Hello everybody, this will be long but I really need some help with the situation I am in and will try to keep it as brief as I can. Thanks for taking the time to read all of this.
So I started uni last september and within the first month I met this girl who I really liked from my exact course. We used to talk a lot and then one night she told me that she had feelings for me and I told her the same (it all happened over a text) and then the next day we had our first kiss. She admitted to me that she was scared of committing to one person because she had been hurt in the past (she told me that she had 5 partners before, most who simply used her and left her) and she had also been involved in sexual exploitation/grooming a few years back (she told me this a month after we got together). I completely assured her that I am happy to take things slow and won't rush her into anything. I even asked her explicitly whether she wanted a relationship or not but she was quick to respond in saying that she did. So we began our relationship then with me thinking that everything was clear between us…
For a few months (until december) things went fine between us - we used to spend a lot of time together at uni (couldn't really see each other outside uni as our parents didn't know about our relation due to cultural differences etc) so our only time together was at uni. She seemed relatively happy with the way things were as I used to ask her if she was comfortable with everything. After Xmas she told me about her sexual exploitation history and she was very nervous about telling me because she thought I would leave her after knowing. I was upset after I heard about this but I assured her that my feelings for her hadn't changed. When we met at uni during the new year she said that she wanted to thank me for understanding and still being with her. I honestly believed that this made our relation even stronger, being able to accept each others past is crucial after all.
However, after this incident, she seemed to behave a little differently with me. Hardly anymore kissing, she used to make excuses about coming to uni early to spend time with me saying she had to do something or the other etc… and when we used to text it didn't seem like she wanted to have those long conversations like we used to. I decided that I should give her the space she needs and didn't take any of this too seriously. At the end of January, we were in the uni library one evening and we were having a conversation about our feelings for each other. I was telling her just how important she is for me, and how much she means to me etc. but then she said 'I feel really guilty because I don't have such strong feelings even though I really love you…' I said that it's fine as long as we have trust and commitment between us. We went back home, and I had some arguments with my parents which I told her about that day, but then she decided to say something over the texts. She said 'you know what we were talking about in the library,.. well I just don't think its right and I am really confused about everything between us.' and she basically said lets go back to being friends because I feel pinned down in a relationship. She said I still really love you and hate myself for doing this but I don't know what to do.
I was really upset anyway with what was going on at home but then I said to her that I wouldn't want her to keep something she isn't comfortable with and I said we really should talk this through face to face. The weekend went past and I saw her on monday at uni.
Monday… she seemed a completely different person to the one I fell in love with a few months ago. So I said can we sit down and have a chat somewhere - her reply was that I'm getting late lets just talk on the way to the station. So that's what we did. She just said that she isn't happy with the idea of commitment and feels pinned down. She didn't seem interested in having the conversation and we ended it there. She said that she still wants to be friends with me because she liked my influence in her life etc.
We didn't speak for a few days and it hurt me so so much! I could see her across the lecture theatre laughing around and joking with her friends whilst I couldn't concentrate on anything! I decided to speak to her once again the following friday - she seemed a lot more relaxed and we finally could sit down and chat in leisure! i was still really upset and I told her that - she could see tears in my eyes during this conversation and I tried to convince her that she was making the wrong decision (I know I shouldn't have done this!) but to no avail. All this conversation lead to was ensuring that we had some sort of communication between us. So since the end of Jan things have been pretty much the same.. She seems to be completely happy with everything while I am struggling to get my head around it all. Somedays she acts really nice around me talking to me, sitting with me and somedays she will walk past me without even saying hi! I get so confused seeing all this and it't not letting me forget her at all.
However things changed a bit recently; last week she texted me one morning saying that she was really missing me and hence the random text message to me. I didn't make much of it and just laughed it off with her and that was it. She sometimes sends me these messages asking how I am, what I am doing etc. but never admitted to missing me. Later that day, she texted my best friend (also friends with her) asking how I was and if I was coping alright. My friend said 'why don't you ask him directly?" and she responded saying that she felt guilty, and that she really upset me so she doesn't know if she should talk to me. She admitted to my friend that she still had feelings for me but it just isn't the time for a relationship. My friend told me about this all the next day - and I thought she is trying to play with me again. I've seen her since then a few times but she didn't show any signs of liking me. She sat next to me today but hardly said a word to me, and later we worked on a group project but she hardly said anything to me directly.
Honestly, I still cannot sleep at night and I cannot forget her. I do not know what I should do and am trying to be as strong as I can emotionally. I see her flirting around with some friends at uni and it hurts me so so much but I cannot do anything. I know that she doesn't deserve me the way she is behaving but I just cannot let go! I know i sound like a possessive freak but why is she behaving like this and what does she want to get out of it all?
Thank you so much for taking time to read this all and any advice will be appreciated!
So I started uni last september and within the first month I met this girl who I really liked from my exact course. We used to talk a lot and then one night she told me that she had feelings for me and I told her the same (it all happened over a text) and then the next day we had our first kiss. She admitted to me that she was scared of committing to one person because she had been hurt in the past (she told me that she had 5 partners before, most who simply used her and left her) and she had also been involved in sexual exploitation/grooming a few years back (she told me this a month after we got together). I completely assured her that I am happy to take things slow and won't rush her into anything. I even asked her explicitly whether she wanted a relationship or not but she was quick to respond in saying that she did. So we began our relationship then with me thinking that everything was clear between us…
For a few months (until december) things went fine between us - we used to spend a lot of time together at uni (couldn't really see each other outside uni as our parents didn't know about our relation due to cultural differences etc) so our only time together was at uni. She seemed relatively happy with the way things were as I used to ask her if she was comfortable with everything. After Xmas she told me about her sexual exploitation history and she was very nervous about telling me because she thought I would leave her after knowing. I was upset after I heard about this but I assured her that my feelings for her hadn't changed. When we met at uni during the new year she said that she wanted to thank me for understanding and still being with her. I honestly believed that this made our relation even stronger, being able to accept each others past is crucial after all.
However, after this incident, she seemed to behave a little differently with me. Hardly anymore kissing, she used to make excuses about coming to uni early to spend time with me saying she had to do something or the other etc… and when we used to text it didn't seem like she wanted to have those long conversations like we used to. I decided that I should give her the space she needs and didn't take any of this too seriously. At the end of January, we were in the uni library one evening and we were having a conversation about our feelings for each other. I was telling her just how important she is for me, and how much she means to me etc. but then she said 'I feel really guilty because I don't have such strong feelings even though I really love you…' I said that it's fine as long as we have trust and commitment between us. We went back home, and I had some arguments with my parents which I told her about that day, but then she decided to say something over the texts. She said 'you know what we were talking about in the library,.. well I just don't think its right and I am really confused about everything between us.' and she basically said lets go back to being friends because I feel pinned down in a relationship. She said I still really love you and hate myself for doing this but I don't know what to do.
I was really upset anyway with what was going on at home but then I said to her that I wouldn't want her to keep something she isn't comfortable with and I said we really should talk this through face to face. The weekend went past and I saw her on monday at uni.
Monday… she seemed a completely different person to the one I fell in love with a few months ago. So I said can we sit down and have a chat somewhere - her reply was that I'm getting late lets just talk on the way to the station. So that's what we did. She just said that she isn't happy with the idea of commitment and feels pinned down. She didn't seem interested in having the conversation and we ended it there. She said that she still wants to be friends with me because she liked my influence in her life etc.
We didn't speak for a few days and it hurt me so so much! I could see her across the lecture theatre laughing around and joking with her friends whilst I couldn't concentrate on anything! I decided to speak to her once again the following friday - she seemed a lot more relaxed and we finally could sit down and chat in leisure! i was still really upset and I told her that - she could see tears in my eyes during this conversation and I tried to convince her that she was making the wrong decision (I know I shouldn't have done this!) but to no avail. All this conversation lead to was ensuring that we had some sort of communication between us. So since the end of Jan things have been pretty much the same.. She seems to be completely happy with everything while I am struggling to get my head around it all. Somedays she acts really nice around me talking to me, sitting with me and somedays she will walk past me without even saying hi! I get so confused seeing all this and it't not letting me forget her at all.
However things changed a bit recently; last week she texted me one morning saying that she was really missing me and hence the random text message to me. I didn't make much of it and just laughed it off with her and that was it. She sometimes sends me these messages asking how I am, what I am doing etc. but never admitted to missing me. Later that day, she texted my best friend (also friends with her) asking how I was and if I was coping alright. My friend said 'why don't you ask him directly?" and she responded saying that she felt guilty, and that she really upset me so she doesn't know if she should talk to me. She admitted to my friend that she still had feelings for me but it just isn't the time for a relationship. My friend told me about this all the next day - and I thought she is trying to play with me again. I've seen her since then a few times but she didn't show any signs of liking me. She sat next to me today but hardly said a word to me, and later we worked on a group project but she hardly said anything to me directly.
Honestly, I still cannot sleep at night and I cannot forget her. I do not know what I should do and am trying to be as strong as I can emotionally. I see her flirting around with some friends at uni and it hurts me so so much but I cannot do anything. I know that she doesn't deserve me the way she is behaving but I just cannot let go! I know i sound like a possessive freak but why is she behaving like this and what does she want to get out of it all?
Thank you so much for taking time to read this all and any advice will be appreciated!
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