Hi everyone,
I am a college student who will be graduating with a degree in computational physics this spring. For a long time now, it has been my dream to continue my education in graduate school. This has been one of my biggest goals for years, and I think I will always feel regret if I don't see through with it. I've worked very hard to get good grades in undergrad, and would hate to see all that work go to waste.
There's only one thing that's really holding me back from going, and that's my husband. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband very much and he loves me dearly. I wouldn't trade our relationship for anything. He's always been very loving and supportive.
We met in college as freshmen, and our relationship took off very quickly after that. Last May, we got married. Now he's in pharmacy school and will be graduating in two years. Of course, since we are both still in school, we do not have any children.
He says he supports my decision to get a Ph.D., but at the same time I don't feel like he thinks its such a big deal and doesn't care if I don't follow my dreams. He keeps reminding me that the more important thing is our relationship and raising a caring family. But he doesn't want me to "go off and leave him," stating that he'll be too lonely. He's also mentioned that he's afraid I'll meet some physics guy and leave him. (He can't transfer schools because pharmacy apparently doesn't work like that.)
This past winter break, when I was applying to Ph.D. programs, he convinced me to only apply to schools that are about an hour away. This means that I only applied to four schools, which is a very low number as acceptance rates are only 20% in most graduate schools. I didn't even want to go to three of the schools I applied to, but I did it because he doesn't want to live apart from me. The school that I want to go to is 3 hours away. He didn't even want me to apply there, but he finally conceded and let me apply.
Now it's March and I have only heard back from one graduate school, which rejected me. I haven't heard back from the school of my choice yet. However, one of my friends applying to the program has already been accepted, so I don't have much hope. Slowly I am beginning to realize that I don't even want to go to the other two schools. I just applied because my husband wanted me to.
Granted, my grades aren't all that great: I have a 3.5 overall and a 3.1 major GPA. (However, I saved all the easy work for last so when I graduate my overall GPA should be 3.55 and my major GPA should be 3.3). I know it will be my fault for not being accepted into the school of my choice. However, I feel resentful toward my husband for convincing me to only apply to only four schools (ones that I didn't even like) which has significantly hurt my chances. If I had applied to a bunch of schools, I probably could have been accepted into somewhere I wanted to go.
I could significantly improve my chances to get into a good school if I take a break year to improve my physics GRE score. My GPA would also be higher. However, for this to happen, I would need a job to pay off my undergraduate loans. A great opportunity for employment would be doing a post-bachelor's research position at a national lab. I think this would be a terribly exciting job, and I would love to explore another state for a year. However, my husband doesn't want me to apply because he says he'll miss me too much.
I know I probably sound like an ungrateful brat. But I just don't want to go to the other two schools I applied to. (One of them has an ugly campus, only one narrow research area, and poor safety and student satisfaction ratings. The other school my husband goes to, and he complains about it all the time.) I'd rather do a post-bachelors out in Los Alamos or Oak Ridge, and then apply to schools that I actually like and are ranked higher. I have also always dreamed of exploring the world and going out west for graduate school, but that's out of the question too.
I feel so trapped and chained down. I wish that I had not married this young. I don't regret marrying my husband, just doing it so young. I wanted to explore the world, do some awesome research, and go somewhere where I'll like the program and atmosphere. But I don't have that option, and I have to go to a lousy school I don't even want to go to. I feel like my husband is preventing me from realizing my dreams, and is holding me down. There are so many things I would like to do all over the country and beyond, and now I will never get to do them. (Pharmacy licenses do not transfer very easily from state to state.) I have a free spirit, and it is being crushed. Worse still, I find myself becoming resentful to my husband.
He further suffocates me in other ways, such as complaining when I spend spring break on vacation with my friends and not with him. (We go to different schools, so we don't have the same spring break. I don't want to sit around with nothing to do all week while he's at school. I encouraged him to go do something for his spring break, but he just sat around at his parents as he doesn't have any friends at school.) He constantly nags at me over the phone to do little things, and I feel at times like he is more like a parent than a partner. My friends don't like him, and they tell me he is bossy and controlling.
Every weekend we have to see each other, or else he becomes saddened. I can't do anything with my friends over the weekend or he gets upset. He won't spend time with me and my friends because he can't stand them. I suspect that he is jealous of the little time I spend with them.
Even though he nags at me to get my school work done all the time ("Have you finished your homework yet?"), he insist on taking up the time I have to do it. I get the feeling he doesn't like me being too absorbed in my studies. I am also afraid that he will get mad at me for not spending enough time with him due to my large workload should I go to graduate school.
Now I think we've really hit a deal breaker as I think I've decided I don't want children anymore. If I'm this tied down being married, then having children will be like the ultimate death sentence.
I feel like I'm being suffocated to death. I am especially sensitive to this as my parents were insanely strict and micromanaging. I just don't know what to do.
I am a college student who will be graduating with a degree in computational physics this spring. For a long time now, it has been my dream to continue my education in graduate school. This has been one of my biggest goals for years, and I think I will always feel regret if I don't see through with it. I've worked very hard to get good grades in undergrad, and would hate to see all that work go to waste.
There's only one thing that's really holding me back from going, and that's my husband. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband very much and he loves me dearly. I wouldn't trade our relationship for anything. He's always been very loving and supportive.
We met in college as freshmen, and our relationship took off very quickly after that. Last May, we got married. Now he's in pharmacy school and will be graduating in two years. Of course, since we are both still in school, we do not have any children.
He says he supports my decision to get a Ph.D., but at the same time I don't feel like he thinks its such a big deal and doesn't care if I don't follow my dreams. He keeps reminding me that the more important thing is our relationship and raising a caring family. But he doesn't want me to "go off and leave him," stating that he'll be too lonely. He's also mentioned that he's afraid I'll meet some physics guy and leave him. (He can't transfer schools because pharmacy apparently doesn't work like that.)
This past winter break, when I was applying to Ph.D. programs, he convinced me to only apply to schools that are about an hour away. This means that I only applied to four schools, which is a very low number as acceptance rates are only 20% in most graduate schools. I didn't even want to go to three of the schools I applied to, but I did it because he doesn't want to live apart from me. The school that I want to go to is 3 hours away. He didn't even want me to apply there, but he finally conceded and let me apply.
Now it's March and I have only heard back from one graduate school, which rejected me. I haven't heard back from the school of my choice yet. However, one of my friends applying to the program has already been accepted, so I don't have much hope. Slowly I am beginning to realize that I don't even want to go to the other two schools. I just applied because my husband wanted me to.
Granted, my grades aren't all that great: I have a 3.5 overall and a 3.1 major GPA. (However, I saved all the easy work for last so when I graduate my overall GPA should be 3.55 and my major GPA should be 3.3). I know it will be my fault for not being accepted into the school of my choice. However, I feel resentful toward my husband for convincing me to only apply to only four schools (ones that I didn't even like) which has significantly hurt my chances. If I had applied to a bunch of schools, I probably could have been accepted into somewhere I wanted to go.
I could significantly improve my chances to get into a good school if I take a break year to improve my physics GRE score. My GPA would also be higher. However, for this to happen, I would need a job to pay off my undergraduate loans. A great opportunity for employment would be doing a post-bachelor's research position at a national lab. I think this would be a terribly exciting job, and I would love to explore another state for a year. However, my husband doesn't want me to apply because he says he'll miss me too much.
I know I probably sound like an ungrateful brat. But I just don't want to go to the other two schools I applied to. (One of them has an ugly campus, only one narrow research area, and poor safety and student satisfaction ratings. The other school my husband goes to, and he complains about it all the time.) I'd rather do a post-bachelors out in Los Alamos or Oak Ridge, and then apply to schools that I actually like and are ranked higher. I have also always dreamed of exploring the world and going out west for graduate school, but that's out of the question too.
I feel so trapped and chained down. I wish that I had not married this young. I don't regret marrying my husband, just doing it so young. I wanted to explore the world, do some awesome research, and go somewhere where I'll like the program and atmosphere. But I don't have that option, and I have to go to a lousy school I don't even want to go to. I feel like my husband is preventing me from realizing my dreams, and is holding me down. There are so many things I would like to do all over the country and beyond, and now I will never get to do them. (Pharmacy licenses do not transfer very easily from state to state.) I have a free spirit, and it is being crushed. Worse still, I find myself becoming resentful to my husband.
He further suffocates me in other ways, such as complaining when I spend spring break on vacation with my friends and not with him. (We go to different schools, so we don't have the same spring break. I don't want to sit around with nothing to do all week while he's at school. I encouraged him to go do something for his spring break, but he just sat around at his parents as he doesn't have any friends at school.) He constantly nags at me over the phone to do little things, and I feel at times like he is more like a parent than a partner. My friends don't like him, and they tell me he is bossy and controlling.
Every weekend we have to see each other, or else he becomes saddened. I can't do anything with my friends over the weekend or he gets upset. He won't spend time with me and my friends because he can't stand them. I suspect that he is jealous of the little time I spend with them.
Even though he nags at me to get my school work done all the time ("Have you finished your homework yet?"), he insist on taking up the time I have to do it. I get the feeling he doesn't like me being too absorbed in my studies. I am also afraid that he will get mad at me for not spending enough time with him due to my large workload should I go to graduate school.
Now I think we've really hit a deal breaker as I think I've decided I don't want children anymore. If I'm this tied down being married, then having children will be like the ultimate death sentence.
I feel like I'm being suffocated to death. I am especially sensitive to this as my parents were insanely strict and micromanaging. I just don't know what to do.
Put the internet to work for you.
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