I'm 20 and in university. I've never dated, and my excuse is that i had a crush on a guy who turned out to be my bully, and since then i've been struggling with social anxiety and undiagnosed depression. Because of that reason, i didn't socialise and make friends in college and i hit rock bottom in the first year of university so i didn't socialise either.
I've never been bullied for being ugly but i do consider myself hideous. I don't know if that's a no confidence thing but when i told my friend i felt like i looked like an alien she said i was mad. I went to see a counselor a few weeks ago and had no idea what i was talking about either. (In my first year the main reason i didn't speak to people was because i felt so guilty that they had to look at an ugly person, so that kind of spiraled and made me feel worse about myself).
However, this year i have really nice roommates and have a few friends who i love and although i would like more, i'm fairly happy with it.
My class is mainly girls and i only go to one society (my fault, i know) and everyone there are groups of friends so i haven't talked to anyone new there.
When this semester started i got asked out by a guy, but i didn't find him attractive or connect with him at all and said no. (He was also African American and i found it hard to understand his accent. It was also awkward because within an hour he was holding my hand and putting his hands on my waist etc).
This is the first time a guy has ever paid an interest to me. I went to a club a few weeks ago and one guy grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go, and another guy asked my friend if i was dating him, but i don't know what that meant. I would like to think that he was interested, but i think he was just making fun of me.
My friends all have long term relationships who they live with and they don't have many friends either, so we rarely go out and meet new people. I don't want to join new societies until next year as everyone already knows each other (social anxiety too - i couldn't) but i just feel so alone and that it's going to be this way forever.
I don't know. I just feel it's pointless even hoping that i'll meet someone :(
I'm an introvert, the type of person i would want to be with wouldn't be in a club. And even if he was i doubt he would be the sort of person to come up to me and ask me to dance. Because of my shyness it takes me a while to open up, and with my looks that's just as bad.
Is there any chance that someone will just come along when i least expect it? Or will i have to go looking or online dating or something in the future?
Just one of those forever-alone days.
Sorry for the long message. And i know i sound depressing in this post. I am a little pessimistic but in a self deprecating way, i don't really show it to other people though, not for a while anyway :P So i don't think that's the reason.
I've never been bullied for being ugly but i do consider myself hideous. I don't know if that's a no confidence thing but when i told my friend i felt like i looked like an alien she said i was mad. I went to see a counselor a few weeks ago and had no idea what i was talking about either. (In my first year the main reason i didn't speak to people was because i felt so guilty that they had to look at an ugly person, so that kind of spiraled and made me feel worse about myself).
However, this year i have really nice roommates and have a few friends who i love and although i would like more, i'm fairly happy with it.
My class is mainly girls and i only go to one society (my fault, i know) and everyone there are groups of friends so i haven't talked to anyone new there.
When this semester started i got asked out by a guy, but i didn't find him attractive or connect with him at all and said no. (He was also African American and i found it hard to understand his accent. It was also awkward because within an hour he was holding my hand and putting his hands on my waist etc).
This is the first time a guy has ever paid an interest to me. I went to a club a few weeks ago and one guy grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go, and another guy asked my friend if i was dating him, but i don't know what that meant. I would like to think that he was interested, but i think he was just making fun of me.
My friends all have long term relationships who they live with and they don't have many friends either, so we rarely go out and meet new people. I don't want to join new societies until next year as everyone already knows each other (social anxiety too - i couldn't) but i just feel so alone and that it's going to be this way forever.
I don't know. I just feel it's pointless even hoping that i'll meet someone :(
I'm an introvert, the type of person i would want to be with wouldn't be in a club. And even if he was i doubt he would be the sort of person to come up to me and ask me to dance. Because of my shyness it takes me a while to open up, and with my looks that's just as bad.
Is there any chance that someone will just come along when i least expect it? Or will i have to go looking or online dating or something in the future?
Just one of those forever-alone days.
Sorry for the long message. And i know i sound depressing in this post. I am a little pessimistic but in a self deprecating way, i don't really show it to other people though, not for a while anyway :P So i don't think that's the reason.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment