquencies from me.
I got mad, I paid the bills, then his Mom passed and he came into money so financially he will always be OK now. He says this lie was because he was "embarrassed".
The second lie, I will try and keep this short, is about his daughter, who is now 20.
I have been a hands off stepmother until his Mom got sick. He was desperate to have his kid see his Mom but she would always say she was too busy. OK, I get that, but we did know Mom was dying so I stepped in and told her to make time (not in those words). Then came the funeral. Said daughter would not answer his calls and he was completely distraught, so again, I stepped in. He postponed the funeral for her by a day and held the funeral for almost 45 minutes because she was late.
He told me he has not been speaking with his daughter since the funeral. I recently found out this was not true. They have been emailing for about 2-3 months. Bottom line is his daughter hates me and I am fine with that. This lie was to "protect my feelings".
There is more to the story with his kid, but the above is the basics.
I get that there are reasons for the lies...but I feel broken, I feel our relationship is broken. I am not turned on in bed anymore, I can barely look at him. I love him, we are meant to be together but I am in pain, as I assume he is. What do I do?
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